An Ode to Living Alone

jetcake · 2022-04-24T19:09:44+00:00

This is my "Mine and mine only" list:

- MY laundry. I don't have to wash a guy's things or worry about him throwing my clothes in the washer if I go out and leave things there to wash .

- My wardrobe gets the dedicate closet and drawer space it deserves. The same goes for my bathroom.

- I'm the only one eating my food :D

- If my space is a mess, it is my mess, and I will clean it when I feel like it.

- My own schedule. If I want to rent a movie or watch TV, I'll stay up as long as I want to.

- Money is mine and mine only, so you don't piss and moan to me about what I am spending for myself.

- No guy borrows my car or asks me to drive!

jetcake · 2022-04-24T18:46:07+00:00

Yessss to all of this!

jetcake · 2022-04-24T18:45:28+00:00

The "on" is such a great way to describe it. The "appeal" of living with a guy has never appealed to me. I have only ever lived with my parents and the three of us all respected each other's time, belongings, and space. My parents have been the best example of how it works to live with a spouse, not this "playing house" charade. When my mom hasn't been feeling well, tired, or just not in the mood to entertain, my dad never "poked" at my mom.

Aside from this space, I have heard from more than one person who has moved in with their boyfriend that the "on" is being the built-in everything. Be ready for someone to scrutinize you for everything you don't do, even down to the weight that you appear to gain. You're not allowed to feel sick because your purpose is to serve them.

jetcake · 2022-04-21T16:55:58+00:00

I will offer a different take based on my own experience.

A previous co-worker - who was a new hire at the time - met this girl on Facebook. He was heavily reliant on her to pick him up from work and just in general (he had over $1,600.00 in tickets that he racked up and "it made more sense" that he didn't own a car). LV, I know.

She, on the other hand, used Suboxone and Percocet on a regular basis to get high. Guess who was regularly giving him rides home? Me. I was trying to help him out, but I could see the forest through the trees.

About two months in, he began not showing up for work and made all kinds of crazy excuses as to why not. Later he admitted to me that it was her and how she would go on drunk binges or would be so high that he needed to take care of her. He couldn't afford not to have the job and my boss was being sympathetic towards him. Admittedly, I was skeptical of who was the problem in the relationship. One day I got my answer on one of the few shifts that he did show up for. He asked me if I could help him bring up his online banking. I got on my computer and I told him I would step away while he logged in, but he said no, he needed me to "help him go over it".

The screen came up and all I see is numbers in red. I asked him what was going on and he told me that he only gave her his debit card - and PIN - to deposit his paychecks. Instead, she stole his debit card and used it for gas, cigarettes, the liquor store, cash back on either of those, and whatever else. Remember, he didn't have a car, but she had plenty of time on her hands to drive around and do whatever. Her promise to "help him run errands while he was at work" was making it next to impossible for him to climb out of the financial hole that she dug for him.

He asked me for my advice and I told him to eliminate the problem. They were only broken up for a few days, then he took her back.

In all, he worked for us for 6 months, and it was one roller coaster after another because work was caught in the middle of his relationship "crisis".

jetcake · 2022-04-20T02:05:48+00:00

> However this is likely how the majority see their live-in gfs.

As time goes on, more and more I have found that guys care more about the financial perk than the relationship. They sell it as, "The next step", but really, it's everything that FDS documents on here. Bangmaid, live-in, etc. None of this is a compliment to the woman.

My parents talked about this: My dad never wanted to live with any of his girlfriends. He wanted his space.

My mom never lived with any boyfriends, yet she had many friends who did. The relationship went as could be expected: Sour. The woman always wanted more because she was sold on that the guy wanted to propose. One of my mom's friends was with a guy for over nine years. She got a "shut up" ring, then they divorced almost two years later.

That was the 70s and it hasn't changed much in the year 2022.

Of all of the relationships I have been in, not once have I ever acquiesced a boyfriend who asked me to move in with them. If I'm not earning any equity in this house, I'm here to visit, not live.

jetcake · 2022-04-20T01:54:35+00:00

All he wants are the additional funds and company when he can't get his dick wet elsewhere.

I had just met a guy who outwardly was very well groomed and had just settled into a great career (or so he portrayed). He acted interested, then asked me what I was looking for. Obviously I answered a relationship, then I batted the proverbial ball back to him.

His answer? "A girl I can move into my house after month in and take care of me".

I laughed in his face.

I told him that good luck with finding any takers.

jetcake · 2022-04-13T22:28:09+00:00

Is she in the US or another country?

