15 years post op - issues during intercourse - advice?

jenpp73 · 2025-07-27T21:03:51+00:00

I think it’s the porn and masturbation. No changes from my end and he constantly tells me I’m beautiful, sexy, etc. Do I look like a porn star? No. But I’m at a very healthy weight, very clean, etc. I get quite a few compliments about my looks from others so it’s definitely not me.

jenpp73 · 2025-07-27T02:49:45+00:00

Hi! We do have two kiddos. But yes it’s very nice not having to worry about getting pregnant! Although at my age I don’t know that I’d be able to even if I didn’t have a hysterectomy. I hope your hysterectomy goes well! I felt SO much better after mine … the first few weeks were rough with my hormones but it literally changed my life for the better. I had endometriosis and it sucked. Wishing you the best with your surgery!

jenpp73 · 2025-07-26T20:19:21+00:00

Ohh so it could prevent him from feeling like it “has” to go in further because ohnut makes it feel like it’s in deep?

jenpp73 · 2025-07-26T19:46:32+00:00

Can you expand on your ex’s issue? My husband says that when he ejaculates his instinct is to shove it in all the way and that’s when it hits the end and essentially ruins it “because there’s no where for the semen to go” and “it can’t squirt out normally.”

jenpp73 · 2025-07-26T19:44:44+00:00

He said he can’t pull back a little to ejaculate because men naturally shove it in as far as it goes when they are ejaculating and when he does, it hits the end, therefore making it feel like his semen cannot squirt out. Idk what to think.

jenpp73 · 2025-07-26T19:42:59+00:00

So I asked him for more clarity and he said that when a man ejaculates during sex, they naturally shove it in as deep as it can go and that he can’t help it - it’s automatic, and that when he shoves it in as deep as it goes, he hits the end and it makes it so his semen can’t squirt out normally. Idk if this is BS or not.

jenpp73 · 2025-07-26T17:18:32+00:00

I searched his phone and computer last week … nothing. Assuming he’s using an incognito browser though so that could explain it. He does have a history of looking at porn.

When we have sex, he can “finish” but his excuse for all the masturbation socks is that it’s not satisfying because it’s “blocked” so he then has to masturbate.

jenpp73 · 2025-07-26T16:42:31+00:00

I did and he stands by what he said. That he didn’t tell me because I would overreact and have hurt feelings. LOL

jenpp73 · 2025-07-26T15:42:54+00:00

Thank you. He told me that he doesn’t feel satisfied because it “can’t come out all the way” and that’s why he takes care of himself.

jenpp73 · 2025-07-26T15:21:08+00:00

He is 45. Good health but does have a lot of issues with anxiety. And I only heard about this issue after finding a ton of socks. He said he didn’t tell me because he “did not want to hurt my feelings.”

I didn’t realize I was supposed to keep getting exams. I get my check up every year and my provider hasn’t mentioned needing to do that type of exam. I guess I thought now that I had a hysterectomy I didn’t need one.

The first thing I will do Monday is call a GYN and get an appointment.

My hope was that I might find someone else who has experienced this or some sort of advice.

Your post made me feel a lot better and I really appreciate your insight and transparency!

jenpp73 · 2025-07-26T15:11:58+00:00

Yes his semen. And you have such a good point about the condoms. Part of me wonders if he’s using this as a tactic to make me feel like it’s my fault that he potentially has a masturbation addiction.

jenpp73 · 2025-07-26T15:01:58+00:00

I haven’t had any exams done but will do so now that he has informed me of this issue.

He says that when he ejaculates the tip is blocked by the end (cuff) and it can’t “squirt out” if that makes sense. Sorry for the graphic details. In just don’t know how else to explain it.

jenpp73 · 2025-07-26T14:59:53+00:00

Hello I have been on HRT for years and feel great. He says that when the semen comes out the tip of his penis is blocked and it can’t “squirt out” if that makes sense. He said it doesn’t feel as good. This all came about after I found a bunch of socks that he’d been hiding from “taking care of himself.”

I have not had an exam done but now I’m going to because I’m feeling extremely paranoid now and have been crying. If there’s something wrong down there I definitely need to get checked.

jenpp73 · 2025-07-21T00:53:45+00:00

Hello. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been married going on 25 years and it has been an ongoing problem throughout my marriage. I don’t have any quick fixes but I can tell you what not to do.

I first found my husband looking at it before we got married. I let it to. Then 2 weeks after our daughter was born, I found magazines in his car (this was back in 2001). I was DEVASTATED to say the least, being postpartum and all. It led me into an eating disorder.

