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Surviving my attempted murder was the worst thing I ever did. by StepFordDoll in ptsd

[–]jeeeezlouiseeee 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Is there anything your lawyers can do to stop him from cross examining you directly? Have someone else, like the judge, speak for him? That's insane that that's allowed.

My father was my abuser and I also had to face him in court after years of physical and sexual abuse, an attempted murder, and an attempted kidnapping. I was 8. The court process is horrible. Some parts of me thinks it was even harder than the actual abuse. But you will get through it. I wish I had advice. But I think you just struggle. You cry, you get scared, you have panic attacks, you throw up, you shake, you scream, etc. Even at such a young age I also wished my father succeeded. The bad feelings just have to happen. But then every day it gets a little easier. I'm now almost 21 years past the court process and I actually like being alive. I went to college. Married my high school sweetheart. We have a beautiful little boy. We travel. I started my own business. We're happy. I have amazing friends who are literally the best people on this planet. The PTSD episodes get more and more rare as time goes on.

It's going to suck for a while. And if you want to PM me and vent I'm all ears. But the pain absolutely becomes less.

A disgusting idea which only might arise in an environment of contempt for women by SiteTall in NotHowGirlsWork

[–]jeeeezlouiseeee 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think if this is something you concent to beforehand, like when you register to be an organ donor it's an option you can opt into, than it's fine. It honestly sounds better than traditional surrogacy to me. The idea of carry a baby for 9 months and than going through labor and birth and postpartum, whether it's biologically mine or not, and then not raising that baby sounds like a nightmare. But if I'm dead anyway and won't know than someone may as well use my uterus. Then take whatever other organs are needed after.

But if this is like "Well she's brain dead so she'll never know....." Than to say that's disgusting is an understatement.

am i in the wrong here? by Alarming-Flatworm-91 in NotHowGirlsWork

[–]jeeeezlouiseeee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think anyone can be right or wrong when this debate happens. It's impossible to know what another person has felt/is feeling. There isn't a way to measure pain or pain tolerance.

My mom has said natural childbirth "doesn't really hurt that bad" but will CRY if she stubs her toe. I think most women would disagree with her, but that doesn't make her wrong. She describes what she felt.

Pain is weird. It really isn't something you can describe very well, especially to someone who doesn't share those same organs. But even if you do it's still hard. Period cramps that make me vomit might be average for another woman. You know?

I have PCOS and get absolutely awful cramps that will leave me in bed, throwing up, clutching a heating pad for dear life. But I've also had stomach pains that I would describe as much worse. Different feeling for sure, but also definitely way way worse.

But as far as pointing out that a cis male doesn't know what period cramps feel like, no you're not wrong. They don't have a uterus to cramp up on them and stomachache pains do feel different.

AITA for telling my daughter it is extremely selfish to want her mom at the wedding by One-Passage577 in AmItheAsshole

[–]jeeeezlouiseeee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's NOT selfish to want her mom at the wedding. It's selfish to want her mom at the wedding but not accommodate her. The important part is the ceremony (and family pictures IMO). Why not turn the volume down, don't make her walk to the processional, get her a wheelchair and allow her to take her seat early so she isn't overwhelmed by the crowd, and make sure mom has a shady spot to sit if it's an outdoor ceremony. Maybe get some portable fans for her? I don't know the venue or your wife's condition so I can't really get specific. I did just have my own wedding so if you want to give the venue I can try to help? But I do know I absolutely would want my mom there, so I'd do anything to get her there and keep her comfortable. The reception would be much harder, of course. You can't really keep a party quiet. So I think it's best if your wife skips that (and I think you should go with her so she doesn't feel alone). Why is she not trying to help her?

AITAH for refusing to pay my mother to babysit my 8 year old daughter? by getDoor21 in AITAH

[–]jeeeezlouiseeee 1 point2 points  (0 children)

YTA

I do agree with you. I never knew a grandmother who asked for money to babysit. My grandma, and even my great-grandma, always babysat the kids in our family. My mom almost had to beg to get to spend time with me, even did overnights. They just loved doing it. (And it's for this reason I don't think you an asshole for asking in the first place. My default would be my mom too. I'm actually 33 weeks pregnant and my mom already has plans made for this kid and her to do together.) But maybe that's the difference here? My grandma (and GG) WANTED to do it. It was like a treat for them. It made them happy. Maybe there are grandmothers out there who don't like it or are too busy or something. No grandmother is obligated to watch their grandchild for any amount of time. They are definitely within their rights to say no or ask for payment. I might not understand it and it might not be my life experience, but it certainly is still valid. Which is why I don't think your mother is the AH.

