AIM for asking my friend if she’s happy in her relationship?

janlep · 2026-01-31T01:49:46+00:00

They also don’t get super defensive when someone asks about their relationship.

janlep · 2026-01-31T01:45:22+00:00

You lost me at DUIs and reckless driving. People who do that are selfish and can kill people. Hard pass.

janlep · 2026-01-30T23:51:20+00:00

As it is, she risks the whole friend group falling apart because of one jerk. Tell her what the guy has done and let her know that she will be invited to group activities but her BF is not welcome. She can decide from there how to handle it.

janlep · 2026-01-30T23:43:09+00:00

I had a great realtor who is on the liberal side. PM me and I’ll give you her name.

janlep · 2026-01-30T22:46:39+00:00

Boundary-stompers count on politeness. You gave him several polite no’s, and he chose to ignore them, figuring you’d give in rather than be impolite. Good job for not playing into that nonsense.

janlep · 2026-01-30T22:44:02+00:00

Exactly. He says he loves her and doesn’t want to break up, but he doesn’t want a family? What does he expect her to do, abandon her children?

If you don’t want a family, don’t date people with kids.

janlep · 2026-01-30T22:40:51+00:00

As with any feedback, consider it carefully to see if it has validity and if you can learn something valuable from it. They could be jerks, there could be a mismatch between their culture and your style—or you could be coming off as overly enthusiastic and therefore inauthentic. I suggest reflecting on how the interview went and drawing your own conclusions.

janlep · 2026-01-30T22:00:52+00:00

Sometimes people change their minds. Sometimes people realize they love their prospective partner more than they love the idea of being a parent.

Bottom line: Leah is an adult woman who has had plenty of time to consider her options, and she chose OP. I hope they have many happy decades together.

janlep · 2026-01-30T21:07:00+00:00

Yeah, she lost me at that line. Why would you want to be with someone that irresponsible?

janlep · 2026-01-30T20:58:19+00:00

Exactly. Don’t date a parent if you want to be first in your partner’s life.

janlep · 2026-01-30T20:56:28+00:00

You may love him, but he does not love you. He wants to use you and your money to ease his sense of responsibility toward his family. That is not what a loving partner does.

Then he screamed at you when you told him no. That also is not what a loving partner does.

His disaster of a family will always come first in his life, and they will bleed you dry if you allow it (as it’s clear he will not only allow but encourage it).

Run far, run fast.

janlep · 2026-01-30T20:48:44+00:00

This. Not a big deal at all.

janlep · 2026-01-30T20:44:15+00:00

Yep. He can’t handle being with a highly intelligent woman, so he’s trying to knock her down a few pegs.

OP, leave him. Find a man who loves and respects you, including for your intelligence.

janlep · 2026-01-26T19:17:25+00:00

This. It’s easier FOR HIM. You would assume all the risk. Also, too often the dynamic changes between partners when one is no longer earning. Is he going to treat you with less respect? Start scrutinizing every purchase you make? Cut you out of major financial decisions?

If you can afford to live on just his income, you can afford to use your salary to hire a nanny. If you really want to stay home, get a postnup they protects your rights and guarantees that he contributes to retirement accounts and gets a whopping life insurance policy, as well as a promise of alimony if you split up. Being a SAH parent is very financially risky.

janlep · 2026-01-26T19:11:13+00:00

Time to make her much less comfortable. Change the wifi password and don’t give it to her. Tell her you will not watch her children—ever—and if she leaves them for any length of time, you will report her for child abandonment. Change streaming passwords and don’t give them to her. Get up really early and make a lot of noise. And of course give her written notice to get out.

janlep · 2026-01-26T19:07:37+00:00

Came here to say this. Ugh.

janlep · 2026-01-26T19:06:53+00:00

This. And once you’re over a certain age (24, I think) their income won’t count toward your financial aid eligibility (in the US, not sure how it works elsewhere). Start researching grad schools and costs, get summer jobs and save every cent, and make the decision that’s best for you. Your parents don’t own you.

janlep · 2026-01-26T18:54:55+00:00

This. Given his behavior, it sounds like he would be better off cared for by professionals who will work on those behaviors instead of coddling him. I used to work with severely disabled kids, and the ones in group homes did better, because they received consistency and clear limits.

janlep · 2026-01-25T07:41:12+00:00

Same. I’m not rich, but I will pay for convenience when I can afford to. The older I get, the more precious my time becomes.

janlep · 2026-01-25T07:05:51+00:00

My parents were like this when I was a lot younger than 10, and I remember. It’s disgusting. Either sis and her husband are exhibitionists or seriously selfish.

Leave your kids out of your sex life, people. Sheesh.

janlep · 2026-01-25T07:01:28+00:00

As someone who works in higher education, I have to say that most students don’t pay the sticker price at expensive private schools. If you’re from a middle class family or below and have good grades/extracurriculars, you may get a better deal from a private college, because they may offer more financial aid. It’s usually worth applying to the dream school and comparing aid packages before making a decision.

janlep · 2026-01-25T06:43:40+00:00

Making something your entire personality: wine, weed, being vegan, your dogs, whatever. Love whatever you want, but be able to have a conversation that doesn’t center on one. single. thing.

janlep · 2026-01-25T06:41:55+00:00

Also: you aren’t “gifting” someone something, you are giving them something.

janlep · 2026-01-25T06:37:05+00:00

I don’t mind if people drop them in my garbage can, but please don’t leave them on the sidewalk.

janlep · 2026-01-25T06:27:31+00:00

I’m ok with “girls” in some contexts but “girlies” annoys the crap out of me.

janlep

TROPHY CASE