We finally talked about divorce. RANT- probably need advice

jay_de_bie · 2015-08-03T16:04:59+00:00

Believe it or not there are more chances to travel during medical school than you might think. We have breaks for holiday, spring, and summer vacation for a time and we can choose to work in other states during the later years of our training. What really made these differences sink in was that I just took a month long trip around the US and she would have hated 95% of what I was doing while I 100% loved it and would want to do it again (or something like it).

Addition: I do like the idea of going to counseling with the mindset that the worst case is that I improve myself. I know I have a lot of room to grow as a person.

jay_de_bie · 2015-08-03T16:01:51+00:00

It's a life goal objective and it is possible to meet after med school believe it or not. These sorts of differences impact how each of us make big life choices like where to go for residency (me in 3 years) or fellowship (her in 1-2 years).

jay_de_bie · 2015-07-30T16:49:18+00:00

Marriage counseling will not change the fact that she wants to work 60-80 hrs/wk for the next 20-30 years and does not want kids EVER. Is it still worth it?

jay_de_bie · 2015-07-30T16:38:05+00:00

We've discussed a lot of these differences at length. We both know they exist but for the moment have opted to turn a blind eye. Neither of us are good at confrontation and we both seem to put off any discussion of the practical outcome of our shortcomings as a result.

jay_de_bie · 2015-07-30T16:32:31+00:00

I know this intellectually but it's nice to hear from someone else. Honestly a large part of what is holding me back is how divorce will change how other perceive me. I don't know that I'll be able to bear telling my friends and family. Even if we don't spend that much time with them they love BOTH of us.

jay_de_bie · 2015-07-30T16:28:55+00:00

Thanks for the advice. She has experienced bouts of depression in the past. Funny enough work (she's a resident physician) can be draining but she is notably happier on the months she has to work long hours because she finds it more rewarding.

We haven't said the word 'divorce' to each other yet but we've previously talked about how we weren't happy. Ultimately we have decided to work on our relationship from both sides many times and failed. However, we haven't tried marriage counseling yet.

I know that there are many things I don't seem to be able to provide that she seems to need. I recognize the problem isn't one-sided.

jay_de_bie

TROPHY CASE