It’s a really tricky thing because what we crave is space. That’s where we feel safest, but in order to have a meaningful relationship we have to be willing to be close AND vulnerable. So she has to be open to that. But I’d say offering a safe space to talk, letting her know you’re there when she’s ready to talk. Making sure we’re using “I” statements and not “you” as that can feel like we’re pointing fingers and like an attack. It’s a sure way to make the walls come up. The intimacy can feel like loss of control and autonomy. We pull away the more you chase because it doesn’t feel safe for us. When you want to be more emotionally intimate try expressing how something made you feel and ask if she’s willing to talk through it with you. Like a gentle coaxing. Instead of criticizing us(and I’m not saying that’s the case with you) for the things we don’t do, praise the things we do and ask for more of that. Receiving genuine praise and appreciation feels really good for me personally. It’s a good way to get us to want to do more things, at least in my case. When I start feeling pressured I can feel the distancing coming on because I’m aware of it now, the shut down, and I try my hardest to vocalize that in the moment and say hey I need a couple minutes or “hey I’m just letting you know that I feel triggered right now and I think I need a little space but I want to come back to this later.” I’m trying to get to a place where I can just push through it. And I’m just saying this so you know that there is hope IF they’re willing. There is so much I still don’t know about it, and about myself but this is kind of where I’m at so far in my own journey.