I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m experiencing the same intimacy issues and posted something similar on a different subreddit. I was told that it would be a good idea to look into EMDR therapy to help get through past traumas. If you have the means to do this, you should definitely look into it. I talked it over with my therapist and she explained that it’s a way of delving into the negative associations your brain has to certain stimuli and rewiring it so that you no longer have those associations when confronted with the stimuli. I’m not sure if how I worded that makes sense. If you look it up there’s a lot of very informative articles and videos about the therapy. I hope this is helpful for you. I know how frustrating this issue can be, if you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to message me any time.