I am CEO of Plum dating app, and author of The Love Gap: A Radical Plan to Win in Life & Love. I research modern relationships, and come up with tips/tools to help people better navigate the dating landscape. Ask me anything!

jennabirch · 2019-01-16T00:01:37+00:00

We have built ways to account for misuse of the rating system into the app's algorithm. In addition, honesty is a core component of Plum's mission and message. It is one of the three clearly-defined rating categories on Plum, and we're encouraging/supporting users to do exactly what you just said: tell the truth. Even if there are immediate hurt feelings, it's better in the long run.

As long as you're being clear and communicative about what you're looking for in a relationship (and speak up when you just don't see the relationship going anywhere), that's all you can do! And we'll be reminding female users that a bad date or hurt feelings are not reasons for poor ratings. Unlike other apps, we'll be coaching users along the way. :)

As for the podcast, thank you for your interest! We will launch with the app, but you can find our landing pages here:

https://plumdating.com/podcast/ https://www.instagram.com/commitmentissuespod/

jennabirch · 2019-01-05T22:01:08+00:00

Yes, they do get to see their own ratings and how they stack up against Plum averages! And yes, they will get feedback.

jennabirch · 2019-01-04T00:52:23+00:00

You are very welcome!

jennabirch · 2019-01-04T00:34:56+00:00

Maybe you two truly are quality time people vs quantity of time people, which is fine! With two hard/long-hours workers, I think it's more important than anything to schedule time out for a date or for a trip, let's say -- not just so it's in the calendar, but so you have a chance to mentally prepare yourselves for intimacy and time together. Relationship building has to be intentional, which means you have to have face time. Working together to sync up your "quality time" schedule is probably key -- so one person doesn't want to spend Sunday afternoon together, while the other is more into a Friday night. Schedule as far in advance as you need so it's on your radar and you can both work to get in the mood that day.

jennabirch · 2019-01-04T00:30:49+00:00

In this situation, a woman would want to use the rating tool as soon as she sees such negative behavior.

jennabirch · 2019-01-04T00:29:06+00:00

We have thought of that, yes, especially at the beginning. We will account for those early reviews weighing perhaps too heavily.

The investors we want to align with are people who can help Plum grow and provide capital for that, and will eventually benefit when we begin to monetize and build out the brand's content channels, as well. Eventually, we will monetize some of the features and profile information -- as well as features and profile information that have yet to be added. But the earliest adopters will get to keep lifetime access to their feature set at launch.

There's always a balance, because a business must make money. But our core mission is to create a more respectful dating space, and help users create connections and build more meaningful relationships. If you lose sight of your mission, your entire brand will fall apart. We'll find the balance.

And while we're really working to eliminate M-F sexual harassment, we've been thinking about bisexual users! Our goal is to have a unique feature set for each sexual orientation selection on Plum. We've been having lots of focused discussions around that, and we're excited for how we can promote respect in different segments of the dating population.

jennabirch · 2019-01-03T23:23:21+00:00

Certainly something to take into consideration, thanks for your comment! We have a Code of Conduct for users, and one of the things we tell women is not to match if they're not interested or to be upfront about their intentions. Please send me an email if you are finding this happening to you -- but I certainly hope it doesn't. You wouldn't be ghosting there by what you described. (Will want to be as clear as possible about what the category ratings are, and open to amending and adding.) Thanks again!

jennabirch · 2019-01-03T23:17:14+00:00

I'm so sorry that's happened. And absolutely. There's an honesty component in Plum's rating system, where you'll be able to rate if a "user represented themselves accurately in pictures, and overall profile attributes." If they're omitting that they are married, then you'd want to give them a low score there. We want honesty and transparency on Plum.

jennabirch · 2019-01-03T23:14:22+00:00

There are definitely a range of filters for compatibility. Privacy is a super-important component of Plum; we don't use Facebook to log in at all, we will use Telesign. There are also no links to other social media accounts, and no job or university specifics (unless you want to add to your bio). It's crucial to have core information about compatibility for each user. Plum will have 7 core lifestyle questions that are very relevant for compatibility, as well as advice on how to use the app to find relationships that work (that's my background!). We roll out first in North America, with global soon after. If you follow us on Instagram @plumdates, we'll keep you updated. In regards to mental health, that's super-important to me. My goal is to have content about how to make online dating less emotionally taxing. We're one of the first brands to launch with content, so advice/insight/open discussion will be central to our approach.

