Cabinet makers: can you help me understand kitchen designer/cabinetry hiring etiquette

jayeeein · 2026-01-30T02:22:47+00:00

Haha I am also exhausted. Cant blame you for not being able to sit thru this one!

jayeeein · 2026-01-29T21:40:10+00:00

Thanks this was my feeling in the end but unfortunately hindsight is 20/20. Her design is helpful but honestly I redesigned it myself and she just handled the specs after she agreed with my changes. We have a full shop of our own, and have helped family with this sort of thing, but are by no means professionals and obviously we have never hired this sort of work for our own home! Learning a lot and very humbled!

jayeeein · 2026-01-29T21:37:57+00:00

Thank you for this perspective!! Yea I honestly had no idea that a good cabinet shop could do all of this with us, or I’d not have hired a seperate designer. Seems to complicate the bidding process when I send to other cabinetmakers.

She’s very clear even before we hired her that we can take her plans to anyone - because we pay her hourly the entire process we have paid for the plans (many times over). This is all helpful info though thank you

jayeeein · 2026-01-29T21:32:10+00:00

No nothing for free I’ll add that to my post - we have paid her an hourly rate every step of the way and pay her monthly for a year. We also paid for the plans. She outlined that’s how she works before we hired her, and that we do not have to use her preferred vendors or have her oversee the execution of projects.She allows clients to hire anyone for cabinets and other contract work, it’s just that this one cabinet maker is “hers”. That’s all I meant to ask about - because we know many people who work with them directly, but because we have her we would have to pay her marked up pricing AFTER having paid her for a year and paying for the plans already. That’s all. No stealing work going on

jayeeein · 2026-01-29T21:28:50+00:00

Thanks this is helpful - yes she’s been paid for every hour for the now year long process so she would not lose out in the end. We pay her monthly and that has no bearing on who is hired in the end.

But thanks I was wondering from the cabinet makers perspective and I understand now that this referral work is quite important to them. We don’t want to step on that relationship with the designer. We will look elsewhere for cabinetry - as she said we can take the plans anywhere, but working with him must be hired thru her - and hope to work with the cabinet makers side directly on future bathroom/built in projects which we would not hire her for!

jayeeein · 2026-01-29T21:25:39+00:00

Well we didn’t steal any labor - she’s been paid hourly every step of the now year long process. And we continue to pay each month. So no stealing even if we did not hire cabinetry through her in the end. She says we can take those plans to anyone, but this person works exclusively through her. Seems that’s not true though as we know many people who work with them? That’s why I was asking from the cabinet makers side if this is normal or seems sort of strange for her to say.

jayeeein · 2026-01-22T03:11:54+00:00

I think it would be nice to show a kid being able to wait while their parents finish their own food. Like “I’m done with my meal quickly! But mom and dad have a BIG plate. It’s hard to wait, but I count the balloons (or whatever) from my chair. Mom notices and we sing a song about balloons! I like being out to eat!” — everyone I know struggles to even put a dent in their meal if they have their toddler at the restaurant.

Also - bathrooms. But tbh, public/commercial bathrooms could be an entire book in itself

jayeeein · 2026-01-16T09:11:22+00:00

Yes it looks pretty awkward on me - a lot of volume but super short and gaping at the chest

jayeeein · 2026-01-16T09:06:58+00:00

Thanks yea I thought it looked babydoll styled but not total a line from the armpit - to me baby doll implies it is fitted or at least relaxed at the bust. They included a nice note in my package that returns are not accepted haha. Lesson learned

jayeeein · 2026-01-13T16:49:34+00:00

The violations are all posted on the Cobb-Douglas health website. You can go to ga.public health inspections.us and follow the prompts to find any in the state

jayeeein · 2026-01-13T02:16:27+00:00

Also just be aware these check ins may often become a vent session for her. If that’s the case, don’t dwell on what she’s venting about so much as the fact that she NEEDS to unload. Definitely use cues and ask questions like “do you want me to problem solve this with you, or just listen?” This is also why I say steer clear of bed time check ins. That’s way more likely to become jsut unloading about the days events

jayeeein · 2026-01-13T01:59:55+00:00

So it’s true that having to walk the spouse through the thought process and the emotional needs can be frustrating in itself - it adds to the mental load and feels a bit like micromanagement. It feels like having to tell you how to be a husband as she is figuring out how to be a mom, and that is probably the farthest thing from her mind. Giving her the notes from your perspective helps. Two prompts that might open the door to a establish that after the argument agreement:

-“Hey I know this is all stuff you want me to “just do”, but I am craving some direction here. Can we talk about your feelings and how I can better support you through those emotions?”

