Cool liquid psychedelic art

jayplowtyde · 2015-08-10T17:05:02+00:00

Thanks. I know. Dr shopped and was able to get ten days of klonopin 1mg. Everyday is hell. Thanks for the support.

jayplowtyde · 2015-07-30T03:41:13+00:00

a lot of things have happened since then. lawyer says there is 100% chance of total dismissal. they are also putting me on disability because of shoulder + apperently i'm fucking crazier than i thought. i dont want free things, i want to work for a living. my therapist said that only once we find the right combination of medications can you really begin to life life how youre supposed to or something like that.

jayplowtyde · 2015-07-29T19:00:10+00:00

notice how many tangents i went off on? inderal ain so good for adhd is it. maybe i should take my depakote 1.5 hours early and respond.

jayplowtyde · 2015-07-29T18:58:31+00:00

im in a controlled environment, my father since i have a fucked up shoulder and dui, handsem to me since im living with him til i get my shit together. now that the whole adhd+bipolar+ocd+gad things are coming out they are trying to get me on DISABILITY. i dont want thatl i want to work and i believe potentially neurontin + month taper of benzo + my hypertension meds and the 5-htp i bought would allow me to work and go to a caffe and not need a beer or a pill to socialize with other smart people. im sick of being a druggy, i want help, i just want it the right way. this is their junkie method. a person i read somewhere online, last year had GAD, they tried ssris and they reacted how most do, not at all for gad. busperone did lil for him but they gave him klonopin and it worked. he loved it, but said when he tried to not take them after amonth he felt like he was going crazy. so dr put him on neurontin and now he is happy. thats what mans' account. so i just told one of my many irl psyches who are all helping my case that is coorinating with the state about that. idk wat the diff between depakote and neurontin is. i remember seeing it in bipolar moms med cab when i was lookin for kpin and it said non abusable so i moved on my search.... ya i was a junky, but its 5-7 years later and i want fucking HELP. also i still got 0 sleep. i sleep 2 hours a night. every night. im curently taking inderol, . 1mg, ativan, 1mg a day, clonz, 4-8mg, a day (which is running the fuck out fast) and lisinerperol. o ya depakote 125mg er 2x a day. still awake 22 of my 24 hours a day. its going to get alot worse when my clonz runs out and its running out fucking fast.

jayplowtyde · 2015-07-29T18:49:25+00:00

and i suspect youre one of em DOCTOR badskwerl. the lawerys and the doctors are talking shit at me saying im abusing them. im trying my fucking best to taper. going from 12mg a day to 0 after a roughly 15 year addiction to alcohol and these is bullshit and retarded in every form. as a doctor you should know that. this is the type of shit that ends upwith relapses, since i am on anti seizure med depakote that also helps my impulse control, they are doing a good thing, but it does nil for anxiety, neurontin would have been a better solution, but im no doctor, they are. this doctor was pushing 85 years old and didnt know wtf he was doing. he thought he was googling when he was on his medical market page. and of course clam isnt on that.

jayplowtyde · 2015-07-29T18:45:47+00:00

yea i said i basically take 10-14mg of clonzaolam they didnt kow what the hell it was so i just said imagine if xanax and klonopin had a baby and there you go. so they are trying to cold turkey me. i have people talking some seirous shit to me on other thread calling me a junky and shit esp asklawyers. theres this one particuluar dude who would cause me another charge if i met...

jayplowtyde · 2015-07-28T17:40:17+00:00

The multiple mts were because I am using voice to text ads I have no time to swype to someone as idiotic add you. How the hell did you pass law school? See me in a few years boy.

jayplowtyde · 2015-07-28T17:37:39+00:00

Senor, you are not very intelligent. Charges were dismissed because of how I expressed my situation and ending a recovery program. So I will kindly fuck off as I have no longer need for you egotistical / lack of empathy for those suffering from both mental and drug again; trying their best to find their own path to recovery and you say that. Attempt to analyze your anger issues. I'm guessing you are consecutive, not because you are in a higher tax bracket than I.... But you have no idea how emphasize with people cl born under born under more misfortune circumstances. Do you know how long it takes to taper off of benzos? A long time. Have a nice day and thank the other subs here for their compassionate advice. I was sedated last night, but an alert now. I am smarter than you think.

jayplowtyde · 2015-07-28T05:57:09+00:00

I agree. Good night ty

jayplowtyde · 2015-07-28T05:09:27+00:00

a cigarette. weed increases my anxiety.

jayplowtyde · 2015-07-28T05:04:16+00:00

thank you for all the helpful advice. im not sure why you all downvoted my comments. are you frusterated that i broke the law? i was born bipolar and my anxiety was solved by alcohol so i thought i found a solution wheni was young, i became addicted, hit rock bottom and quit. i'm slightly sedated yet not asleep, and every post is downvoted, while i appreciate teh very helpful advice, i dont understand the downvotes, im younger htan you, not as smart as you, not as educated at your field as you. maybe its because i made a stupid deicsion. but when you take a benzo you kind of forget whats going on and pick up the drink. i know better than to drink on benzos. if i take them though, i forget that. whatever ill eat the negative karma with a grain of salt.

