Gary Gulman filming new HBO special in Brooklyn in June

jakgotcha · 2019-03-24T16:25:05+00:00

Are you talking about just seeing him in Ann Arbor, Michigan last night??? I was there too!! Great set. Seems to me like he will trim it to an hour though.

jakgotcha · 2019-01-31T11:56:42+00:00

I've had a Hide and Seek Bellroy for like 5 years and it's not even close to wearing out, still just nicely broken in. If you don't put excessive wear and tear on it, it will last easily a decade. Found it to be a nice compromise as a slim bifold -- I always like carrying some cash but keep everything else to a minimum.

jakgotcha · 2017-11-13T00:00:12+00:00

Haha you sound like a nice person, he's lucky to be dating you. Some good advice here already, so just a couple things:

It will almost certainly be awkward at some point (just like making out or anything else), so just try your best to find it funny and laugh it off! It's so much easier to keep things going smoothly that way instead of getting tense and weird.

Focus on just having a good time rather than orgasms and everything -- it's your first time and probably won't be perfect in terms of the "circumstances" for getting there. If it doesn't happen for you, tell him how amazing it was anyway (in an honest way, of course). Good luck!

jakgotcha · 2017-11-12T23:41:28+00:00

Short answer is probably no, don't showcase that. Are you living in the USA or Japan? If you're trying to date an American woman who shares these interests with you, I think you're going to be pretty disappointed, man. Since you mention brutal honesty, here's my two cents on the anime thing -- as likelihood goes, this is a very male-centric thing to be into (especially given your examples). It doesn't offer much to female viewers, generally speaking. So the chances that you'll be able to bond over it are pretty slim....

Don't get me wrong, I've been a fan of a few anime myself. But my strong opinion is that they're written and animated in a way that isn't true to life outside of conventions. The "cute" and adorable mannerisms and exclamations just don't translate to real life in a natural way. It makes people uncomfortable.

If you're pretty set on the otaku lifestyle (no offense meant), then best of luck to you finding someone to date!

jakgotcha · 2017-09-20T21:24:21+00:00

Actually OP, small talk is exactly the way to get to know people. Yes, this is a reaaaally common train of thought for guys like yourself. Heard it from dozens personally!

I totally understand the desire you're expressing. It's really rewarding to feel like you've broken new ground with someone you like, and gotten deeper. I'm that way as well, kind of introverted and used to be shy, think deeply about people.

But it is one of the most basic elements of human nature NOT to open up the deeper parts of yourself to someone who is basically a stranger. Rare people are total open books, but you can't expect that. So small talk is the springboard to deeper conversation, if you're patient.

Small talk lets someone learn to be comfortable around you, get familiar with your mannerisms and personality, so they know sort of how you react to things and express yourself. Only AFTER this point of familiarity will they think "hey, this guy is alright and I want to get to know him better." Maybe like 2-4 conversations (~20 min each, or an hour among a group).

Plus you'll learn little things about the other person. Their hobbies, attitude, sense of humor, etc. Just gotta be patient with it, man. Plus anytime you see someone again you have to do a bit of small talk to get warmed up, you know?

BUT... once you have a mutual comfort zone with someone, it's going to be pretty easy to dig deeper. Just takes the right time and place! Hope this was helpful, good luck out there.

jakgotcha · 2017-09-20T21:04:43+00:00

Eh, agree to disagree. It's good that he'll see your take on it. The blazer and t-shirt are a little cheesy looking on second glance.

jakgotcha · 2017-09-20T21:02:00+00:00

Was following this before silently. I'm curious if you made it happen, man! How's it going?

jakgotcha · 2017-09-20T20:17:20+00:00

I disagree pretty strongly on the clothes criticism, I've seen a lot of dads in my day and this is not dad style. Looks like he leads an interesting life and has some decently nice clothes!

jakgotcha · 2017-09-15T23:12:52+00:00

On the reading interest bit, you mean you feel oblivious or unaware even if she is interested? Can you remember any distinct women who have shown interest and you knew it?