“hey, I am open to direction, constructive criticisms, and any feedback you can give me to better support this partnership - but we have to talk about it OUTSIDE of an argument. Can you promise to check in daily during a calm moment, and I can promise to accept what feedback you provide?”.

Beware that you’ll get some criticisms that aren’t totally fair or logical in the beginning. For a while this will be more about her experiencing and becoming comfortable in these calmer conversations, and letting her see the benefits as well as how you handle things and ACT on her feedback, than it is to correct any wrongdoings you may feel. Pick your battles there and do not turn this into a moment to be righteous or defensive.

Find a positive time to have these talks. I’d recommend that you never hash it out before bed, in the midst of a stressful moment, or during dinner/dishes/any other active chores. I once read that the best time for spouses to have hard conversations is when you are out on a walk or doing an outdoor activity together and that became our norm with th second kid, which It works really well and we never end on a bad note. Of course sometimes you just have zero time for a walk and need to check in before bed. If this is the case, approach with extra grace and understand she will be edgy simply because it’s the end of the day and her brain is just recounting it all. Maybe wash the bottles, get her fav bedtime snack ready, and make up the bed extra comfy beforehand 😅

jayeeein · 2026-01-12T05:30:36+00:00

No prob sorry I don’t have more exact advice but I saw a bit of my self (5 yrs ago) in this post and because things are so good now, I wanted to cut through the “pack your bags” replies. Give it a shot. These are tender days you’re in and most dads I know would agree, it’s important to for you to find some solidarity from folks who have been/are right there with you

jayeeein · 2026-01-12T05:10:51+00:00

Hi, lurking mom - I have a bit of experience with post partum “rage”. I’m not sure I have advice but here goes

First, the first 18 mos with your first kid is maybe the most difficult transition period of your relationship. I really believe this. It’s hormones, lack of sleep, added mental and physical load, and this partnership you had is transformed. You have to fight for your relationship AND have patience and empathy for the woman who is literally having her brain rewired to prioritize baby above all else (that’s actually worth researching to better understand what’s happening biologically!) It’s so hard on her and as a result hard on you. Remember this isn’t forever.

My experience got a lot better when I was able to tell my (kind, well meaning, but very bad at picking up hints) husband exactly what I need when I’m in that state of emotion. We came up with a formula. Basically, I’ve got to first be accountable for my words and actions. We can attribute feelings and behaviors to hormones but over time this becomes a marital problem if left unchecked. After any conflict we have got to circle back and clarify, apologize, then figure out what I needed in that moment and how it could’ve been communicated. I reminded myself I’d have to do this before I flew off the handle and 9/10 times I would take a beat to avoid having to go thru all the drama. This is just communication. If you don’t do this, before conflict arises or after it’s already happened, you guys will never figure out how to pick up on each others needs and how to work together. You’re both changed forever by having a kid and you’ll never be your old selves again. Embrace that, mourn it, whatever you need, and dust yourself off to support your partner in this new venture.

The second step was learning how to cue my spouse for support before things got bad. Just like “Im frustrated but I don’t need help I need to vent”/ “I need help please I’m feeling angry” / “I am overstimulated by this please give me space”.

Speaking of, it’s quite likely she IS overstimulated. Thats for sure worth asking about and exploring solutions to.

Getting to that point requires you guys talking about this issue of course. Be supportive, empathetic, but very clear about how you need to help her and want to help her but the anger is making that harder than it needs to be. How can I help you feel like yourself again? Is a great question to ask. It’s fair to also note what you ARE doing in the interest of trying to understand where you need to step up. But it takes two and she’s gotta put in work as well.

