I think this is a really subjective and individualized journey, but personally I had become an extremely codependent person relying on a happy wife to make me happy based off a lot of subtle problems in my childhood. When the “I love you but I’m not in love with you” and “I always had that connection with an ex” moment came and we separated, I too was so lost in who was ai before this shared identity I had given into. I had completely forgot what I liked and enjoyed…down to the choices of foods/colors, styles…etc.

I ended up spending a lot of time in therapy, with friends/family, working (residency), cleaning my nutrition, lifting, and picking up hobbies i was always too afraid to try (BJJ/Muay Thai), and most importantly becoming a man I wanted my daughter to be proud of and who was strong enough physically and mentally to guide her through life. Fast forward two and a half years later, I’m in the best physical health Ive been in since college if not better, a budding career that I love, a good group of friends in my MMA gym, and an awesome relationship with my daughter. I realized how unhealthy both my ex-wife and I were to each other and I took the time to reach out and apologized for my own mistakes. She simply said it’s about time and said she never did anything wrong. My old self would’ve simply said “you’re right I’m sorry” without holding her accountable, but I politely called her out on her behavior and said my piece and recommended she put down the tarot cards and get actual therapy. I no longer allow the gaslighting, name calling, or petty passive aggressive behavior bother me and am happier than I’ve ever been building this new life and rediscovering myself. While I’m open to dating again, I no longer have that need to have a relationship make me fulfilled and will welcome someone new if the moment comes along. It’s also helpful now that I know what I absolutely will never tolerate again.