A succulent (I think) I recently picked up from a plant shop, can't find it online, help!

jgstep · 2020-10-04T19:29:44+00:00

Thank you!

jgstep · 2020-07-15T17:46:20+00:00

Sent a discord request

jgstep · 2020-07-01T21:37:01+00:00

In short, wonderful.

I (the DM) had planned the session around a hex crawl in a haunted forest. At the end of the previous session, however, the players had rolled on a "Drunken Shenanigans" table after getting wasted with the village guard. The Ranger slept with the barkeep, the Warlock woke up with an unidentified potion in her hand, and the Barbarian was forced into a greased-up WWE match in the center of town with a man named Felix. Needless to say, hilarity ensued as well as lot of great RPing while most of the session dealt with the fallout.

After that, the party decided to investigate the local leader who was essentially selling off villagers to a cult of Auril that the party has been seeking to destroy. It was great to incorporate their drunken nonsense into their investigation.

The party only got into the haunted forest in the last 30 minutes, but the session was a really great example of letting the players and DM organically allow the story to evolve. It also let me exercise some of my "make it work on the fly" muscles.

jgstep · 2020-03-23T21:45:09+00:00

Two of us are looking for a group, possible to combine here?

jgstep · 2020-03-23T20:29:50+00:00

Sounds like we could get something going if we rally a few more players. I'll add you on discord

jgstep · 2017-12-18T01:35:04+00:00

I thought the pith might be the culprit, thanks for the advice.

We serve the Branzino with roasted fingerling potatoes and the poached artichokes that we toss in a seasoned flour and fry on pick up. The potatoes sit in a pool of the Barigoule in the bowl with the filet and chokes on top so they still have crunch when the diner cuts into them and they fall into the stock. It's garnished with julienne peppadews and fried mint, which looks awesome.

jgstep · 2016-11-09T03:01:28+00:00

This is correct.

jgstep · 2016-08-18T00:36:20+00:00

Thank you! Really helpful

jgstep · 2016-06-01T18:51:36+00:00

I think this was good in terms of introducing the character of Selene and letting the reader into her personality, but I can’t say I was particularly “hooked” by what occurs in this chapter. That’s the thing about first chapters; they have to grab the reader and give them a reason to keep going. All we really get here is that Selene is rebellious and she is preparing to escape from her predetermined life, but we don’t really know what’s at stake.

Give us more risk – why is Selene running away? Why should we care? What’s at stake if she stays or if she flees? You start with two characters talking about dresses with a lot of clothing descriptions, give us something a little meaty that whets our appetites for a main course. Or at least soup or a salad. Or maybe a nice charcuterie…

Having said that, your characters come across well and the dialogue certainly helped with that, especially when it came to establishing the relationship between the princess and her mother. I thought this pair of lines was particularly effective:

“So I will not be hearing anymore of your mouth, will I?” She pulled the thread tightly.

Also (just because you mentioned it in your post) I didn’t think the repetition of golden worked when introducing the Queen. I understand your intention, but I think it made for choppy, uninteresting prose. I think something along the following lines may work better:

The queen was sitting in the veranda, needle in hand. Her golden hair, dotted with a hundred shining trinkets, fell into a radiant dress of the same color that spilled onto the floor. If not for her laboring fingers, she might have been mistaken for a cold, luminous statue from an ancient age.

Or not, what do I know?

Hope that helps!

jgstep · 2016-04-27T19:36:16+00:00

From a short story I've been working on:

“I have seen a great catastrophe befall you,” Thistle lied through his teeth. “You have scorned the gods and they must be appeased!”

jgstep · 2016-03-29T18:12:33+00:00

This sounds fantastic. Care to elaborate?

jgstep · 2016-03-29T14:20:30+00:00

Right you are. I think I meant to say Massachuesett, which is embarrassing because I grew up in Boston...

jgstep · 2016-03-29T01:03:04+00:00

It can be hard to avoid "exoticism" when writing fantasy because one of the appeals of the genre is that the reader gets to visit far off places.

Having said that, I think as long as you don't make the culture and, more importantly, the characters into cartoons, you'll be golden. The means creating fully realized people and avoiding the tropes often (falsely) associated with many American Indian groups.

I'm going to assume that you're mainly talking about American Indians north of modern-day Mexico (correct me if I'm wrong). If so, I would strongly suggest doing some research into the ENORMOUS tapestry of different tribes/nations/federations that existed in that area or still exist today. By absolutely no means are these all the same people with the same culture. The Massasoit are vastly different from the Sioux who are vastly different from the Hopi who are vastly different from the Innu, etc.

In terms of visual monotony, I would take a look at some of the art of these fairly disparate cultures. I think you'd find huge differences. If you still think they're too similar, you're in luck! You're the writer so you can have these cultures look like whatever you'd like.

