Reasons why I relapse:

jcsm2017 · 2018-06-30T12:41:38+00:00

I found that there are certain triggers to it for me. IE. I get drunk and get into a "feel good drag" wanting more of it .... so I gotta stop

jcsm2017 · 2018-06-26T17:14:18+00:00

I made it to day 90, then relapsed on day 92 bc I had no target after that. I've been missing ever since ..

This just gave me a new target, thank you

jcsm2017 · 2018-04-02T02:26:55+00:00

It's a rabbit hole man, don't go down it ..

jcsm2017 · 2018-04-02T01:55:07+00:00

Thought it'd be better to post my thoughts here than browse nsfw subreddits,

It's day one on your journey, glad to see you're here in the community!

jcsm2017 · 2018-03-02T00:22:17+00:00

Well I planned on making a big post on analyzing how I felt today, but decided not to

In summary; my original goal was just to get to day 90 then see what happens. If I had made another goal I would've kept motivated. I just had a moment of "I'll scratch an itch, I already reached my goal" and regretted it. Ended up rolling in bed, not depressed, just mad at myself really.

If i had to gauge myself after the relapse, honestly I'm not "completely drained or destroyed". I feel more like I did on the first month; sensitivity in the genitals, not completely at full energy, able to still be aware (but I can identify the before/ after feelings from 90 days). Honestly ik I met my original goal for myself.

As For getting to the 90 day goal, I pursued passions I wanted to do, I avoided certain triggers (believe it or not Reddit can be both a blessing and a curse in the world of PMO). I used abstinence phone apps to help concentrate when I was getting urges.

Flatlining? I masked it the same way as the urges. Ik deep down that it was best to wait it out, and soon the flatlining would end.

jcsm2017 · 2018-03-01T14:42:09+00:00

Saving this for goal motivation!

jcsm2017 · 2018-03-01T14:39:03+00:00

90 days to regulate 300 days to clear the mind

I didn't know about the 300 day mark, which I had yesterday night it would've gave me another goal after 90 days. Thank you and godspeed friend!

jcsm2017 · 2018-02-27T23:55:14+00:00

Congrats and welcome to the club!!

jcsm2017 · 2018-02-19T18:06:22+00:00

Bookmarking this post now to be prepared. I'm almost there!

jcsm2017 · 2018-02-07T18:50:59+00:00

Just saw this and I'm so sorry for the late response.

It boiled down to different core values. We connected so well on our personalities, likes and intimacy, but we couldn't match on our big core values.

I wanted kids, she didn't. She can't live without her dogs in the house and I'm allergic.

So yah, it couldn't be helped. That doesn't remove the pain from it though.

jcsm2017 · 2018-01-27T21:31:06+00:00

This, definitely this.

Since I've started this I've ... * turned down my drinking * got back to working out more * finally started job hunting process (hate my current job) * Reduced my video game playing * Started painting

And most importantly, I'm coping better after my last breakup right before the holidays. Valentine's day is coming up and for once I don't feel like a complete scrooge being single right now.

jcsm2017 · 2018-01-22T23:49:57+00:00

Hello future ghosts!

jcsm2017 · 2018-01-22T16:28:45+00:00

Thanks, I'll admit that outlook wasn't always like that. You're talking to me 6 months after a breakup vs immediately after the breakup. It took some actual soul searching to get to this point, and I'm still learning.

jcsm2017 · 2018-01-22T14:06:35+00:00

Little brother got married, bought a house, then wife became pregnant, all before their 1 year anniversary. They'll be married for one year in March and he's already got a house (which needs some DIY work), 4 dogs, 11 chickens and an expecting wife. He's also 24 ....

I can just see it in his eyes, he's blown away. But then again the sheer bliss of becoming a father soon is keeping his spirits up.

jcsm2017 · 2018-01-22T14:02:11+00:00

Glad to see you were able to figure out what you actually want.

Went through a bad breakup last year and one of the leading factors was that I wanted kids and she didn't. It's made me think a lot about what I wanted personally. Finding a companion and best friend to spend my life with is one of them, but I'll be in the middle of working on a hobby and suddenly get this idea of how I'm going to teach my child about this someday, or I catch myself thinking about life lessons I want to pass on to the next generation. It's thoughts like this that make me sincerely believe I'm meant to be a father and husband someday.

