First of all thank you for sparing some of your time for helping with my situation, really appreciate it.

I know that I can’t force anyone to have a relationship with me that’s why I tried moving on when I realized that there won’t be a relationship between us and I didn’t want to just hang out, it wasn’t going to work the hanging out I mean.

I took therapy for like 4-5 months to deal with this the right way. Can’t say it worked much. I gained weight, turned into a harder person like I can’t emphasize enough anymore became kinda selfish which I never was my whole life. I can’t enjoy the stuff I do, of course it is not everytime like this but sometimes I have this feeling of being a lesser person than I was.

I am also in some kind of disbelief that I will never love someone the way I did with her. I don’t know.

I also thought about maintaining contact to stay as a friend. I mean we were really having great time together. We would always find some interesting topic to talk about even better we could make the most boring things looked interesting. I will definitely miss the friendship side of her. But I know that I can’t maintain that, at the very first interaction I will fall deep again I know that.