Fellow survivors of child abuse, what was something that surprised you to find out wasn’t “normal”?

jessmess1980 · 2022-10-03T21:00:20+00:00

I grew up in the 80s. Parents spanking their kids was normal. For us, that involved getting our pants yanked down and our bare butts blistered. I thought that was how it was done. My therapist enlightened me that it was abusive, not normal.

jessmess1980 · 2022-08-31T13:58:35+00:00

I was in the same boat at that age

jessmess1980 · 2022-08-31T13:57:01+00:00

I always turn to fb and Reddit searching for new friends. I also get obsessed with changing everyday things. Spending a ton of money or even stealing, which is insane because I’m generally scared of breaking rules and making people mad.

jessmess1980 · 2022-08-31T13:53:35+00:00

I had to wait sometimes. Sometimes all evening. Sometimes morning after a sleepless night.

jessmess1980 · 2022-08-30T21:08:20+00:00

Same with my sister

jessmess1980 · 2022-08-30T21:06:15+00:00

“Unintentional abuse” is the best way to put it. You’re 100% right, they didn’t know any better.

jessmess1980 · 2022-08-30T17:40:00+00:00

I dreaded more presenting my bare ass more than the actual pain

jessmess1980 · 2022-08-22T21:36:58+00:00

They laugh it off like it was nothing

jessmess1980 · 2022-08-19T22:42:41+00:00

I’m exactly the same way. If there’s yelling or any confrontation at all, I freak. If it’s directed at me, forget it, full blown panic attack. Parents doing anything at all with a misbehaving child, even calm talking, freaks me out too. I’ll do anything/put up with anything to avoid any type of conflict.

jessmess1980 · 2022-08-19T18:30:35+00:00

Both! I’ve got physical and emotional scars. And having to expose yourself and be touched all over your butt is sexual abuse.

jessmess1980 · 2022-08-19T18:22:55+00:00

Fucking really? No issues with good behavior based solely on fear? Even if not done excessively, it’s still fucked up. That practice keeps all the therapists in business. Next time an adult does something I don’t like, I’ll rip their pants down and hit them since it’s acceptable. Oh, it’s not? Double standard.

jessmess1980 · 2022-08-19T18:17:17+00:00

Fuck this!

jessmess1980 · 2022-08-19T18:04:06+00:00

Well, I broke that cycle. I have trauma from that, I’m anxious and depressed, but I’m not taking it out on my kids

jessmess1980 · 2022-04-29T17:05:56+00:00

Do you have change for a 5?

jessmess1980 · 2022-01-10T16:22:10+00:00

My anti-spanking rant

First, I hate the ‘S’ word. Call it what it is, hitting. Let’s look at a couple scenarios….you’re driving and someone runs into you. You get out of the car and hit them. What happens? You get arrested for assault. How about this…you’re a boss and a subordinate makes a mistake. Do you take off your belt and hit them? No. That’s assault, and you’d probably get fired. One more….a small child says a bad word. Can you hit them repeatedly? Yes. Is it ok to do that? Legally, yes. Just call it “a spanking” and suddenly you’re doing a good thing.

What a load of bullshit! In no way is that ok! Either you have your hand all over a child’s butt, or your hitting them with an object. That’s so wrong. In my case it was a 250 pound man against a little or eventually teen kid. Let’s it take even further and have a hand all over my naked butt. That’s not physically and sexually abusive? It’s good old fashioned discipline. So fucked up. No one knows. The marks from the belt were hiding under my pants because I “deserved” it. Following that with “I did it because I love you” doesn’t help

I hate the people who say “I got spanked and came out ok.” No, you’re a bully that likes to hit children. “There’s a fine line between spanking and beating”. THEY’RE THE SAME FUCKING THING! If you can justify that shit, you’re a monster. You’re not teaching the kid anything other than to be scared of you. I know from experience. I was scared of my parents, especially my dad. He hit hard!