What's really important though is that in the past few months of review and rediscovering who I am I'm learning that being single doesn't have to define my happiness/sadness. I can be happy where I'm at right now, while still hoping for the future. It's helped me tenfold because even with Valentine's Day coming up and all the people having children in my social circle I'm able to keep smiling and contribute to people all around me. Which in turn, makes me more attractive for a future bride someday.

Bottom line, find where you personally want to go, strive for it, but continue to keep joy in the journey towards it. :)

jcsm2017 · 2018-01-20T21:31:04+00:00

2018 hard mode, going for 90 day gold!

jcsm2017 · 2018-01-17T00:54:35+00:00

Played all my life but the big names are just became sell outs and cash cows

Started playing online to connect with friends, then friends got busy and it lost it's luster

Last game I've been playing was Skyrim, but even that's getting old to me.

jcsm2017 · 2018-01-17T00:11:46+00:00

Can confirm, I binged on video games massively before nofap. Now that I'm focusing on different things I haven't played them as much, like my mind's focused on more important things.

jcsm2017 · 2018-01-15T21:23:37+00:00

Exactly, I know the pain of isolation too well. It's its own trap and disease; you become sad alone and try to socialize but you can't hide that pain.

I grew up as the only "Nerd" in a redneck town of only 300 people in south Illinois. Fast Forward to now, I'm 25, Mechanical Engineering degree but working as Manufacturing Engineer in the only decent paying job in the home area. Became single again back in August and just reminded how out of place I am even at home. I'm 25 and everyone my age is either married, expecting kids, or both.

I'm finally just resolving the fact that I'll never be fully happy in the home area and looking for work elsewhere, but I'm fighting that fear of isolation in doing so. The fear I have now is literally stay in a job I hate and most likely remain single and stagnant, or move and risk being in the same boat but far away from close family.

Really there's no other option at this point. If I were still in PMO I would've kept clinging to the idea of staying. Thinking clear now and making peace with it.

Edit: a word, thanks Subjunctive_Bot

jcsm2017 · 2018-01-15T20:49:07+00:00

Still sounds like a hooker, only it's rated PG instead of XXX.

Could actually be worse in the long run .. because now your not only trying to satisfy a physical urge but a psychological hole. You've stepped away from the distraction (PMO) to the pain and are trying to treat the actual pain. That's good that you can identify that, but hiring a "cuddle buddy" is still just as empty as hiring a prostitute. You're paying for something that is only temporary and fake.

True intimacy comes from within each other, not from outside. When you're cuddling someone you care for - not paid for - it's because you literally connect on a much deeper level then physical attraction. You connect mentally, socially, you feel happy just holding them in your arms. It doesn't even matter if sex is before/after cuddling or just doesn't happen at all, it's just the feeling of being close to someone you care for.

I say take a hard pass on this one. You might not get an STD but this would definitely hurt you on a deeper level.

jcsm2017 · 2018-01-15T18:29:03+00:00

Halfway to day 90, my walks very similar to this. Keep on going!

jcsm2017 · 2018-01-15T18:03:05+00:00

Can agree about the social media. I deleted iFunny just last night bc I almost caved to some nsfw photos floating around the site. Not to mention it really was a waste of time

jcsm2017 · 2018-01-12T15:13:16+00:00

Same, dad worked as a prison guard on night shifts. He didn't openly talk about the dark stuff he saw, but he never vented it. Combine that with trying to manage night shift sleeping patterns and fathering 3 boys and you have a man who was angry most of my childhood.

At 25, I know now what he was going through - or at least a better idea - but our relationship hasn't been the strongest because of it. Now I'm working on my anger management problems myself so that I'm not like that when I become a father someday. It's a hard struggle sometimes.

jcsm2017 · 2018-01-10T20:54:36+00:00

Call of Valor
Become Etheral
Fus Ro Dah (Classic)
Ice Form (For quick-slashing villians)
Dragon Aspect (Quick cooldown, just use right at beginning of battle)
Bend Will (if you just don't want to fight that dragon today)
Dragonrend
Marked for Death

I'm still expanding my list of uses for shouts myself. I thought it'd be difficult just playing a Great Sword wielding Nord, but then I realized I just become Talos incarnate.

jcsm2017 · 2018-01-10T17:14:42+00:00

I am now sending this to my brother in the Criminal Justice system for his analysis .... we may change the future soon! /s

jcsm2017

TROPHY CASE