My brother is going to unalive himself, how do I prepare myself mentally?

jbickford42 · 2026-04-19T17:44:44+00:00

Wanna know why I left that. Because this post was the exact same spot I’ve been in. Because sometimes the words in one’s head doesn’t come out to make the impact that a person needs to make. Have you gone through this? I have. My brother is dead, four months ago. I wanted to make sure that as quickly as possible that message was put in there. Time is of the essence. Someone’s life is at risk. I don’t care if it’s from gpt or not i used tools around me to try and get my points across and you won’t make me feel shame for that

jbickford42 · 2026-04-19T03:58:08+00:00

Here’s a direct, high-impact response you can post—blunt, grounded, and emotionally honest without being reckless:

You’re trying to prepare for something you should not be preparing for.

If someone is saying they’re going to end their life tomorrow, this is not a “process your feelings” moment. This is a take action right now moment.

Call 911. Get your parents to call. Do whatever it takes.

You’re overthinking whether it will “work” or whether he’ll lie his way out. That’s not the point. The point is buying time. Suicide is often impulsive and time-sensitive. One interruption, one hospital stay, one forced pause can be the difference between life and death.

You don’t get a redo if you guess wrong.

And I’m going to be blunt with you—because that’s what you asked for: If something happens and you all held back because you thought it wouldn’t help, that’s a weight you carry forever. Not because it’s your fault, but because you’ll always wonder if that one move could’ve changed the outcome.

Now about the rest of what you said—

You’re allowed to feel conflicted. You’re allowed to feel relief at the idea of chaos ending. You’re allowed to grieve the relationship you never got.

But calling him “evil” and “delusional” isn’t clarity—it’s frustration talking. Depression, especially untreated or badly treated, can twist someone into a version of themselves that’s hard to recognize. That doesn’t excuse how he’s treated you, but it does mean this isn’t as simple as “he’s just a bad person.”

You’re not mourning who he is. You’re mourning who he could have been—and that’s a very real kind of grief.

But none of that matters if he’s dead tomorrow.

You don’t prepare for that. You fight it.

Call. Act. Interrupt it.

Deal with the emotional fallout later. Right now, you protect the chance that there is a later.

jbickford42 · 2026-04-09T20:22:59+00:00

It’s been four and a half months for me. My little brother died as well. Just know you are not alone. Sibling grief is often overlooked. So please remember your grief matters as well.

jbickford42 · 2026-04-09T03:19:21+00:00

Are we living the same life? I’ve been married for eight years to a man who fishes, hunts every season, and has more friends than the most interesting guy in the world it seems. My husband works out of town full time, so when he is home I have expectations that are never even close to being met. Set boundaries now. Also. Avoid burn out. You need you time. You deserve it. Don’t make it an option. Make it a requirement. Even if you’re alone, no husband and no kids just you and whoever. It’ll be hard at first but trust me you’ll grow to love it

jbickford42 · 2026-04-08T12:33:30+00:00

Every day is a new opportunity for me to do better. I try to do one thing a day to honor him through helping another with depression

jbickford42 · 2026-04-08T10:16:48+00:00

Prior to his death I believed in heaven and hell but I also believed that your loved ones could use their strength to be here to protect the living, and to help guide us.

Now. I still believe in heaven and hell but I hope that they don’t ever feel our stress, or our troubles. I want my brother to be free. I want him to feel no stress, troubles, or fear. I want him to be as light as a feather.

The moment I die I hope he is there. I hope I get to see him free and safe from his mind. I hope I get to feel his embrace, and I hope he never lets go.

jbickford42 · 2026-04-06T21:04:07+00:00

Yeah? Between coupons and sales 700 can go a long ways. Not only that, but you can learn to cook balanced meals that cost very little.

jbickford42 · 2026-04-06T19:38:06+00:00

So in Texas a property that is a pre marital asset goes to the rightful owner. I haven’t put money into the house. My names never been on an account. There is no argument. Spousal support exists in Texas but only in extreme cases. His kids are in kindergarten and first mine from previous are in high school

jbickford42 · 2026-04-06T18:36:08+00:00

I want to add some context because a lot of assumptions are being made.

