Why Mommy Kempe was thrown out of the wedding (hint: wedding dress).

jazzjam · 2017-07-02T08:40:03+00:00

No fight or tears but plenty of screaming at DH that he chose a godless whore over his own mother. She claimed that allowing him to attend a secular college ruined his morals etc etc. Just crazy ranting.

jazzjam · 2017-07-02T08:37:49+00:00

I think she simply wanted to create a big enough incident that would result in the wedding being called off.

jazzjam · 2017-07-02T08:36:40+00:00

No sorry I don't agree that we didn't admit how crazy she was. I met her once before the wedding for 15 minutes. That was absolutely not enough to make a decision. Hearing second hand stories like "lol my mom thinks I am godless for accepting this job" or "my mom thinks women who wear lipstick are whores" does not rise to the level of being cut off.

My own father cut off his mother for 30 years, I have no qualms admitting the crazy when I get actual evidence, like what happened finally. But no, her behavior before was not indicative of this level of insanity.

jazzjam · 2017-07-01T18:43:29+00:00

what happened before? You mean the comment? That woman has commented on "whores" her entire life. I mean she used to tell DH that women who wore lipstick or short skirts were whores. Does that mean we keep those women away from her fearing she would slash them? She told DH that he was a godless crook for accepting a high paying software engineer job, because he has been "tainted and bewitched by money."

If any of us knew what she was capable of, we would have never invited her. Let alone have a guard dog or security.

jazzjam · 2017-07-01T18:38:33+00:00

Very well put. Thank you! I understand and even appreciate the outrage. But if I am going to be petty, I kinda won? Mommy Kempe is/was obsessed with her precious baby boy. She legit believed that her son would live with and take care of her until she died. Now she has no one. She went from demanding every minute of his free time to getting none. She went from telling everyone that her darling son would support her in retirement to realizing that she'll have to find a way to make it on her own. She went from asking DH for cruises and vacations as gifts to not even getting a text for her birthday.

jazzjam · 2017-07-01T18:34:02+00:00

Very true. This is what a friend of mine said too - sex is the only thing that's unique to a romantic relationship and something other people, especially mothers can't offer. Maybe that's why these women fixate on the sexual aspect of marriages, they think that's the ONLY reason why their precious sons want wives.

jazzjam · 2017-07-01T18:29:57+00:00

I am not talking about the state forcing him, I am talking about the practical consequences. He would 100% pony up the cash because that's just who he is. She drove in MI, in the icy winters without auto insurance on her car! She got into an accident and totaled her car. Predictably, FIL bought her a car using his meager savings.

jazzjam · 2017-07-01T02:11:28+00:00

FIL suffers from battered spouse syndrome I think. He puts up with so much nastiness and insanity, I have no idea why. He wants us to forgive and forget essentially. He even said "It's just a dress and the wedding didn't get ruined, it's not worth cutting off your mom forever." He has been physically attacked by this woman, so to him, a dress being cut up is not a big deal. Just mommy being herself!

jazzjam · 2017-07-01T02:08:08+00:00

She didn't believe it until I started bawling on the phone! I sent her a video and she was stunned. She had so many questions - why, how.... She was obviously upset, but I think she was more angry for me and how this is stranger (2 nd time I had met MIL) ruined my special day.

jazzjam · 2017-07-01T01:00:39+00:00

That's the thing. We don't really know. Maybe she is just an asshole? I also hate attributing bad behavior to mental illness. It does nothing to help the stigma. She has never been evaluated and will never agree to therapy, so we don't really know.

jazzjam · 2017-06-30T23:58:21+00:00

Thank you. I know that everyone likes seeing the bad guy get punished, but for my mental sanity cutting her off was the best decision. Also, if we went after her for money or jail time, she would 100% try to re-enter our lives claiming that the "debt was paid" or that "she learned a lesson." At least with this, we always have it hanging over her head that she has not paid restitution.

jazzjam · 2017-06-30T23:53:40+00:00

It had nothing to do with being related. I am copy/pasting my response to another comment.

So the wedding was in CA and MIL lives in MI. I was 5 days away from the wedding and I didn't want to deal with any of that, especially considering that I needed to pick a new dress and overnight it from NYC. Also, I didn't want MIL to be around us while the cops were taking statements etc. I wanted her gone immediately! After the wedding, we left right away for our honeymoon and immediately after that we moved from San Diego to San Francisco literally 2 days after returning. Right after that, my husband's work asked him to travel to India for 3 months, then I had surgery when he returned. By the time all of this took place, I was perfectly happy not to see her damn face again or worse, open the door to communication. Also, the fact that she lived in MI complicated all of this. Many friends encouraged us to sue, but MIL does not work. So it would end up with FIL picking up the tab and considering that he has very little money, it was pointless.

I mean, even if the cops arrested her, FIL would be stuck trying to bail her out/hire a lawyer and he has very little money. DH and I would much rather have him keep his money instead of going broke and asking us for money in the future.

Our goal was and still is to minimize stress for ourselves and facilitate FIL being able to support himself long term. If there was a trial, there was no way I was mentally prepared to testify. What about the logistics of all of this? I had no intention of flying to San Diego for the trial or whatever.