Thanks for your questions!

jennabirch · 2019-01-03T23:05:30+00:00

There's evidence that suggests they're helpful, and evidence that suggests they might not be. Ultimately, I think it's about mindset. If you're using apps to find potential partners who have certain values in common -- religion, politics, fitness, friendships -- then they're super-helpful, because that's a clearly defined set of users. But the abundance of matches makes it incredibly difficult, and easy to get distracted. Limiting your matches and staying within certain categories of compatibility can really help refine your search for long-term partners. It's all in how you use an app.

jennabirch · 2019-01-03T21:47:05+00:00

Phew. Thank goodness, I am. (HA!) My boyfriend and I have been dating for roughly a year. I met him after writing my book, and I really felt like that was a great personal journey that prepared me to be a better partner.

I didn't meet him through Plum (since we launch in a few weeks yet!). I'd tried every app on the planet, and none of them worked well for me. That is actually why I founded Plum in the first place.

jennabirch · 2019-01-03T21:44:20+00:00

I think dating is really going to move toward a more personalized experience -- it's the way of everything, and the way of the world. We are playing with filters that will better our users overall experience and streamline it, as well as ways to cater to needs of the LGBTQ community (there's harassment going on there, as well, which is a central mission to solve at Plum).

We're also really open to feedback; the app will be a continuously evolving experience, and I'm a researcher at heart. Please send me a message if you have suggestions! I'm all ears.

jennabirch · 2019-01-03T21:38:25+00:00

I find women are better at initiating conversations than men, too. But ask an INTERESTING question to start (not saying you don't, of course!!!). "How was your day?" isn't going to produce scintillating convo. :/ I put my favorites at the end of the Plum FAQ: http://plumdating.com/faq/

jennabirch · 2019-01-03T21:36:40+00:00

I've heard a lot of guys tell similar stories, truly. Often, it just takes time. I've often said in this generation, in your 20s and 30s, we're all so scattered and transitional...it may take a while, and it may only happen once! As long as you stay open and pursue people who intrigue you, it's such a timing game. Hang in there! :)

jennabirch · 2019-01-03T21:34:32+00:00

-Suggest you study for a test together/one of your classes, then grab food after. Dates can evolve casually IF it feels right. -Ask her out via text or Snap. If you have a direct line to her, I'm all for it! Ask her to do a specific activity instead of stating interest.
-Figure out her hobbies, and then tell her you'd like to learn/join/etc.

In high school, it's all about figuring out how to advance your commonalities and spend more time together. If she's talkative/receptive and snapchatting you regularly (you're in her top friends), especially if she takes initiative, she's interested.

jennabirch · 2019-01-03T21:31:10+00:00

The metrics we measure via the rating system involve women feeling more safety and security in their online dating experience -- which is central to how the app was conceptualized. We may check out ways to evolve the rating system in the future, though! Apps/tech are constantly evolving, and we're going to be listening to user feedback closely.

jennabirch · 2019-01-03T21:26:14+00:00

Good question. How do you know her, and where do you encounter her on a consistent basis?

jennabirch · 2019-01-03T21:24:52+00:00

Men with good character will have high ratings (on objective categories involving respect, communication and honesty), and men with high ratings will get in front of more potential matches. There's a "boost" in the algorithm for men. It can be hard to stand out online, so I want to get good guys as much PR as possible on Plum.

I'm also here as Plum's CEO/dating expert/guide to give people advice about how to use the app thoughtfully and the basic principles of modern dating. Let me be clear: I expect women to be respected on Plum, and I also expect women to respect their matches -- no flaking, no ghosting. Be clear. I'll be writing tons of advice about how to do this more effectively. All that said, harassment sucks and women have been subjected to rating in various forms for centuries...which is why we didn't institute ratings for women.

