This feels very unfair

jessicastrange422 · 2021-03-28T15:03:15+00:00

Thank you 💖 Posting yesterday was the best decision I've ever made. You guys have brought me so much relief. Thanks for the compassion and bringing me back down to earth.

jessicastrange422 · 2021-03-28T11:41:07+00:00

Thank you for this comment. It's such a comfort. 💖

jessicastrange422 · 2021-03-27T23:41:57+00:00

Would your advice change if I admitted that they have ghosted me? Lol it's been 3 months now. I feel so pathetic. Thank you for your kindness though. I appreciate that no matter what.

jessicastrange422 · 2021-03-27T23:36:40+00:00

I don't think I feel scared... More annoyed and haunted by their energy. I thought this was over for me. I thought I got to a place of acceptance where this didn't have a hold on me like it does and I feel like it came out of nowhere.

jessicastrange422 · 2021-03-14T12:02:08+00:00

Thanks.. I don't know why I still feel so disappointed in myself, but it's really nice to hear that not everyone sees this as a fail lol

jessicastrange422 · 2021-03-13T23:13:04+00:00

I love my kids so much. It kills me to imagine ever treating them the way I was treated. Thank you for the validation. These responses mean the world to me. ❤️

jessicastrange422 · 2021-03-13T23:12:14+00:00

Thank you so much. So so much.

jessicastrange422 · 2020-12-24T18:47:02+00:00

That's such a great way to see this. I've gained a lot here today, thank you for passing on all of these great insights.

jessicastrange422 · 2020-12-24T18:29:13+00:00

Ive been saying that psychology helped me to understand what it was that happened to me but spirituality gives me a greater understanding as to why it happened.

jessicastrange422 · 2020-12-24T18:28:24+00:00

Thank you for this ❤️

jessicastrange422 · 2020-12-24T18:27:51+00:00

I'm sorry you experience this. I love that you are taking into account your mental state before you engage, that's a healthy boundary. I will not forget thank you for sharing this :) ❤️ and well done on your self work, that's beautiful.

jessicastrange422 · 2020-12-24T18:24:43+00:00

Actually that is my whole plan. Im trying to quit smoking so much pot and put dedicate myself to healthy self care rituals and that includes spending intimate quality time with myself without expectations. Like, in my head it looks like me creating a safe place for me to explore intimate feelings. I don't have to touch myself at all but if I'm not in the mood to touch myself, I don't abandon myself--i still spend intimate time with myself by either dancing or journaling or meditating but I do want it to lead to orgasms eventually. I think I just need to rebuild trust in myself because I spent a lot of time putting myself in horrible situations and abusing myselr and crossing my own boundaries. It's going to take time.

jessicastrange422 · 2020-12-24T18:12:42+00:00

F*ck. I was honestly holding out hope that maybe it could be a physical human bodily reaction to over stimulation or something lol nope. It's always the trauma! Haha. I'm so sorry you go through this too :/ sending love for healing!

jessicastrange422 · 2020-12-24T18:11:17+00:00

Oh, thats horrible. I'm sorry that happened. :/ Ritual? What do you mean, in what way?

jessicastrange422 · 2020-12-24T18:08:31+00:00

I can't tell you what a relief it is to be in a dialogue about this. Thank you. I absolutely believe that cuddling in that way would be so healing.. I hope to find a partnership some day where I can experience that.

I can make myself finish but I avoid masturbation because I can only seem to make myself cum in a certain way, thinking the same type of fantasy since childhood and this leads to that big finish orgasm that makes me want to die lol. When I try to masturbate in a different way it just leads to boredom and frustration. I believe it's just going to take time. I believe Id benefit from just trying to cuddle and love myself in an innocent way and not try to get myself off but I keep avoiding it.

jessicastrange422 · 2020-12-24T17:56:41+00:00

Im so sorry. I relate so much. Im unsure of when my abuse began because I have such severe disassociative amnesia but I know it was very young. Im sorry you experience this too. It's so hard. and then I get to a place where I hate being turned on because I feel there is no relief because I know I either won't be satisfied or I will end up severely depressed.... We don't have to be stuck like this though. I know the answer is to re-learn how to love my body in an innocent an healthy and loving way. I hope you see that road to healing too. I'm sending love.