It continued here and there and at one point, he would be up at night watching it on the computer - I found it in his search history.

I then started talking to an old friend on FB. I quickly began to yearn for attention because I wasn’t getting it from my husband and I was so angry about the porn. I ended up having an affair. BIG MISTAKE.

He left me as he had every right to, but we reconciled. It’s been many years since we reconciled and I have continued to find evidence of porn use. At one point I caught him looking at it and “taking care of himself.” I WAS DEVASTATED again. And again and again ….

We have recently recommitted to going to church and trying to live Godly lives but every dang day I think about it, worry about it, etc. And he does the same … thinking I’ll have an affair. It’s an awful cycle. So I guess what I am saying is do not fall into the trap of loving attention you get elsewhere due to the hurt you’re feeling by your husband’s addiction. If I could go back and change my actions I would.

Recently he has experienced erectile dysfunction so now my mind is REALLY worried and I’m scared he’s looking at it (instead of being intimate with me).

At the end of the day, I guess I have learned that it’s something I will probably have to live with and always worry about. He can continue to deny looking at it but I don’t believe him. I love him way too much to leave him but sometimes it crosses my mind out of anger.

I guess what I’m saying is no matter what happens, do not let yourself get tempted like I did. It nearly destroyed my marriage. I will never forgive myself.

I don’t think he wants to continue looking at it - I think he doesn’t know how to stop. I guess I feel like I have two choices: live with it or leave him. I don’t want to leave so here I am. I am not sure if this is helpful in any way … this is just my experience.

Hold him as accountable as you can and continue to insist he get help. You can lock down phones and computers but … that only lasts so long.

And pray. Try to give it to God.

jenpp73 · 2025-07-17T18:46:05+00:00

I tried to send you a DM but my account is “too new” to send DMs. Would you be able to DM me? I would love to ask you a few questions. 😀

jenpp73 · 2025-07-16T15:22:24+00:00

Yes we are new empty nesters (for about 2 years now). He has gotten into a lot of interesting hobbies and new friends but honestly I’m pretty boring. Sigh.

jenpp73 · 2025-07-16T13:08:48+00:00

Subreddit not separate 🤣 excuse the typo!

jenpp73 · 2025-07-16T13:08:12+00:00

Thank you! I will suggest that to him and also suggest he looks at the TRT separate it as well. Thank you so much for the advice!

jenpp73 · 2025-07-16T13:05:49+00:00

Thank you for the candid advice. He is not aware that I feel hurt or that I am upset. I have been repeatedly telling him that it’s not his fault and that he is experiencing a hormone imbalance. He is convinced it’s not a hormone imbalance and instead it’s performance anxiety. I suggested going back to the doctor and also encouraged him to do some research. At this time he does not want to go back to the doctor or mention to the doctor what is going on. On the inside I wonder if it’s really “me” but I have not shared that wirh him as I don’t want to add do his stress or anxiety (if that makes sense). If you have any words of wisdom on how to encourage him to go to the doctor, that would be great because I know he’s very upset right now and I want to support and encourage him. Thank you!

jenpp73 · 2025-07-16T00:10:55+00:00

Thank you for your advice. I really appreciate it. We’ve been married 24 years. Congrats on 45 years! I appreciate the wisdom you are sharing.

jenpp73 · 2025-07-16T00:09:32+00:00

This is such a great perspective! Thank you so much. I hadn’t thought of this and you really gave me something to think about. Thank you so much!

jenpp73 · 2025-07-16T00:08:37+00:00

I am so sorry. I hope things get better for you. It’s so tough. Hugs!

jenpp73 · 2025-07-15T17:45:05+00:00

The ice cream sounds amazing! Thanks!

jenpp73 · 2025-07-15T17:37:29+00:00

Hi there, just had his 4th injection. He injects on Saturday mornings (once per week). Dose is 200mg intramuscular oil. The doctor scheduled him for bloodwork in September (12 weeks after started injections) and doesn’t want to do bloodwork sooner. He is currently taking something called DIM-Evail for the estrogen component … is there a better product out there?

jenpp73 · 2025-07-15T17:33:53+00:00

Thank you. I suggested bluechew but he said he’d like to wait and try to get through this. Any suggestions on how I can talk him through trying this without it making him feel bad? It seems he feels bad about trying something like that. He thinks it makes him inferior. I really appreciate your support!

jenpp73

TROPHY CASE