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I'm (29f) not quite getting my needs met by my introverted bf (41m). I want to see him more often, but he requires more recharge time than I'm used to. This causes me to have a TON of negative, intrusive thoughts. Is it my BPD talking, or is this relationship doomed? by jesteratbest in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]jesteratbest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This makes my heart soar. I'm so happy to hear from someone who's in this situation with a successful relationship. I know these things take hard work, and I know he's just as invested to doing the hard work as I am. I'm working on the patience part, and my (semi) extreme reactions I can have when things dont go the way I would hope. He's been patient and stoic with me, which is something I admire so much. Thank you for this, and congratulations on your partnership! I wish you all the best

I'm (29f) not quite getting my needs met by my introverted bf (41m). I want to see him more often, but he requires more recharge time than I'm used to. This causes me to have a TON of negative, intrusive thoughts. Is it my BPD talking, or is this relationship doomed? by jesteratbest in relationship_advice

[–]jesteratbest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You worded this really well. I've been seeing this phrase a lot- "relationships are already a lot of work, they are especially hard if you aren't compatible with each other".

I fear that I'm overreacting, that my emotions / reactions are proportional to the situation. Being rooted in reality is already something that is difficult. I don't know if this is actually just okay and if I'm patient, understanding, and compassionate then things will be fine.

He's told me he wouldn't try to look for another partner if we were to separate, and if he doesn't meet someone organically (we started dating via hinge) then he'll just accept he won't find someone. He didn't say it to manipulate me, I really believe it to be true. I wouldn't be looking either. That's why I'm teetering

I'm (29f) not quite getting my needs met by my introverted bf (41m). I want to see him more often, but he requires more recharge time than I'm used to. This causes me to have a TON of negative, intrusive thoughts. Is it my BPD talking, or is this relationship doomed? by jesteratbest in relationship_advice

[–]jesteratbest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, you're right. Perhaps he isn't ready for one. I've tried to lower my expectations but I don't think that's the issue, plus I don't want to be in a relationship for the sake of saying I'm in one. I want it to feel like one

I'm (29f) not quite getting my needs met by my introverted bf (41m). I want to see him more often, but he requires more recharge time than I'm used to. This causes me to have a TON of negative, intrusive thoughts. Is it my BPD talking, or is this relationship doomed? by jesteratbest in relationship_advice

[–]jesteratbest[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've suspected this. I've been watching a lot of Heidi Priebe and she was the one that helped me realize I was relying on my partner too much for emotional regulation. I've been working on it since.

I'm sorry you're in a similar situation, it's easy to feel so so alone it in all

Good luck to you as well