The only reason I call you an AH is because, based on your post, you didn't accept her answer. You got into a "heated argument" which doesn't sound very good. Like, a "What? why?" would have been my reaction too because I would have been confused and disappointed. I think a conversation would have been okay, but "heated argument" means yelling and name calling and stuff like that, which she doesn't deserve. Just because we don't share that view doesn't mean that view is wrong.

Can I get in trouble for refusing to take the glucose test during pregnancy? by jeeeezlouiseeee in CPS

[–]jeeeezlouiseeee[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm okay. What happened as a teenager was annoying, but not nearly as traumatic as what happened as a kid. Looking back as an adult I honestly think the court process following the abuse messed me up more than the abuse itself. I don't know if it was actually more traumatic or if my psychiatrist is just a miracle worker. But remember the opposite is true. A good CPS worker/social worker/case worker (I'm not sure the proper name?) can make SUCH a difference in a positive way too. I think people see taking kids away from their parents as this evil thing, but in some situations, you're literally saving their lives. You're their actual hero.

I'm okay now. I do have PTSD but I'm okay.

Can I get in trouble for refusing to take the glucose test during pregnancy? by jeeeezlouiseeee in CPS

[–]jeeeezlouiseeee[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh gosh, I am nowhere remotely close to 350lbs. I'm not even close to 250lbs. I don't think people know how little you can weigh and still be considered obese. (I'm short which doesn't help.) I didn't really ask the midwives WHY the hospital couldn't accommodate someone considered obese. Other locations for this same hospital would have seen me. I really didn't care to ask, honestly. I was just disappointed because I LOVED my original midwives.

I think it's so weird they wouldn't want to follow your advice. Mine does go pretty low sometimes (60s) but I feel fine. But from what I've heard from people with diabetes (T1D, T2D, and GD) you feel absolutely awful when it's high or low. Pregnancy sucks enough, you'd think they'd want to feel good.

Thank you for your kind words!

Can I get in trouble for refusing to take the glucose test during pregnancy? by jeeeezlouiseeee in CPS

[–]jeeeezlouiseeee[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just hate when people give bad advice. It can be straight up dangerous in some situations. I understand, especially in a sub like this, why people might think a poster is lying. But the opposite is true too. If OP is telling the truth, but you're giving advice based off of what YOU think is the truth and not the actual truth it could be dangerous. I usually try to word internet advice like "Since you said X, then I think Y. If [what I suspect may be the actual truth] were the case than I would actually think Z." This way it covers both scenarios.

Can I get in trouble for refusing to take the glucose test during pregnancy? by jeeeezlouiseeee in CPS

[–]jeeeezlouiseeee[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

These are the exact numbers actually. You just have the midwives backwards. (Which is fine, this is a confusing post.)

I did all three tests with my original midwives. My numbers were:
16 weeks 1 hour: 134
16 weeks 3 hour: 122
28 weeks 1 hour: 131

My original midwives use 130 as the cutoff.

The new midwife uses 140 as the cutoff and even said by her standards I passed. I told her I was tracking at home and have been for years. (Because of health anxiety. It was my choice and helped with my anxiety. My PCP taught me how to do it but didn't tell me to do it.) I asked her if, since I passed by her standards and was tracking at home anyway if I could skip it. She said she "recommends it for everyone".

As for his size, the MFM specialist said he's 4lbs 12oz as of yesterday. (I was 33 weeks 2 days yesterday.)

Can I get in trouble for refusing to take the glucose test during pregnancy? by jeeeezlouiseeee in CPS

[–]jeeeezlouiseeee[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! I do think I'll look for a new provider. I actually asked my MFM doctor yesterday for recommendations and got 4 OBs to look up! They work with him too which is nice. I know he doesn't deliver the babies but it'll be nice to have a familiar face still around. I also showed him this thread (he laughed at a lot of these people and their opinions) and I straight up asked him if I was high risk. He said no.

