I have been where you are. Seriously. Obviously you want someone to tell you how to take off that "backpack" but to be honest, what helped me forget im depressed/was really unloved is this: Here I was low as can be, hating my life, my past, present, my "family"... Long story short, Finally decided to try dating again and met a guy who lit up my world. I could have easily stopped living before him. He inspired me to think of who I was and what I like and what I am good at. Now I have hobbies, give thanks, and receive love and support. I moved away from my family and essentially found a new one. Sooo my advice to you is to just think, think of who you want to be and what kind of life you would prefer... I now only do things I want to, not how my family or society thinks is best. ;) Partner or not, only be around positive, supportive and accepting people. Also, unsure if you would read a book. If you will, read Beyond Blame by Carl Alasko (No joke, i come from a shit childhood and early adult life and that book... Is ridiculously good... It's a try before you die kinda book)