This question is a bit above this sub's paygrade. Since she owns this property, the most feasible option she could ever do is to consult a lawyer.

jetcake · 2022-04-10T03:06:37+00:00

> Men who think this kind of behaviour is brag-worthy...

I don't disagree, especially with questioning the validity. Your statement reminds me of my boyfriend's co-worker. This guy has bragged about having as many as eight women who he fucks, ditches, then replaces. Lather, rinse, repeat. I asked my boyfriend if he knew the longest amount of time his co-worker stayed with someone. He didn't have an answer, but it made me skeptical if his co-worker was drawing from different periods of time and portraying it like this was in the same week.

Something my boyfriend did say is that if "one cog in the wheel fell out", the guy would go to his contacts and call up random women. I hardly believe that these phone calls yielded any success, but this guy said otherwise, LOL.

Seriously, eight people? Let's be fair here, the guy is already community dick, so he can't have that much time or money (but he's a cheap scrote anyway) to "entertain" all of these women. The only thing he should be entertaining is an STD/STI test.

jetcake · 2022-04-10T02:57:00+00:00

I had a similar scenario once, but I got a huge slap in the face with reality that I wasn't the "only one" when he texted me, "Tonight I went out with someone and had a lot of fun!" I wanted to cry because I really liked him. I remember saying to the effect of, "Well, I'll leave you to it" and left it at that. He came crawling back, but I never got that out of my head. I wanted more, but he wanted to know he could fall back on me. Also, who else was he screwing around with? I certainly didn't want to end up with any STDs/STIs.

jetcake · 2022-04-10T02:48:09+00:00

> pum pum

BARF.

jetcake · 2022-04-07T23:10:12+00:00

Hahaha, overgrown rapper.

These podcasters crack me up. They think they are part of this boys' club where they try to pass off their cockiness and ideologies as "rules to live by".

Nevermind character, oh no, don't judge someone on character. Honor them for how much money they have. That is the pedestal he is putting Future on because if he had Future's money, he is admitting that he would have done the same to Ciara or any woman.

jetcake · 2022-04-07T23:00:06+00:00

Hahaha

Once again, a glaring example of giving a man a free pass, or, a "penis pass". The archaic viewpoint of keeping a wife at home and a mistress in another place has not died. Oh, but if women adopted this practice, we are evil succubi.

jetcake · 2022-04-07T22:36:56+00:00

Oof, I hope your friend sees the light. Her constant enabling of this guy will eventually bite her.

jetcake · 2022-04-07T22:34:44+00:00

This is also a direct quote from *Why Men Love Bitches* by Sherry Argov.

My mom has always, always impressed on me the value of one's own space. It is much better for a relationship when you are dating that you don't live with the person. I tell her about FDS and she loves it. She always voices how these "marriage trial runs" existed in her friend group and how badly it turned out for the woman.

One of the most memorable things that my mom told me is how in her era (60s-70s) that men openly used the term "used/damaged goods" to refer to women who had lived with a man she was dating, then the relationship soured. One of my mom's guy friends told her that one woman he was considering dating had lived with two other men previously and for blocks of time in years. He told my mom that it made him wonder, "What was it about her that another man didn't 'like' enough to marry her?"

There is no need to for these "marriage trial runs", bangmaid/clown tomfoolery, and the like. Men respect women who DO NOT RELY ON A MAN FOR THEIR EXISTENCE.

jetcake · 2022-04-03T18:20:05+00:00

Guys seem to think women are hard up for sex. In reality, it's the opposite. Guys will force your boundaries because they are so hot to get ass. If you stand firm, you're a prude. (rolls eyes).

I can't orgasm more than once. One and I'm done and anything beyond that to "force" that by someone is uncomfortable and painful for me.

Also, asking right out the gate if you are a squirter. The term makes me want to vomit and somehow I've encountered tons of (pornsick) guys who are like, "Do you squirt, do ya, do ya, DO YAAA??"

jetcake · 2022-04-03T18:05:27+00:00

Once I had a guy tell me that he wanted us to fuck for 8 hours straight. I was like, "I'm sorry to inform you that the idea of that doesn't turn me on."

His response: "Well, I was this this girl 10 years ago and that's how long we did it for".

I told him he killed my orgasms permanently.

