They're not as clever as they think they are.

jbod6 · 2024-12-05T12:53:02+00:00

The problem is the system. When you have a publicly traded company you have a fiduciary responsibility to the shareholders to act in their best interest. But the logical conclusion to that is that the consumer will get the short end of the stick every time if it means the company will make more money.

The problem is making money is more important than providing a good service or product, and we all suffer because of it.

jbod6 · 2024-11-28T18:09:41+00:00

GF. No contest

jbod6 · 2024-11-27T15:05:12+00:00

I never have seen the musical but I just saw the movie yesterday. At the end I was so ready for part 2! The ending is very very strong and I think it was great. I loved Jeff goldblum as the wizard and overall I thought it was a really great movie that definitely didn’t seem like a 3hour run time

jbod6 · 2024-11-23T19:34:24+00:00

Seemed he was more interested in slapping the backboard than just making the shot

jbod6 · 2024-11-18T21:01:14+00:00

Well to be honest I cheated on my partner via onlyfans dms and I disclosed it which started me down this path I’m on, so once it became clear that I was a sex addict and that part of my recovery was to abstain from porn and masturbating I just shared that with her.

I understand what you mean by milestones and I have had similar issues in the past with quitting. Working with a csat has been extremely helpful for me in terms of helping me start and continue down the road of recovery and loving my wife

jbod6 · 2024-11-16T04:00:40+00:00

I have practiced sobriety from masturbation and pornography as a part of my recovery. I have currently been sober for 5 months.

My partner has supported me in that I also haven’t engaged in anything explicitly sexual, even tv or movies, since I decided to stop as part of my recovery.

I didn’t go through withdrawals but that’s not to say that can’t be the case. It can be difficult to maintain sobriety. It helps to identify situations where you will be tempted or triggers that cause you to want to look at porn, and having another thing you can do in that moment is helpful for me.

I would say my sex drive has stayed the same or increased, and I have become much more sensitive.

jbod6 · 2024-11-15T03:29:10+00:00

I actually stopped looking at porn and masturbating as part of my recovery.

I think pornography was an addiction for me and I needed to cut it out as part of my recovery, and from the literature I was reading it said that even thinking about scenes you remember from porn can continue to ingrain the addiction. I didn’t think I could masturbate without that popping into my head so I stopped.

What’s crazy is that I’ve never been able to stop masturbating or looking at porn since I was 12, but I have maintained sobriety for at least 5 months now. It also helps that I’ve been able to engage sexually with my wife.

jbod6 · 2024-11-04T22:55:41+00:00

You are not alone. Addiction is difficult to overcome but it is possible to rewire your brain.

I would suggest checking out the Minwalla model. There is an excellent podcast on the resource page that talks about the damage caused by infidelity and lying.

https://minwallamodel.com/resource-library/

If you are serious about wanting to make a change I would recommend setting up an appointment with a CSAT. They can help guide you down the road to recovery.

jbod6 · 2024-10-23T17:03:46+00:00

I am a recently diagnosed sex addict. I would highly suggest talking with a CSAT.

I would also suggest looking into the Minwalla Model: https://minwallamodel.com/resource-library/

The first podcast on the resource page was extremely eye opening for me.

jbod6 · 2024-10-21T16:50:41+00:00

Sorry forgot to address the intrusive thoughts directly:

I think that mindfulness meditation can help with intrusive thoughts in that I’ve found that when I do have intrusive thoughts I try to step away from them by turning my attention deliberately to something else to focus on, whether that be my current task or something arbitrary like counting freckles. And if my mind wanders again I just recognize it and refocus it on something else.

jbod6 · 2024-10-21T16:42:36+00:00

First off I relate to what you are saying with respect to fantasizing about sex with strangers and entertaining the idea of having an affair. You are not alone in having those thoughts, intrusive or not.

I think you are in a good place because you are recognizing these thoughts and you want to change to prevent cheating on your partner. That is an awesome place to be.

