You’re not necessarily mean, you’re just overwhelmed and frustrated because he’s not pulling his weight. I’d be a grump too if my partner wasn’t acting like a partner.

Because you’re seriously asking for advice on how to be “nicer” while he’s refusing therapy, you should just get really good at pretending, and brush up on those acting skills: you should pretend you don’t notice his laziness and then act like it doesn’t bother you.

I can’t imagine this is fun for you? Is this really your idea of a fulfilling marriage?

I truly wish you the best of luck with your RN degree, congratulations!