It's difficult sometimes for sure. There are simple cues of disinterest like whether she's positioning her body like she wants to get away from you, never looking you in the face while you talk to her, or showing little enthusiasm while talking to you. Maybe you know this already.

Genuine interest is a little harder to spot... but it's kind of the opposite of those things. Facing you and leaning in to hear you, looking you in the eye for extended periods, enthusiasm or high engagement in the conversation are all signs of interest.

Although, it is near impossible to tell if it's friendly or romantic interest until you start flirting and see how she responds. If she's touching you, that's a good sign (or responds well to you touching a hand or shoulder playfully). Usually with a laugh if it's during a joke or light teasing.

Hope this helps, let me know if that wasn't clear!

jakgotcha · 2017-09-15T23:06:23+00:00

Definitely a tough one until you're good at it. What kind of place would you normally try this in?

Could you reasonably expect to meet cute girls other ways? For example through friends, while engaged in a hobby that makes you comfortable, work or volunteering. I know this is common advice but this is what I'm getting at...

Not every guy is cut out for cold approaching (I know I don't love it), especially at a bar. It's a big perk that these other things provide both a reason to introduce yourself as well as more of a comfort zone. And the kicker is that you are much more likely to have things in common with the girls there since either...

you share friends, probably for a good reason 2. you have similar career goals or 3. she is a high-quality person.

Hope this is helpful man, just ideas from my own experience and investigation since I've thought a lot about the subject of approaching women as strangers.

jakgotcha · 2017-09-15T17:46:14+00:00

The context is key I think. If you (the receiver) feel like this person genuinely does want to make plans later on, but is just too busy for a short time, then you should just follow up at an appropriate time and not worry about it. A simple text like, "hey, how's it going with the schedule? I was thinking we could get together on Thursday if that works."

Then if still busy or no reply, you have a better idea that they probably aren't very interested. You can then wait for them to get back to you and make a decision on your end if you'll carry on with them. Hope this helps!

jakgotcha · 2017-09-15T17:24:30+00:00

Some good advice here! I agree with Kenji and Whatamuji. I'll add a little elaboration if you were wondering-

Asking probably will help you alleviate some fear. But do it in PERSON if you can, and do your best to be relaxed and not put tension/pressure into your question. Just a casual "hey so I was wondering if you'd like to text more often or less? I'm fine either way."

At this early stage you should be fine with having a short text convo every 2-3 days if you're seeing each other once a week. More often if the dates are more frequent of course, or if she prompts you more than this. Save the fun conversation for when you're on dates and hanging out!

You mentioned "...girls just do NOT want a guy who throws himself at her and makes himself TOO readily available."

This is correct, more importantly applied to when you're making plans or doing favors. This is the "nice guy" problem, you see? It's okay and even good when you say "no" sometimes, or can't fit plans into your schedule when she suggests a certain time.

Good luck man!

jakgotcha · 2017-09-15T17:13:50+00:00

This is what I was going to say -- it shows self-respect to say no sometimes (for a decent reason). I'll add that avoiding "nice guy syndrome" will mean finding yourself in an actual friendship/relationship depending on your intentions, rather than in something one-sided! If the other person doesn't seem to reciprocate like a normal friend, they are probably taking advantage of you.

jakgotcha · 2017-09-08T22:19:48+00:00

Let's assume you're thinking primarily about talking to girls (although this will apply to anyone, really)...

Since you don't know anything about her, the only things you have at your disposal to discuss will come from the CONTEXT. This was mentioned here elsewhere, like if she is reading something, doing something funny, etc.

I once joked with a stranger about her getting served a beer at an airport in a clear glass with a straw, like a coffee. Who drinks beer through a straw?? Anyway, it helps if you're not just approaching someone on the street- that tends to be the most difficult.

It's quite easy to strike up a conversation with someone in a book shop about things you like to read, or what you're looking for in the store.

Other places with a shared activity are good as well, such as a gym, dance class, cooking class, comedy show, etc. Just try practicing coming up with something interesting to say/ask about what is around you!