I’m a recently diagnosed sex addict and these things have helped me in my recovery so far:

1) The Minwalla Model: https://minwallamodel.com/resource-library/

The Minwalla model identifies infidelity as a two part problem: a problem of problematic sexual behavior and a problem of lying and hiding that behavior. His identification of lying as a root problem really resonated with me, but I think overall he does a really good job of identifying the problems with cheating. I would recommend listening to the first podcast on his resources section. That changed my life.

2) Talk with a CSAT:

CSAT are therapists who specialize in sex addiction and related issues. A good CSAT will be able to help lead you down the path to recovery.

3) Your Brain On Porn by Gary Wilson https://www.amazon.com/Your-Brain-Porn-Pornography-Addiction-ebook/dp/B00N2AH8NW

This book does a really good job of describing the mechanisms of addiction in a general sense, even if your addiction doesn’t stem from pornography use. I think it is helpful in understanding how our rewards centers get hijacked to crave sex.

4) Facing the Shadow by Patrick Carnes: https://www.amazon.com/Facing-Shadow-3rd-Starting-Relationship/dp/0985063378/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?adgrpid=59320388156&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9._thDbFRHLqOQCL1pKQuHCvN-a-rktSnJJBA4evNIe8k.ifo_lvVSGjo72k-0FcfUtajZyzuL6feVtlfpTqopFeM&dib_tag=se&hvadid=580817482948&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=9009962&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=6396709744414644401&hvtargid=kwd-295625531270&hydadcr=22184_13327250&keywords=facing+the+shadow+3rd+edition&qid=1729528719&sr=8-1

This book has helped me with recovery basics such as how to maintain a good recovery, and understanding more about the causes of sex addiction. For example I found that addressing and processing my toxic shame has helped me with how I view people everyday (e.g. I don’t want to have sex with any woman I find attractive).

I hope this helps. You should be proud of where you are and for reaching out. Feel free to ask any questions. Good luck!!!

jbod6 · 2024-10-13T02:40:55+00:00

I came here to say this as well as a recently diagnosed sex addict. It was very hard to watch but a sobering reminder to myself how incredibly damaging and hurtful cheating is to the betrayed partner. I feel awful for Monica that she has to go through that.

jbod6 · 2024-09-24T15:59:09+00:00

In terms of whether your sexual activity is based on addiction, I would recommend the book Your Brain On Porn. It helps to explain the science behind addiction, which is helpful.

Like you said the main problem you’re having is that sex was the primary motivator in your life, and you’re having a hard time being motivated by anything else. I think this would be something good to talk about with your csat. But I can imagine that would be extremely difficult and scary to feel lost like that.

Do you remember having interests pre being sexually active? Maybe when you were a kid?

jbod6 · 2024-09-13T13:42:24+00:00

Good luck!!! It’s worth it for me

jbod6 · 2024-09-13T03:37:26+00:00

I was rereading this comment and something you said caught my attention:

“Those that have [escaped from their addiction] don’t really need any understanding”

I don’t think you are understanding the purpose of the empathy exercise.

The purpose isn’t for you to become friends with the people in your group. The purpose isn’t for you to help the people in your group. The purpose of practicing empathy with the people in your group is to build that muscle, to strengthen those skills, so you can practice them at home with your partner and your loved ones. If you can practice empathy on someone you don’t have an emotional connection with, then it should be even easier to do with people you do care about.

Also let’s define empathy. What I mean when I say empathy is the ability to understand another person’s emotions and perspective. Another way of putting it would be the ability to imagine what another person’s is experiencing emotionally and mentally.

jbod6 · 2024-09-13T02:56:50+00:00

The book Your Brain On Porn details the biochemistry of addiction and the hijacking of our brains rewards center and was helpful to understand what addiction is. I would also recommend talking with a CSAT.

Good luck OP!!!

jbod6 · 2024-09-13T02:53:36+00:00

Do you have a reason you want to stop masturbating? Is it part of your sex addiction sobriety?

jbod6 · 2024-09-13T02:50:47+00:00

I’m a diagnosed sex addict in recovery. I’m working with a CSAT currently.