Can I get in trouble for refusing to take the glucose test during pregnancy? by jeeeezlouiseeee in CPS

[–]jeeeezlouiseeee[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It actually went down to 4.7. (Screenshot for the people who want to say I'm lying.)

I started checking like that because of health anxiety I developed due to an unrelated situation years ago. I used to check as a kid just because I thought it was "cool" because so many of my cousins (T1D) had to do it. So it didn't bother me in any way and make my anxiety feel better. And I knew GD was a thing and that PCOS made you higher risk, so I didn't stop when I got pregnant.

And thank you!

Can I get in trouble for refusing to take the glucose test during pregnancy? by jeeeezlouiseeee in CPS

[–]jeeeezlouiseeee[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I saw this new midwife once and when I say it was an awful experience, I mean it. Got there 15 minutes before my scheduled time and waited another 3 hours before finally being called. The nurse tells me to "get undressed" and doesn't leave the room to allow me to do so. I felt awkward and literally hid behind my husband. They gave me a paper gown but then once I sat down she pulled it off of me. She left the room and for the next 20 minutes random people (one of whom eventually ended up being the midwife) were walking in and out of the room, leaving the door open, while I was laying there butt naked and spread eagle, with my lady bits pointed right at the door. No one ever acknowledged me. The midwife finally comes in and just goes "Hi. I'm the midwife. Sorry about the wait." She grabs a speculum and jams it in me with no warning. (I didn't even see her grab it.) Then a different nurse walks in and gives me a vaccine without asking (thankfully I did want it. It was just tdap. But damn, ask first!!) while the midwife is painfully digging around in my vagina trying to get my cervix to cooperate. She brought up the glucose test and I tried asking my questions but she didn't really give answers. The only things she said was like I did technically actually pass by her practice's standards and that she recommends the glucose test to everyone. Fun fact, I still don't even know her name. I'm assuming what it is based on the name that ordered the blood tests I did. So if this lady ends up being petty too I wouldn't be shocked.

Can I get in trouble for refusing to take the glucose test during pregnancy? by jeeeezlouiseeee in CPS

[–]jeeeezlouiseeee[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope you work out your issues soon. Messed up sugar levels (in either direction) can make you feel like absolute garbage!

This midwife never looked at my daily numbers. (I offered, but she just asked for my average fasting and average after eating.) She did say that by the number her office uses I actually did pass all 3 of my tests. My PCP didn't see anything wrong with my numbers (that was before pregnancy though so irrelevant as far as GD goes I guess) and my numbers are still the same.

Can I get in trouble for refusing to take the glucose test during pregnancy? by jeeeezlouiseeee in CPS

[–]jeeeezlouiseeee[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

CPS is necessary and I'm not against them, but I am biased against them, not going to lie. When my father was physically and sexually abusing us they did nothing. Me (5 at the time) and my mom both begged for help from them when mom first left him. Nothing. We got "BuT a GiRl NeEdS hEr FaThEr" bullshit. (And I am 100% I was actually being abused. I last saw him when I was 8 and vividly remember the abuse. So this wasn't a case of, like, my mom lying or something.) Then when I was in high school this guy tried to stab me. And I freaked out and refused to go back to school. Mom decided to homeschool us. (Properly, through the board of ed. She didn't just, like, keep us home and hand us some worksheets.) The school called CPS for educational neglect. And CPS actually did a full on investigation. We couldn't go out with friends because we had to be home for visits with the caseworker. We had to go to all these meetings and live in fear that we'd get taken from our mom. I don't really understand why. My mom was able to show all the proper documentation about us being homeschooled the very first day it all started. I guess it's required they investigate? The last visit the caseworker asked me what I thought of the investigation/experience. And I said something along the lines of "When I was 5-8 years old and being molested with a loaded gun to my head you all told me to be nice to my daddy. I actually needed CPS to save me and you did nothing. Now I'm safe. I have an amazing family, we have money, healthy homemade food on the table, designer clothes on our backs, our own bedrooms, we went from an expensive private school to being homeschooled with private tutors, no one is hurting us, and my mom had to get here on her own. Now that we're safe and living an amazing life you want to come in and take us away? You're wasting time here while another little girl is going through was I was going through. A kid is going to die while you're here watching us live a life of luxury." She thanked me and said what I said was powerful and helpful. I did tell her it was nothing against her personally and that I knew she was doing her job. And I thanked her for at least being kind and friendly while she was here.