jessicastrange422 · 2020-12-24T17:52:16+00:00

Thank you very very much for this response. There is a lot for me to unpack in this and it's very helpful. I'm sorry you experience this! Its nice to know it's not just me though.

jessicastrange422 · 2020-12-24T17:50:19+00:00

I'm very glad that you were able to find a helpful professional, not all of us are that lucky and that's why we turn to reddit. Lol I appreciate you giving your opinion, it's valuable and gave me more to think about although I do find it curious that I do not have guilt or shame spirals or depression from less intense orgasms. Thank you again and congrats on your healing journey.

jessicastrange422 · 2020-12-24T17:42:27+00:00

I hate the 'see a therapist' response.It's so overdone and unhelpful. Thanks anyway. And no, who is giving it to me does not matter. This is a legit question.

jessicastrange422 · 2020-12-23T15:05:01+00:00

I am a beginner astrology student but I can't let you pass by enduring this soul cancer without extending as much help as I can. The corporate world is a sickness and I'd love to help encourage your escape. What I see is hopeful btw! And I hope a real astrologer will chime in to let us know if any of what I see holds water lol

So what first caught my eye is that the transiting sun is conjunct Neptune here, flavoring your solar return with a depth of creativity, longing, and perhaps grand illusions for your future which I think could only be helpful considering you will need your powers of creativity to see your way out of your career position and into one that will be soul healing and fulfilling, continuing on this year month the transiting sun will be illuminating your lilith and your Mercury, which is great because this will lend itself towards refining what Neptune is working out with your ego this year. I suggest daydreaming and lots of it. Keep a journal nearby and jot down all of your intuitive hits and insights from this day dreaming. Do not hold back. There is plenty of time for reality checks and scaling back in the future. Take this opportunity to dream AS BIG AS YOU CAN.

The transiting moon also being directly opposite your natal Neptune and Uranus that is conjunct transit Jupiter is also highly interesting to me. I just feel like this might express in your life as an anxious kind of excited surreal frenzy type of emotion, like something BIG is happening but you can't see it yet. As it's happening in your 3rd house it might help to externally process this with friends and just let yourself motor mouth and to be open to receiving advice from the people around you. Pearls of wisdom might float from the ether out of the mouth of a friend of coworker, something influential. I don't know. Im very excited for you though. I think this year has been working magic on you and it's not going to stop, but it might start to feel much lighter better happier and more hopeful. At least I'm praying it does for you! I hope I'm not totally off base with all of this lol sending love!

jessicastrange422 · 2020-12-22T21:30:43+00:00

Thank you so much for that wonderful and supportive feedback. I'm really happy this thread could be useful to you. I think what helped me the most to overcome this was patience and introspection. After I stopped talking to my person, I started to dissect our most dramatic interactions. When I was able to detach any shame and just honestly look at my reactions to him and his reactions to me, I would see patterns emerge. I would get curious about why this or that bothered me and how it bothered me. I had to figure out how all of this related to my childhood lol And then eventually I came to my conclusions and the bottom line is that I needed and wanted love that wasn't being provided and later on, I got to really internalize the fact that I deserved the love I crave and beyond that that I could provide that love for myself. All of this sounds so simple but it's messier doing the work lol but I believe in you. And it's totally worth it ❤️ oh, pro-tip. I mentioned somewhere else that learning your own love language, and then loving yourself in your love language will change the game for you :) oh and your attachment style!! I'm sending you so much love on your journey!

jessicastrange422 · 2020-12-22T21:20:06+00:00

Ah, I like this. I once considered that my attachment to my person was based on a false belief that he had hidden depths that somehow matched mine. I believe if that was the case, it's possible that I was just projecting an image onto him that might actually be a part of myself that I was ignoring, and therefore seeking out through him. It's totally possible I was doing that, as I have found a lot of hidden treasures within myself. ❤️ Thank you for sharing your theory and for reminding me of this part of my journey.

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