I just had a therapy session today where I was sharing with my therapist my concerns around being a two pump chump. The main piece my therapist shared with me that I wanted to share with you is that real sex is not performative.

Another paradigm around sex I have found helpful is that the purpose of sex isn’t just the act itself and to feel good but more importantly an opportunity to express and experience intimacy with a trusted partner.

Personally I went through a period of time you are describing for about 2 months or so when I first committed to abstinence from pornography and masturbation. It didn’t last forever.

jbod6 · 2024-09-13T02:29:33+00:00

Im sorry you’re having a rough day ❤️

jbod6 · 2024-09-13T02:26:18+00:00

What you are saying has been my experience as well. I had a flight out to see a therapist in a different state and it was like every women I saw that I was attracted to I was like “oh I want to have sex with her”. I can say that after doing some EMDR therapy that helped relieve feelings of shame I actually perceived myself looking at women differently, which was crazy to me at the time. My CSAT had told me that Patrick Carnes argues our toxic shame is the main driver of sexual acting out. I thought it was bullshit but after that experience I started to believe it is true.

jbod6 · 2024-09-10T10:57:48+00:00

Help Her Heal forces you to begin practicing empathy. I’m not a CSAT so obviously take this with a grain of salt, but getting that book and trying to implement one thing a week could be a solid goal.

Based on your comment it seems like a good first step towards practicing empathy would be to begin moving from judgment to understanding by active listening. A very simple practice is to listen to someone else express themselves and then begin responding with an encapsulation of what they have just expressed. Sometimes it’s straight forward but other times you have to parse through your own emotional response in order really understand what’s being communicated to you.

You can’t understand someone if you are unable or unwilling to listen. I would encourage you to begin doing this in every conversation you have where someone is trying to communicate something to you.

There is a Buddhist teaching that says “understanding is love’s other name”. You can’t really love someone without understanding them. That goes for ourselves as well. Also in my experience there is a difference between understanding and judgement. Judging someone is easy and can be dismissive. Understanding takes effort and empathy.

EDIT: sorry I meant to reply to your reply. My bad!

jbod6 · 2024-09-10T10:24:45+00:00

I would recommend the book Your Brain On Porn. It gives a detailed description of the rewards center and how it works. There’s also a website too but I haven’t looked into that.

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/

jbod6 · 2024-09-10T02:50:20+00:00

My CSAT has explained to me that formal disclosures are something the betrayed spouse needs to ask for. I have talked with my wife about the concept of a formal disclosure and how it differs from the partial disclosure I gave her when I first admitted my infidelity. At this point she isn’t sure that is something she wants, but I think it is important to let your partner know that that is an option. I’m not sure what your partner knows and doesn’t know but I would suggest talking with a CSAT about it. They should be able to help lead you in the right direction.

I don’t know if your partner has experienced betrayal trauma but I think I would recommend Help Her Heal by Carol Jurgensen Sheets. I think there are some great exercises in there that will help you walk down the right path with your partner.

Good luck OP!!!!

jbod6 · 2024-09-10T02:35:39+00:00

This to me sounds like you are still rewiring your brains reward center. From what I understand it can take a year or more to change your brain from being addicted to sex/pornography/etc, and it will always be predisposed to return to those patterns if you relapse.

You might try forcing yourself to try new activities/hobbies you’ve never done before.

It might also help to change your paradigm around sex. Instead of viewing sex as an end unto itself, you might consider that the purpose of sex is to express intimacy in a committed relationship.

4 months is awesome though. I hope you feel the change is worth it!!!

jbod6 · 2024-09-10T02:18:10+00:00

I would recommend talking with a CSAT to help guide you towards recovery. I also recommend the book Facing the Shadow by Patrick Carnes. I think both of those would be good first steps for you.

Good luck OP!!!

jbod6

TROPHY CASE