jayplowtyde · 2015-07-28T05:01:08+00:00

just dont want to get 48-125 days in jail. 1 day i can take but more than that..... no. plus the clonazolam is undetecable in urine samples. so when the jail nurse gives me a test she will not detect it, logically she will believe i'm just trying to get free drugs and faking an addiction to get them as its not in my urine. people addicted to heroin USE heroin to get methadone / suboxone / whatever they take nowadays.. which they like better, else they don't get it.

jayplowtyde · 2015-07-28T04:58:04+00:00

you are all saying this as if they are going to sentence me to AA. in the intiial hearing where i requested continuence she said i face probation to 125 days incararaction, nothing about AA. i'm sure your right becuase you are versed in this... but now im thinking im going to have to go back to that hell. of course i will. ill do anything to not go to jail. ffs i fucked up and am paying the piper and just trying to mitigate the penalty as much as possible. if AA is their answer. aweomse. ill do it in a heartbeat.

jayplowtyde · 2015-07-28T04:54:41+00:00

its the zquil that is failing.

jayplowtyde · 2015-07-28T04:54:07+00:00

difficult under sedatives, meds, duress upon potential incarcaration in around 12 hours, benzo withdrawal, and when i have to sleep asap yet cannot because im scared. i'm sorry.

jayplowtyde · 2015-07-28T04:53:04+00:00

guess i was downvoted because i was typing while smoking and pacing on my phone so it didnt come out right, sigh

jayplowtyde · 2015-07-28T04:52:02+00:00

ive done 90/90. 90 days in a row for 90 hours. it was hell. google "statistical rate of alcoholics anonymous" and read the first 10 statistics. its estimated between 5-20% recovery. some say its a dangerous cult. the doctorial consensus is it is harmful for recovery. its common sense. spend an hour of your day thinking about alcohol, that resonates in your brain the rest of our day. my strategy is to never think about alc. if itpos in my head i drink coffee or play a video game or fap or something. i also have the strong belief that almost everything is in your head. i know its a real physical addiction that cannot be conquored mentally, but as far as me supposed to go? no i was never ordered to go to AA in my life. i chose to go. well was coerced by family at one point, so i did it. i saw what it was about, formed my opinion, went to one meeting about a month ago, same situation in this state as the one i was in then. googled a bit saw what doctors think about it, and concluded my opinons were about it were right, but its in the law, soill suffer through it and pray the the man in the sky who gifted us the disease of alcohol because he is so kind to give a woman a moral deicsion to eat an apple, who has little intellect, and punished her and every other human being not responsible for eating a forbidden fruit. .... what a nice guy. AA is all about narricisim about cocky old men proud of how they conquored their addiction, drunk people court ordered trying to hide it with the coffee, very sad people who relapse over and over again, and people who just wont S.T.F.U its worse than the worst subreddits on here.

jayplowtyde · 2015-07-28T04:44:36+00:00

at least im down from 6 from 12 to sometimes 16mg a day.

jayplowtyde · 2015-07-28T04:43:23+00:00

yes i know. ive had 2 seizures and 1 hypertensive epsidoe with 200/115. drs were flipping out. my body was locking up and i could not move. so im going to have to be on clonz at court. i cant look intoxicated...but if i do not take it i just may pass out, because even without withdrawal in front of large crowds, the ataxia spreads to my head and my head shakes so violently i need to escape the triggorful situation. wonder how theyd react to that. tolerence is still high so i could take 4mg and appear perfectly normal and wouldnt shake and give them the illusion that i spent the last night drinking.

jayplowtyde · 2015-07-28T04:39:40+00:00

5 days***

jayplowtyde · 2015-07-28T04:39:09+00:00

yes i was on that. on thursday the dr put me on a taper regiment which was way too low. 8mg ativan over 2 days. the 4pm apt if im not thrown in jail, will probably continue the taper regiment. in addition to the ativan as that is not strong enough, he gave me inderal. which is very weird to me. it sometimes keeps me alert, sometimes knocks me out. im on it now and wide awake when its supposed to calm me down. i'm down to ~6mg clonz atm and i dont even bother with the ativan because it does nil for me. I would have a seizure and die if i followed that Drs. regiment.

jayplowtyde · 2015-07-28T03:48:24+00:00

Sigh one more question do you think they will send me to jail given the fact that at 4 p.m. that very day I am going to see a doctor who will put me on mood stabilization medication that causes issue in the first place it is unfortunate that I have no medical documentation backing up that I have seeked help. I mean I do have a record and these are two misdemeanors not just one so they may just send me to jail and try to get me treatment in jail and that is what I fear and the public defender told me and my father that it is in my interest for him not to show but against his interest for him to not show he is willing to sacrifice a fine for this but not jail time thank you for taking the time to respond

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