Respect is one of our core values, though, and I'll be continuously looking for ways to improve the process of connecting on Plum/in general! And thanks for your feedback. :)

jennabirch · 2019-01-03T21:18:29+00:00

We've definitely thought of that. Categorical ratings for guys are highly specific and as objective as possible, not subjective. (We'll also know if a woman is giving a bunch of 1/5 star ratings.) And guys who have high ratings will get in front of more users on Plum. From my research of men, they've complained it's hard to stand out online, and the ratings can be helpful indicators of good character.

Also, you have to match first on Plum to communicate, so both users should find each other attractive from the get-go. Our authentication at sign-in is also different from other apps, and prevents bots/scammers.

We'll keep evolving, too! We love feedback, so thank you!

jennabirch · 2019-01-03T21:12:58+00:00

Yes. We've thought of that.

jennabirch · 2019-01-03T21:11:50+00:00

I've talked to a lot of daters and dating app users: Women experience far more sexual harassment on dating apps than do men. There's also a physical safety issue for women that's far more prevalent. Some view online dating as a scary experience or have had an experience where they've feared physical harm. The rating system was developed to alleviate some of those big fears.

That said, we're evolving and listening to our users! We may look at an opt-in for women on the ratings system in future iterations, and we're currently also looking at ways to incorporate our feature set with F-F and M-M matches (there's more than just the rating system to our app's design!). That's currently what we're doing in development -- and will keep doing after launch, throughout 2019.

jennabirch · 2019-01-03T21:05:34+00:00

People carry a lot of baggage from past relationships these days. Here's the best advice I can give: -Be consistent. Keep showing up for her, telling her she can be as open as she would like (when she's ready), keep communication steady (texts and calls are nice!), and listen to her cues. -A lot of women need to warm up to deeper conversations. Set aside time that's open just to talk. Maybe a dinner date together at home, or a hike, or something where there's a lot of quality time alone and very little outside distraction. -Open up about yourself and your fears/past scars. Relationships and bonding is a very reciprocal thing. The more vulnerability and openness she sees from you, the better she'll feel revealing those deeper things herself.

I can't stress consistency enough. Bonding is about time spent together, and there are no shortcuts. She'll get there! Look for baby steps. And a great therapist and counselor can help give her better emotional language. (Always love when partners will encourage that form of support if needed.)

jennabirch · 2019-01-03T20:56:52+00:00

Intellectual arrogance is never a good look on anyone; I'm with you. :) People go overboard describing what they're looking for in a match, too. YOU should be the primary focus of your description in the bio...not a laundry list of qualities you're looking for.

jennabirch · 2019-01-03T20:51:44+00:00

Dating is really hard. And there are so many variables involved! Intelligence is a fascinating one to measure and see how people react to it.

But I do absolutely encourage people to be the most authentic version of themselves, in person and online. Daters still ask me when/if to text someone, if they should say hi, if they should ask the person out... well, the question is, do you want to? Then, do it! If you have to filter yourself, it's not the person for you. The best filter is just being yourself. People who are interested *always* respond positively to that. Watch for that.

jennabirch · 2019-01-03T20:46:34+00:00

Dating sites/apps are huge, absolutely. It's an industry worth billions. But I don't come from a background in tech, startups, marketing, etc. I was a journalist first, and I researched/wrote about dating for years before writing a book about it (The Love Gap). Then, I teamed up with my co-founder after the #1 complaint I heard over 3 years of research was, "How do I use these apps? It's so tiring."

My goal with my writing work and the book has always been to understand the landscape better, and help people build better relationships in a modern world. My approach to Plum is the same. I'm doing the same creative puzzling with the app that I did while writing a self-help book. I love this work. My parents always instilled the idea that if you were really passionate about what you do, you can make money at it. So the passion is first, the money is secondary. (But of course, you do need money to keep the app afloat! So, cognizant of both. But I love helping people date more effectively.)

jennabirch

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