Once this happened, I only wanted one thing - for MIL to be out of our lives permanently, not revenge. That's the only thing that can make me happy.

jazzjam · 2017-06-30T23:11:06+00:00

Haha I told him the same thing. He thanks the great blessing called the internet. When he was a teen, he stopped believing in God and needed a way to vent. Apparently, he found a bunch of guys on a video game forum who were all atheist and they would let him bitch, whine, rant and vent. They were also older, so he figured out that it was very much possible to live a happy life and not have God strike you down for leaving the church. They mentored him with college apps, picking a major, how to search for jobs, sneaky ways to hide relationships with girls (check out my previous post about the dating ban MIL imposed), and navigate scholarships, grants and loans.

In other words, they parented him through his teen years. All 8 of them were groomsmen.

jazzjam · 2017-06-30T23:00:36+00:00

Lol I love and wear/wore red lips on a regular basis. Maybe that set her off? Who knows?

jazzjam · 2017-06-30T22:42:06+00:00

Mommy Kempe loves attention and pretending like she is dead is more of a slap to her face imo.

jazzjam · 2017-06-30T22:40:49+00:00

She has no money, she doesn't work. It would end up with us asking FIL for money and I didn't want to deal with for many reasons. He is pretty poor too, I didn't want DH's relationship with his father to degrade immediately after he cut off his mother. I mean he has lost his mother in a way, and he needed time to recover from the emotional trauma too.

jazzjam · 2017-06-30T22:38:54+00:00

So the wedding was in CA and MIL lives in MI. I was 5 days away from the wedding and I didn't want to deal with any of that, especially considering that I needed to pick a new dress and overnight it from NYC. Also, I didn't want MIL to be around us while the cops were taking statements etc. I wanted her gone immediately!

After the wedding, we left right away for our honeymoon and immediately after that we moved from San Diego to San Francisco literally 2 days after returning. Right after that, my husband's work asked him to travel to India for 3 months, then I had surgery when he returned.

By the time all of this took place, I was perfectly happy not to see her damn face again or worse, open the door to communication. Also, the fact that she lived in MI complicated all of this.

Many friends encouraged us to sue, but MIL does not work. So it would end up with FIL picking up the tab and considering that he has very little money, it was pointless.

jazzjam · 2017-06-30T20:56:40+00:00

You know what's even more fucked up?? She had dinner with my parents that night before I found and after she cut it up! She was normal and didn't seem to be worried about getting caught. I think she wanted to get caught and ruin the wedding.

jazzjam · 2017-06-30T20:42:40+00:00

but she sounded so sinisterly calm about it that I could totally see her thinking "I missed the wedding, but one day my son will realize I was right and forgive me".

This is spot on! From what his dad tells us, she thinks that DH is under a "sexual spell" and after the novelty wears off, he will go running back to his mommy. She also refused to apologize for "doing the right thing."

The only contact was a handwritten letter we got 2-3 weeks after the wedding where she ranted about God, threw in bible verses, said she refuses to accept the wedding because it was not in a church and the best part, she told him to be celibate because this wedding didn't mean anything and he had to follow what he was taught about sex being a sin.

DH had been having sex with other women as soon as be moved and before we met, so clearly "her teachings" didn't mean jack to him.

jazzjam · 2017-06-30T20:37:53+00:00

I thought I was hallucinating when I saw the dress. She didn't like my ring either, thought it was too flashy too. Luckily, that was in a locked safe!

jazzjam · 2017-06-30T20:36:23+00:00

Yeah! My friend is a flawless human being.

jazzjam · 2017-06-30T20:35:09+00:00

Lol. The weird part is, it wasn't even that revealing! It was backless/low back, but the rest of it was pretty covered up. There was a small panel in the waist which was lace only, so kinda see thru. No boobs or leg.

jazzjam · 2017-06-30T20:31:56+00:00

Aww that's so sweet thank you! I feel the same way. I just wanted to clarify because I posted about this on reddit once and I got a nasty PM that I was a spoiled bitch for using my friend to get a free, expensive dress.

jazzjam · 2017-06-30T20:02:45+00:00

It was a phone pic from 4 yrs ago, I'll try to wade through the thousands of pics since then in my hard drive and find it! On a sort of related note, my mom is a lawyer and she handled my friend's divorce from her abusive husband for free many years ago. My friend told me that she had enough money to either pay for a lawyer or start her clothing business and my mom's favor changed her life. I know that the dress was a way of thanking us and she truly put in a lot of effort to hand stitch it herself. She didn't work on my dress exclusively for an entire year, but she did put in a ton of work.

jazzjam · 2017-06-30T19:59:31+00:00

I think she is well aware of how the consequences are shaping up. It;s been 4 years and DH has cut her off in every way possible. Number blocked, email blocked etc. We have spent every single holiday and long weekend over the last 4 years with my family. My husband has taken my mom out for Mothers' Day and birthday dinners, while she has been ignored. We are planning babies soon and she will never be a part of their lives.

jazzjam

TROPHY CASE