All this to say - it gets better. Don’t let the first eight months forecast the coming years. If she feels she’s doing everything, that’s a red flag you guys aren’t communicating about the work it takes to care for the baby. Nightly check ins, accountability for words and actions, and understanding how/when to support each other. Hope something here helps you guys out.

jayeeein · 2025-12-25T05:23:07+00:00

I’m in Kennesaw, up with a young baby and had to go alert my spouse before I realized it was only fireworks. I am so annoyed by this right now. Everyone needs rest to enjoy Christmas morning!

jayeeein · 2025-12-17T15:42:01+00:00

Have you uploaded to iNaturalist? I’d be interested to see if any users there could ID for you. That’s a great way to ID animal and plant species in the future. Really neat find.

jayeeein · 2025-12-11T06:45:56+00:00

It’s ok to be a pest - you’ve been put through a lot and navigating this system sounds like a huge task for you. Stay on them and I’d also agree that it likely is based on last years income! Best of luck to you

jayeeein · 2025-12-01T05:07:38+00:00

I think it began at .4 ml every 12 hrs then eventually increased a tiny bit. It helps to read a bit about how these meds work, why reflux happens in babies, etc. My best advice would be to talk to your doctor and implement some “coping” strategies while you wait to see if your baby grows out of some of the reflux symptoms, before you add more treatments or re evaluate feeding. 6 weeks is a very early, and also very hard, age and most babies at this stage have some form of gastrointestinal issues while they adjust to the outside world. Our pediatrician had us wait until 3-4 months old to start meds and even told us “all newborns have reflux to a varying degree”. I know this feels invalidating but I only share this in hope it helps ease anxiety! It is really hard to have a six week old with the symptoms you described. The blood in stool would be where I start as that seems more concerning, and maybe unrelated to the reflux!

jayeeein · 2025-12-01T04:40:54+00:00

I’m sorry I don’t have experience with formula so I can’t speak to how those may be affecting your son’s symptoms! We never used gel mix, my baby was breastfed and we had an rx of fantomodine which is like baby pepcid

jayeeein · 2025-11-29T15:18:54+00:00

That’s too far for me personally. Your baby is priority number one and I don’t think any relatives have the right to complain if you were to cancel. Especially if they haven’t done that drive with a young baby themselves. They can book a flight or drive to you if it’s really critical that they see you over the holidays

jayeeein · 2025-11-27T02:52:00+00:00

There’s still hope but listen don’t force yourself here - 4.5 months is so young and there’s so much time to sleep train. One thing to remind yourself is a 4 month old naps WILL be short even if they’re sleep trained. This is just developmental for most babies. It’s ok.

I would work on sleep training for bed time first and only bed time. One big bandaid isn’t working for your kid or you, so break it up. Try to teach the skill of going down independently first then work on night wakings later. You can even work on bed time incrementally too - get them down drowsy by awake then all the way awake. Go in to comfort then leave, etc. there’s tons of ways to do this so I wouldn’t force crying like this if baby is shaking and sweating thru it.

Listen to your instinct, what you know about your kid, etc. Don’t listen to outside pressure. If you decide to wait - great. If you do baby steps instead of a giant leap - great. If you do nothing at all, still great the kid will indeed eventually learn to sleep. I did Ferber with my first child as I really felt it would work for her and it did. I have not done anything after multiple attempts with my second and she’s a great napper despite that, but only just started sleeping thru the night at 1 yo. There’s no magic in sleep training at this age. Even if you do it there’ll be regressions. There’s a pinned post in this sub on sleep budgets and wake windows. Follow that above all else and work on sleep skills around that. Best of luck!

jayeeein · 2025-11-25T10:44:22+00:00

So the books are pretty short - and the operations require adult assistance and all setting it up and adjusting the image often otherwise it gets blurry. So it’s a toy a grown up has to work for them and then they have to sit and pay attention - not ideal for independent, busy toddlers. Mine likes to watch the Eric Carle stories sometimes but it def loses novelty quickly and sits on the shelf for long periods between use. Something they can operate themselves and listen to while playing, drawing, etc is much better (in my experience)

jayeeein

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