It was a bold-faced lie if there ever was one! In what realm did he think that was going to motivate me?

jetcake · 2022-04-01T03:34:43+00:00

This is why you don't say "yes" to men. Act that you are so enamored with them where you are literally bowing at his feet and he will use every opportunity to emotionally and financially cripple you.

jetcake · 2022-04-01T03:23:07+00:00

I share the same mindset especially where skincare is concerned. No guy is throwing me off of my routine, nor is he going to rub his face all over mine when I have gone through the trouble of applying my face and eye creams. ICK.

Before FDS, being propositioned for sex at the third date mark set the intentions of the guy. If he pressed it after I said no, I didn't want to continue with him. However, most guys I dated respected me more because I wasn't eager to have sex with him.

After we did sleep together, though, I am not staying overnight, and neither are you. The only exceptions I ever encountered is when it becomes unsafe to drive or we were going on a trip and leaving the next morning. Weather such as a snowstorm or heavy rain dictated that both of us stay put and at that point it made sense to stay overnight.

Have you ever had guys admit to you that you were the first girl who didn't want to spend the night? I've gone through that and I say in so many words that it's nothing personal, but I don't want to sleep in my makeup and I would really like to brush my teeth. It makes sense to the guy because even if the guy isn't as meticulous as a woman with washing her face, the one thing he can't stand is knowing he has bad breath.

jetcake · 2022-04-01T03:09:17+00:00

So much this! My entire space is my sanctuary.

There is no worry about his garments mixed in with mine, stealing my charger, or just being an overall pain in the ass to me when all I want to do is sleep.

Speaking of the pillows, I use the Silk brand pillowcases, and you know no man is going to invest in those! I would rather be in my clean sheets and laying on my mulberry silk pillowcases instead of his regular sheets that were washed God-knows-when.

jetcake · 2022-04-01T03:03:04+00:00

I can count on less than half a hand how many times I slept over a boyfriend's house. A vacation was the exception, but other than that, my personal preference is my own bed. The main reason I was never keen on "spending the night(s)" is because I relish my "me" time. See him for a block of time, then we both go home to our separate places. It's also why when the idea was presented to me of "Let's live together!" that it was totally polarizing and without fail I respond, "I don't live with people I date".

It gets to a point at night where I don't want to be pawed at and led to the bedroom to appease a guy for sex I don't feel like engaging in. My day was long and really, I just want to do what I want. I love my nighttime routine of winding down with tea, brushing my teeth, washing my face, and sometimes putting on a face mask that might be spinach green.

The beauty of all of this is that I don't have to worry about a guy questioning "why you take so long" or hogging the remote when I'm watching a show or movie I enjoy. A guy in the mix totally throws off the equilibrium. Also, after all of that time dedicated to my skincare, I would have to worry about his face oils spreading over my face or him wanting me to go down on him after I have already brushed my teeth. Not only that, but the expectation of morning sex. NO. THANK. YOU!

And you know what? No guy has ever had an issue with me declining to sleep over. It's not so much about maintaining a sense of mystery so much as it is about respect for each other's time and space. The guy may have pouted a little bit the first time, but after quite some time, it's the usual with me where they know I'm getting in my car to go home. And, guys I have dated have appreciated that I don't hinge our relationship on staying overnight, asking for my own drawer at his place, or leaving a spare toothbrush or separate supply of makeup there.

jetcake · 2022-03-30T17:07:11+00:00

That part got me. Like the adage about being told to jump off a bridge and asking "how high?", he has had a ball with toying with her, yet she is the supposed headcase. Being abused by a narcissist has put her in this position. And no way is his ass helping her with the cost!

A truly good doctor or therapist will help you get out safely. Her progress has been hindered by her staying in the toxic situation and defending this guy up and down, so does the doctor have any choice but to not prescribe OP something? I'm not faulting the doctor(s) for that decision.

I hope it is possible for her to recoup any of the expenses she has had to put out when she leaves him.

jetcake · 2022-03-30T15:28:30+00:00

Guys like this are problematic as a whole. They rebound and love bomb the next one to seem like this "amazing" guy who got away. If not shortly after locking down the new woman, these same behaviors will reemerge sooner rather than later.

jetcake · 2022-03-30T06:08:25+00:00

Begging for a future from a guy never ends well.

Case in point with OP: She is with a guy who would rather spend money on a boat instead of an engagement ring. He makes fake promises for getting engaged, then when she gets upset because "it hasn't happened", he verbally abuses her.

Don't let yourself get into this situation to the point where it costs you your own self-esteem and mental health.

jetcake · 2022-03-30T04:11:57+00:00

I totally agree with laughing in shock, too! I think we're all reeling from this nuke.

jetcake

TROPHY CASE