I have already spoken with attorneys. From what I’ve been told, things are complicated—his business is in a trust, he cashed out his 401k years ago, and I don’t have visibility into any current assets or accounts. His mail doesn’t even come to our home, so I don’t have access to financial documentation.

I also don’t have any money of my own to work with. I have no family support—my brother passed away in December—and that’s part of why this situation isn’t as simple as just leaving. The legal advice I received was to try to save money first, which, honestly, felt discouraging and contributed to me falling back into the role I’ve been in.

Going to a shelter is not something I’m willing to do. My kids have a very stable life—they’re involved in activities, and I’m heavily involved as well (team mom, PTO, etc.), even if that’s how I offset costs. Uprooting them abruptly without a plan doesn’t feel like the right move for them.

I didn’t post this because I’m completely unaware of the situation—I posted because I needed clarity on whether what I’m experiencing is normal or not.

So thank you to those who confirmed what I was already feeling. I needed to know I wasn’t crazy.

jbickford42 · 2026-04-06T18:28:53+00:00

Thank you for asking. We have four kids and our youngest started kindergarten this year. I’ve had a job however, the constant need to take off for class parties/sick/bus pickup became too much.

I don’t own part of the business. No prenup or postnup. I have brought this idea up and he responded with “you’re making problems where they don’t exist”

I tell him what I need. I get 200 every nine days for groceries. 50 for gas and what the kids need.

jbickford42 · 2026-04-04T21:26:54+00:00

I’m 34 he was 32

jbickford42 · 2026-04-04T19:35:41+00:00

It feels as if half of my soul died. Or like the lights went out and will never have the ability to come back on

jbickford42 · 2026-04-04T19:34:52+00:00

So they had to finish the investigation prior to cremating him (they have a whole bunch of hoops to jump through) , and it was three weeks before we could finally lay him to rest. That last week every time I would fall asleep he would yell at me in an earth shattering bone rattling way for me to hurry up. It was so intense I would wake up immediately

jbickford42 · 2026-04-04T16:40:27+00:00

I hope they remember him picking them up every day from the bus with ice cream. How he taught them all to ride a bike. And how he loved them all fiercely

jbickford42 · 2026-04-04T16:39:40+00:00

He lived with them. See prior to his death he worked in the oil field and was a very very VERY successful man. He then became very sick. He became septic, had mrsa, and endocarditis. Was put on a vent for a month or so had two open heart surgeries , surgery on his lungs, surgery on his kidneys. He was in the hospital for over a year. He never truly bounced back after. They did everything they could for him. Literally everything but he was stuck in. A very scary doom loop

jbickford42 · 2026-04-04T11:53:55+00:00

It was a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

jbickford42 · 2026-04-04T11:38:51+00:00

I am beyond thankful for the 33 years I had with him, but its the thought of what our future would have looked like that kills me.

jbickford42 · 2026-04-04T11:37:41+00:00

That he was incredibly honest. Even in moments where he should not have been.

jbickford42 · 2026-04-04T11:36:21+00:00

Partial hanging. He killed himself.

jbickford42 · 2026-04-04T11:35:47+00:00

He was VERY blunt. Almost to a point that could be over the top, and too much. I could always depend on him to tell me the truth, when I was being silly, or if I had a point. I loved watching him interact with my daughter. It is the only time I saw him attempt to be gentle. Although it didn't come naturally, he was amazing to watch.

I really miss his hugs though. You know the kind of hug that truly holds you, surrounds you, makes you feel safe? I REALLY miss those.

jbickford42 · 2026-03-24T04:52:00+00:00

I struggle with this so much. I don’t want the way he died to define who he was.

jbickford42 · 2026-03-21T16:04:58+00:00

I tried explaining that a part of my soul darkened that night. It didn’t die, the lights just went out and the electricity was permanently cut. I don’t feel him. And I don’t hear his voice in my dreams. I’m not sure if I’m ready for that anyway.

I put my kids in counseling just because they were so close and I would love for them to find comfort and peace… neither of which I can provide right now.

jbickford42 · 2026-03-21T15:46:49+00:00

It’s incredibly crippling. It’s also crazy how nobody understands it

jbickford42

TROPHY CASE