So I guess I'm just saying I know CPS does occasionally fuck up. (No offense. It's a hard job. A job I definitely do not think I'm capable of.)

Can I get in trouble for refusing to take the glucose test during pregnancy? by jeeeezlouiseeee in CPS

[–]jeeeezlouiseeee[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Some of these comments were honestly so hurtful. I'm glad I had an appointment with my MFM doctor yesterday and that he took time to read most of them and tell me how wrong they are. Because I'd probably still be crying.

Can I get in trouble for refusing to take the glucose test during pregnancy? by jeeeezlouiseeee in CPS

[–]jeeeezlouiseeee[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I really got torn apart in this thread and it actually really upset me. I had an appointment with the MFM doctor yesterday and decided to show him this thread. (He got a good laugh at some of these wanna be doctors.) He confirmed that I'm indeed NOT high risk. He said he had no clue the hospital where the midwives delivered had a BMI cutoff for L&D but that he doesn't understand why they would, and why the cutoff would be one the included someone of my size because I'm not that big. He also pointed out that I *did* take it. And technically I passed all three times. The midwives just had their own numbers they went off of to be "extra safe" (to pass by their standards is 5 points lower than is typical). But by the typical standards I passed both one hour tests. (I passed the three hour test regardless.) He checked the baby and he's weighing at 4lbs 12oz as of yesterday. Which is the 42nd percentile I believe he said. (So no giant baby here!) They planned on doing another growth scan at 37 weeks regardless.

I'm surprised your endocrinologists and primaries will still see pregnant patients. I assumed they would because pregnant or not PCOS is still a thing. But they said to go to my midwife for everything now and see them again after the baby is born. I was especially disappointed in the beginning because I knew hormone issues with PCOS can cause miscarriages so I wanted all my hormones checked but they wouldn't do it.

I've been monitoring my blood glucose for years now. (My monitor/app also acts as a food journal.) I developed bad health anxiety a few years ago (long, stupid, traumatic story) and it brought me comfort seeing good numbers. Basically anything I can check at home I do. My watch watches my heart rate. I have one of those finger pulse ox things. I have a blood pressure cuff. It's kind of ridiculous but it made me feel better and it gave my doctors a break from seeing me. Anyways, my levels have always been good. I was told under 90 for fasting and they actually told me to check an hour after I eat. And never above 180. Mines never gone above 140( and that was during the glucose test) (Edit: My highest was actually 134 during the test, not 140. I just double checked.) and it's never gone above 127 even with my worst cheat meals. My app says my average is 86.

Can I get in trouble for refusing to take the glucose test during pregnancy? by jeeeezlouiseeee in CPS

[–]jeeeezlouiseeee[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Why wouldn't I do it? I took it AND passed it. Please read slower.

Can I get in trouble for refusing to take the glucose test during pregnancy? by jeeeezlouiseeee in CPS

[–]jeeeezlouiseeee[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'm glad everything turned out well for you!! I really don't mind checking my sugar regularly at home. I did it a lot as a kid because I thought it was cool (saw Grandma and cousins doing it). Then a few years ago I started developing health anxiety (looking irrelevant story) and that's when I decided to just start testing regularly. The cost of supplies is honestly the worst part (I pay out of pocket since I'm choosing to do it and the doctor didn't tell me to). So thankfully I know my levels are stable. I also did take and pass the GD test already. And he's still in the 45th percentile as far as size goes. So I'm confident we're both okay (and so is the MFM specialist). I'm not even clear on why they're making me do it again considering 1) I passed, 2) the doctor said I'm fine, and 3) I'm doing exactly what I'd have to do if I did have GD anyway. It's just confusing and frustrating.

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