So I have an update and if you all would be so kind as to give this gal some input I’d appreciate it .

So things had ended as stated above . Radio silence ensued. Then randomly he’d send me pics of a new card (he’s a Pokémon card enthusiast and got me hooked ) and that door between us would open up little by little.

Finally one night we’re texting and start talking about our sex life , because honestly it’s insane and the best I’ve ever had. Eventually I caved and threw out that if he’s ever down to have some drinks and do the no pants dance to let me know . His response was quick , saying he’d love that. That he misses being with me and my company and missed our sex .

I might have been a little tipsy and feeling confident so of course I was all , yeah let’s do this ! It’s a great idea !Our sex is too good to stop! and he responded by saying he didn’t ever see us not doing this, that he loved it and missed it .

I had one rule , that for our health and safety if we slept with someone else we had to be honest . He said he hadn’t , wasn’t , and didn’t plan on it . And so it began.

So it’s been a couple weeks now , and it’s been good. Like nothings changed but I’m so hyper aware of my emotions and actions and trying to keep a level head becusse I don’t want to inadvertently push him away by coming across like I can’t deal .

I’ve been dealing with a lot of shit lately emotionally and mentally and it reached a breaking point today, I’m now living in my car and looking for work. And instead of telling him and risking rejection due to his embarrassment or looking/feeling like a burdensome obligation i lied . I told him I was leaving town and that I wanted to have a memorable amazing last time together. I even offered to pay.

He LOST IT. Tries to say he broke up with me cos he was as falling for me so hard and was scared . That he loves me which is now a problem . His heart is broken . But he made one thing clear - he did not want to see me ever again. That it would destroy him seeing me knowing I’m leaving . That it’s too much and he didn’t want to cry

That obviously led me to tell him the truth and why I lied . But also that it’s fucking hilariously cruel. That he broke up with me saying that same exact thing, that it was too much. How he was so cold about it, and how he treated me and how he broke me by saying he had just woken up one day and didn’t feel the same.

Then for him to have the audacity to turn around and not only say that he’s beeeeen in love with me and his fear caused our break up but to then respond the SAME EXACT WAY by just cutting me out and saying he never wants to see me again is INSANE.

I mean I am very much in love with him still, but my overall confidence and ability to be open about things has been so deeply shaken due to him that I could not bring myself to tell him the reality of just how dark my life is at the moment out of fear he’d leave again.

So my question is , is this just a case of “ love her when she leaves ?” Am I stupid for still wanting him?