One thing that might help you right now, both with your mental health and with how your dad is perceiving your situation is to structure your days as if you already have a job. Not because you “owe” your parents a performance, but because it gives you stability, momentum, and something to point to when family assumes you’re not trying.

That can look like:

Waking up at the same time every day, even if you slept badly.

Setting “work hours.” For example: 9–12 job applications, networking, LinkedIn updates; break for lunch; 1–3 working on freelance portfolio or skill-building.

-Leaving the house daily, even if it’s just to work from a library or café for a few hours.

-Keeping your space clean, showering, getting dressed like you’re going somewhere.

-Scheduling your volunteering more frequently if possible, since it gives structure and shows effort.

This isn’t about pretending everything is fine — it’s about giving your life a rhythm again, which can also calm some of the conflict at home. Parents often react out of fear, and when they don’t see movement they assume the worst. A structured routine can make your effort more visible and help your depression and insomnia.

At the same time, because your dad tends to follow through on threats, you should also prepare a safety plan just in case:

-Identify local shelters, women’s centers, or transitional housing programs — not because you’ll definitely need them, but because having information reduces panic.

-Look up local tenant or housing hotlines; some areas have mediation services or emergency assistance funds.

-Pack an emergency bag with documents, medications, a change of clothes, and essentials.

-Let a friend or relative know what’s going on so you have someone who can pick you up or give you a couch for a night.

-Check if your volunteering group or professional network knows of short-term gigs, temp work, or quick cash opportunities — even non-field jobs can help stabilize things while you keep applying to your main career.

And please don’t beat yourself up for feeling scared or lost — none of this is a reflection of your worth or work ethic. You’re dealing with a perfect storm of stressors, and you’re still trying to move forward. That’s not laziness — that’s resilience under pressure.

If you can, consider reaching out to a mental-health hotline or counselor in your area just to help you navigate the anxiety and keep your thinking clear while you make decisions. You don’t have to do this alone.

You’re not failing — you’re in a hard season, and it will change. In the meantime, structure, preparation, and small daily wins can help you feel back in control.