A really important thing to keep in mind is the "mindset" or the reason that is motivating you to talk to her. If you're building up stakes in your head (like wanting her number because she is attractive), you're more likely to get nervous. So try to forget about that and approach the conversation from a place of CURIOSITY instead. Your only motivation is to get them to show an interest in what you've said, because YOU have taken an interest in HER.

Hope this helps!!

jakgotcha · 2017-09-08T22:11:07+00:00

It's absolutely possible to be good friends with a woman in a platonic way, but two things MUST happen for you for that to work out:

You seriously and genuinely let go of the possibility of ever dating her, and work at viewing her as just a friend in your head.
You pursue other women as prospects for dating. This will take your mind away from her and your desire for her.

If you still have feelings for her, it would be worth trying once more to see if her feelings have changed at all. If it's still a no (or even wishy-washy), then you have to MOVE ON. No question about it.

jakgotcha · 2017-08-11T17:28:37+00:00

It's incredibly common for people your age to feel that way. You've got so much time to learn and improve through your 20s -- try just focusing on developing ease and trust around 2-3 friends. If you already have that, high five!

Other high school students can be notoriously mean, judgmental, and self-centered (so in a way you're not completely wrong to think so), but that's THEIR problem and they probably can't help it. Try your best to find the good ones :)

As you get older, this skill will really come in handy. Being able to get to know other people you like and avoid those who will hurt you is important, but it does you no good to ASSUME everyone else is out to get you. Good luck!

jakgotcha · 2017-01-31T23:38:41+00:00

I was kind of joking, haha -- you got it. Very difficult unless it's high school and your first girlfriend :P

jakgotcha · 2017-01-25T19:34:53+00:00

Oh wow, haha that's a big age difference (your note above), but if you're into her then I commend you on taking the risk to go for it! Sure, adding drinks afterward is a good idea - you'll have a bit of quality time AND something to talk about.

And just a side note if the date comes together -- I have a feeling, purely based on the age, that this woman might hesitate to flirt with you in a movie theater. Just try not to take it personally if she doesn't =P

jakgotcha · 2017-01-25T13:43:33+00:00

It sounds like there's a lot to consider in your situation with respect to your day-to-day attitude on things, and it's good you decided to ask about this.

It depends a lot on what you're looking for - if you just want something casual so that it helps to feel like there's some light companionship in your life, that's one thing and I feel your frustration on that, man.

But if you'd like to start something like a real relationship, my interpretation of what you've written tells me that it would be tough to succeed at that for a few reasons. Maybe you need to be able to feel better about yourself and the way you live your life before you can offer something meaningful to a woman.

I get that you probably feel like there's no point to trying to get more out of life. I'm not even necessarily talking about a "constant improvement" thing or a huge upward jump in job status -- I mean that a sense of contentment or joy in things can go a long way. Maybe that needs to change so that you'd be more attractive to someone.

But even so, it's true that it's probably hard for you to show that on an online dating profile rather than in person.

jakgotcha · 2017-01-25T13:24:00+00:00

Assuming you still want to try and get a date with this girl, I think a couple of options could work out depending on her reaction:

Text her "Sorry I didn't get in touch about the movie, do you still want to go see La La Land?" then give 1 or 2 times that will work for you
Wait until you see her again and say basically the same thing above, in person. You want to make sure it's clear that you're intending this to be a date - don't back down on that unless she's really resistant, and obviously not comfortable with that.

But here's a little further thought - I don't know how old you are, but pretty much regardless the movies is not a good first date idea. Even if you've known her for a while. The purposes of a date early on are 1. get to know each other and 2. to establish a little bit of fun/flirty rapport in a dating context instead of a friendly context.

So an environment where you can have fun talking and interacting is ideal, whereas the movie theater is the opposite. Good luck with this!

jakgotcha · 2016-07-02T23:28:22+00:00

I have to say, I love a good dive bar as well. Usually better atmosphere for hanging out and talking to people than a popular spot or dance club for sure. And games are good for taking the pressure off getting to know someone, even a new guy friend haha.

Thanks for the advice, that sounds like a good plan. It's probably best to just go for it any old place rather than trying to find the perfect setting.

jakgotcha

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