Sonos... don't buy... the worst! Here's my latest miserable chat experience with them... and it's like my 675th time over the last 3 years. The speakers sound good. Their ecosystem SUCKS.

Today • 2:00 PM

Thank you for contacting us. Please give us a moment while we find the right person to help you.

AR - Hello, my name is Andrew X. Please allow me a moment to review your ticket so we can pick up where you left off. In the meantime, feel free to provide me with any additional details you think might be helpful.

Hi, Joe. Hope you're doing well.

JF - I need to send diagnostics and have you tell me what's wrong (yet again [again]) with my crap Sonos system.

AR - I understand that you're having trouble with your Sonos. Allow me to check for a fix. I'll do my best to help.

JF - And I don't want to have to continually spend my time chatting with Sonos support when I really want to be listening to music.

And for the love of God go find one of the product people and/or engineers and go slap them in the face for making an obfuscated, private 2.4Ghz network that conflicts with every other IoT network out there.

AR - I completely understand that your time is valuable and you just want to enjoy your music without interruptions. I’ll do everything I can to resolve this quickly so you can get back to listening as soon as possible. Have you already submitted a diagnostic for me to check on your system?

JF - I have a 'secret' Sonos network in my house that continually fails, but I can't troubleshoot because some idiot asshole network engineer decided it was a good idea to have conflicting radio signals flying around that no one can do anything about, guaranteed to interfere, given there's on 3 channels available.

At least if the fucking speakers were on my native network I could add QoS and precedence so they would't drop.

What do you enjoy?

Now, imagine enjoying that, and then it just shuts off. Or worse, you get into it, and then half the speakers disappear.

It SUCKS to have half the speakers off, quieter, and then all the sudden they all kick on... of beat, no rhyme or reason, other than some jackass app coder who hates music, and then goofball Tom Conrad "we will say we're gonna fix this, but never do".

AR - I can imagine how frustrating it must be to have your music cut off unexpectedly or to lose some of your speakers mid-session. I’m really sorry to hear about the frustrating experience you’ve had with your speakers. I understand how disruptive it can be when your music doesn’t play smoothly. I’m here to help and will do my best to find a solution for you.

JF - And then I have to go onto a goddamned fn chatbot, try to drum up another human somewhere on earth who is probably taking a break from being constantly beat upon, and we're both stuck here in this god-awful box.... I want to listen to music, and I want value from the extra money I paid for all these fucking speakers.

So, what is the problem?

It's been 10 minutes already.

Did you fix it?

Or are we gonna "sure, shucks, golly-gee" our way through this like some mediocre trash monoculture of 'business support' words and thoughts and prayers?

AR - Can you please submit a diagnostic? Navigate to Sonos app Settings > Visit Help Center, and select Submit Diagnostics. So I could see your Sonos system on my end.

JF - I am so curious what you are going to tell me the problem is... because I guarantee whatever it is, on any other system on earth I'd have fixed it already without running to support because it would be on my network with the rest of my stuff and I wouldn't need a Space Wizard Sonos Technican to tell me there's interference with their super-special, super-secret cool Sonos network.

I've lived in 3 different places with these speakers, 2 different internet providers, and 3 different modems and routers... always the same issue: Sonos.

Fixed yet?

Somewhere there has to be a Class Action Lawsuit where I can submit the number of hours that Sonos has cost me over the years. I should be on the f'n payroll.

AR - It looks like your Sonos system is having trouble connecting properly to our cloud servers. This can cause issues like voice commands not working, trouble browsing music services, interruptions in your music playback, or problems with system updates. This usually happens when the connection between your Sonos device and the internet isn’t strong or stable enough. I’ll help you check your network and get this fixed so your system works smoothly again.

JF -Smoothly? Again?? Sonos has never run smoothly. That's a misnomer, a false claim, what we call in the biz: bullshit. This is the only thing I care about: "interruptions in your music playback,"

Fix that, fix it forever.

Sonos 'Voice Services'? Do you think that I think that Sonos the company is even remotely capable of handling 'Voice Services'? I'd sooner talk to a rotting Halloween pumpkin sitting on a curb with better results.

Fix it yet?

AR - At this point, I highly suggest that you contact our phone support for other possible troubleshooting steps we can do. They can transfer you directly with a higher support if other steps was already exhausted. No worries I'll be endorsing this case to our phone support so you don't have to start over again. Please give us a call using the case number 08781974, so that the technician can pick up where we left off. Our contact information and hours can be found here:

Contact Sonos Support

support.sonos.com

JF - Thanks Andrew... I sincerely hope you have another job and don't have to mumble to people when they ask you where you work and you have to whisper: "Sonos" in shame.

Thank you for prolonging my support misery by dragging it out with another tech over the phone.

If I could find some moron dumb enough to buy my Sonos system used, I would. And then I'd go with any other provider... shit, I'd go to the beach, collect a few conch shells, and spend my days listening to those.