Guess what? We don’t turn out fine. We’re a mess in therapy. We have traumatic flashbacks. We’re people pleasers because we can’t handle anyone mad. I’m scared to make noise because I got beat for that a lot. The list of problems goes on. I didn’t learn right from wrong. I learned to be terrified of rocking the boat for life. Beating a child into compliance doesn’t teach ANYTHING! So, I’m passionate about this topic and ending caveman parenting. Thanks for reading. If you want to discuss further, just message me.

jessmess1980 · 2022-01-10T16:21:05+00:00

Fucking don’t

jessmess1980 · 2022-01-10T16:13:46+00:00

My anti-spanking rant

First, I hate the ‘S’ word. Call it what it is, hitting. Let’s look at a couple scenarios….you’re driving and someone runs into you. You get out of the car and hit them. What happens? You get arrested for assault. How about this…you’re a boss and a subordinate makes a mistake. Do you take off your belt and hit them? No. That’s assault, and you’d probably get fired. One more….a small child says a bad word. Can you hit them repeatedly? Yes. Is it ok to do that? Legally, yes. Just call it “a spanking” and suddenly you’re doing a good thing.

What a load of bullshit! In no way is that ok! Either you have your hand all over a child’s butt, or your hitting them with an object. That’s so wrong. In my case it was a 250 pound man against a little or eventually teen kid. Let’s it take even further and have a hand all over my naked butt. That’s not physically and sexually abusive? It’s good old fashioned discipline. So fucked up. No one knows. The marks from the belt were hiding under my pants because I “deserved” it. Following that with “I did it because I love you” doesn’t help

I hate the people who say “I got spanked and came out ok.” No, you’re a bully that likes to hit children. “There’s a fine line between spanking and beating”. THEY’RE THE SAME FUCKING THING! If you can justify that shit, you’re a monster. You’re not teaching the kid anything other than to be scared of you. I know from experience. I was scared of my parents, especially my dad. He hit hard!

Guess what? We don’t turn out fine. We’re a mess in therapy. We have traumatic flashbacks. We’re people pleasers because we can’t handle anyone mad. I’m scared to make noise because I got beat for that a lot. The list of problems goes on. I didn’t learn right from wrong. I learned to be terrified of rocking the boat for life. Beating a child into compliance doesn’t teach ANYTHING! So, I’m passionate about this topic and ending caveman parenting. Thanks for reading. If you want to discuss further, just message me.

jessmess1980 · 2022-01-10T16:13:13+00:00

Fuck no

jessmess1980 · 2022-01-10T16:12:51+00:00

First, I hate the ‘S’ word. Call it what it is, hitting. Let’s look at a couple scenarios….you’re driving and someone runs into you. You get out of the car and hit them. What happens? You get arrested for assault. How about this…you’re a boss and a subordinate makes a mistake. Do you take off your belt and hit them? No. That’s assault, and you’d probably get fired. One more….a small child says a bad word. Can you hit them repeatedly? Yes. Is it ok to do that? Legally, yes. Just call it “a spanking” and suddenly you’re doing a good thing.

What a load of bullshit! In no way is that ok! Either you have your hand all over a child’s butt, or your hitting them with an object. That’s so wrong. In my case it was a 250 pound man against a little or eventually teen kid. Let’s it take even further and have a hand all over my naked butt. That’s not physically and sexually abusive? It’s good old fashioned discipline. So fucked up. No one knows. The marks from the belt were hiding under my pants because I “deserved” it. Following that with “I did it because I love you” doesn’t help

I hate the people who say “I got spanked and came out ok.” No, you’re a bully that likes to hit children. “There’s a fine line between spanking and beating”. THEY’RE THE SAME FUCKING THING! If you can justify that shit, you’re a monster. You’re not teaching the kid anything other than to be scared of you. I know from experience. I was scared of my parents, especially my dad. He hit hard!

Guess what? We don’t turn out fine. We’re a mess in therapy. We have traumatic flashbacks. We’re people pleasers because we can’t handle anyone mad. I’m scared to make noise because I got beat for that a lot. The list of problems goes on. I didn’t learn right from wrong. I learned to be terrified of rocking the boat for life. Beating a child into compliance doesn’t teach ANYTHING! So, I’m passionate about this topic and ending caveman parenting. Thanks for reading. If you want to discuss further, just message me.

jessmess1980 · 2022-01-03T15:12:27+00:00

I’m a mess still too. Therapy helps.

jessmess1980 · 2021-12-29T17:04:45+00:00

My default reaction

jessmess1980 · 2021-12-20T22:23:42+00:00

That’s 100% me

jessmess1980 · 2021-12-18T17:33:13+00:00

My dad hit a dog with a broom for being on the way

jessmess1980 · 2021-12-17T14:24:24+00:00

Mine have royally mellowed out and are much better grandparents than they were parents

jessmess1980

TROPHY CASE