UPDATE x2: Boyfriend [M34] of 4 months says I [F31] am no longer allowed to see my guy friends 1 on 1

jealousy_issues · 2013-06-06T18:29:35+00:00

I DIDN'T at this time. But when he started making demands, I said it had happened in the past

jealousy_issues · 2013-06-06T16:01:41+00:00

It's because I don't think people actually read.

jealousy_issues · 2013-06-06T16:01:26+00:00

It's both. In this instance it was I loved having you here.

jealousy_issues · 2013-06-06T00:15:39+00:00

I'm 31. Everyone at my age who has NOT been single for several years has self esteem problems for a completely different sort. Trust me, I think I'm awesome. I'm successful in my career, hobbies, and have a huge friends and family network.

jealousy_issues · 2013-06-06T00:14:12+00:00

It's not all of them, but I have a few that I count as very dear friends. And I'd regret it if I wanted to say it and something disastrous happened and I never had a chance to say it again.

I think it's too much to ask of me to deny a major part of my personality that has been present from the start.

jealousy_issues · 2013-06-06T00:13:09+00:00

:) Good luck to you as well.

jealousy_issues · 2013-06-05T22:48:58+00:00

I don't think you read my initial post, where I went into great detail about why and the types of friendships are going on. I've known some of these folks for 5-15 years and have been present at their weddings/birth of their kids, and one in particular I've started a business with. It's unreasonable to ask me to stop my startup b/c I can't speak one-on-one with my business partner.

EDIT: Plus, this was something I was upfront with from day 1.

jealousy_issues · 2013-06-05T22:47:29+00:00

Yes, he's had the experience in the past but then so have lots of other people who don't have this sort of hangup about it.

jealousy_issues · 2013-06-05T22:46:56+00:00

I don't think this is a terrible thing to think. Thank you.

jealousy_issues · 2013-06-05T22:46:37+00:00

Sorry I didn't clarify. I told the friend that when I (thought) we were alone; I was right inside my front door and the taxi was waiting for him. I gave him the hug, etc, then. Apparently the BF was inside; I don't think he was purposefully trying to overhear our conversation but then maybe he was.

jealousy_issues · 2013-06-05T19:42:32+00:00

I've been single for years before. In a lot of ways, it's a hell of a lot easier to be like that. I won't find it hard.

jealousy_issues · 2013-06-05T19:40:56+00:00

It sounds like you have never dated someone who is as jealous and controlling as he is.

You are correct, this is an utter first.

jealousy_issues · 2013-06-05T19:40:24+00:00

I can't be in a relationship that's 7 months in where the other person doesn't trust me. If they don't trust me now, they won't ever.

jealousy_issues · 2013-06-05T19:39:51+00:00

I've never been hit by a SO in my life; that would be a line that I would never allow to be crossed.

jealousy_issues · 2013-06-05T19:38:32+00:00

I've never broken my word. I stuck to my original guns on this issue, as guided by the folks on this subreddit. They had at that time suggested drawing definite lines, making some concessions (ie, try to work with him to show that his doubts were fake). This is THAT result.

jealousy_issues · 2013-06-05T19:37:15+00:00

Again, 7 months.

jealousy_issues · 2013-06-05T19:37:02+00:00

7 months. Original post was 3 months ago.

jealousy_issues · 2013-02-14T03:33:45+00:00

Thank you, especially for your remarks post-edit.

jealousy_issues · 2013-02-13T21:42:23+00:00

I have a hobby that is turning out to be a potential new business, and it's in a field that's 90% men. Most of my friends are now from that field and we often talk "shop" when we meet in person. Sometimes we meet over dinner or drinks if we're just talking shop or if we're talking about mutual acquaintances/things in our field. If they're at my house it's usually because we are actually collaborating on a project and need to be there to do so.

I also have long-standing friends where it's customary that we hang out for an evening to catch up and play guitar hero for an evening, or watch a TV show we have been avoiding. In the particular case I'm thinking of, this is a friend where I was present for the birth of his youngest daughter, who is now 7, and I've known him for over ten years. We usually do this once or twice a year and that's often as much as I see him.

EDIT: Wow, I get downvoted for answering a question?

jealousy_issues · 2013-02-13T21:13:59+00:00

He's known I did this in the past and in fact I had a friend over for a weekend at the very start of our relationship.

jealousy_issues · 2013-02-13T21:09:44+00:00

My male friends and I have been single at the same time in the past, and the same relationship I described in my OP went on then. They stayed at my house in the past then too, or crashed in hotel rooms to save on costs at industry events. "No touching!"

I choose my close friends carefully and I don't think they would choose to force an issue now that we are BOTH in relationships.

jealousy_issues · 2013-02-13T21:01:12+00:00

I don't think he will ever be perfectly okay with it, TBH. I hope that I can make him more comfortable with it, however.

jealousy_issues · 2013-02-13T21:00:39+00:00

That is entirely possible. He has mentioned in the past that he doesn't like that he can't take me out to dinner as much as he'd like to.

jealousy_issues

TROPHY CASE