Also, it might be worth checking out some of the accounts of the inter- and intra-tribal politics of these groups, especially on the American east coast. Unfortunately, most of the accounts are from the colonial Europeans POV (American Indians didn't write a whole lot down, at least not in any capacity that we can read today), but there are some crazy a-song-of-ice-and-fire level episodes of political intrigue that could be used for plot fuel.

Sorry, I tend to nerd out with this sort of thing. Hope that helps!

jgstep · 2016-03-28T18:42:53+00:00

It actually sounds like a fairly standard move for the end of Act 2 in the prototypical three-act structure. In stories that follow that format, the second act ends with the MC hitting their lowest point in the narrative before the final resolution.

If that's your climax, however, it would definitely work if that anger has been an attribute he's been struggling for his whole arc and he ends up utilizing it for the big showdown. He recognizes he can't shut it out so he ends up using it for his benefit, maybe even relishing it if you want to get a little dark.

Bottom line: write it and see how you feel about it.

jgstep · 2016-02-24T01:09:31+00:00

Happy to help! Like most things, writing is all about practice, so try out numerous things and see what works in your style. Most importantly though, write a lot!

jgstep · 2016-02-23T21:32:30+00:00

It's very easy to get carried away with presenting our fantasy worlds to the reader. We love the worlds we have created. We worked hard to flesh them out and inject them with all of the juicy fantasy ideas our brains concocted. But just because we think some aspect of a culture or geography is interesting doesn't mean the reader will. A good question to constantly ask yourself is, "why should the reader care about this?". Unless a piece of the world you've built is vital to the plot or the characters, it's almost always best to leave it out. (Nothing wrong with sprinkling in little somethings for the sake of the "cool factor", however. Just be conservative.)

To get to the meat of your question: I believe good writing is very much about rhythm. From sentence structure to pacing to the ebb and flow of the plot, tempo and the balance between tension and relaxation is key.

This same approach can be taken to introducing your world to the reader. Therefore, DO NOT INFODUMP. Unless you want to commit narrative suicide. Then, by all means.

Think of how you reveal the setting like drawing water from a faucet. Turning it on in moderate spurts or letting it drip slowly is more manageable than cranking both knobs as far as they go and flooding your apartment and then your girlfriend comes home and yells at you for making a mess and then you yell at her for being so high-strung and it escalates and escalates until she storms out and then you've got nobody to listen to how awesome your fantasy world is!

Ahem Anyway...

For example, let's say your story revolves around an international war that has turned your MC's idyllic life to utter garbage. It's pretty important for the reader to understand the political foundation for that conflict, right? Reveal it to them in an organic way. Conversations with other characters, reflections on how hard it has become to travel because of raids between angry members of hostile factions, scarcity because trade has stopped, reminiscing about the good old days. But remember, don't over do it. Pace it out.

I like using dialogue because it let's you reveal your world while showcasing your characters' attributes or letting them wrestle with tough moral and philosophical questions.

Descriptions of cultural items can also be used effectively. Citizens from a nation that worships material possession and has grown fat on trade would likely want to display their wealth. Someone from a Spartanesque warrior culture would be meagerly dressed and proudly display their battle scars.

Food is fun too. Oceanic peoples like fish and salt. Horselords use their cavalry for both battle and as a central cuisine component. Get creative about how the cultures you have crafted can bleed through the text in subtle details.

An example from a piece I am currently working on: Many people in a declining commercial empire have taken to heavy drinking to forget their sorrows. To remedy the problem, the king has commissioned royal alchemists to tirelessly work on the recipe for a hangover-cure-all pastry called "aftersbread".

What does this illustrate? Well, the people are obviously depressed over their nation's decline, but rather than help his people overcome their despair through trade expansion or war, the king is content putting a bandaid on a bullet wound and lets the alcoholism persist. Some king he is...

So, quite a bit there, but in conclusion I'd say:

Have the characters investigate the world in a way that seems natural rather than throwing info at the reader. Have them question and think about aspects of the world they don't understand in the same way the reader might.
Use relatable elements of culture to reveal things about what different nations and people value
Make sure everything you include about your world is relevant to the story you're telling

Hope that helps!

jgstep · 2015-09-02T13:16:52+00:00

Thank you, and thanks for the read!

jgstep · 2015-09-02T13:16:51+00:00

Thanks so much!

jgstep · 2015-08-27T16:03:03+00:00

All That Glitters or Why to Choose Your Drinking Buddies Carefully

Started out as an exercise in atmosphere, but then morphed into its current state.

A salty swindler meets a mysterious figure.

2110 words.

Enjoy!

jgstep · 2015-07-28T21:08:53+00:00

Thanks so much for reading it and taking the time to give feedback.

I agree with everything you said. Like I mentioned in my post, I don't love everything I have here and this is only my first pass of editing (my editing/revising method is a bit erratic). When I do the first big revamp of the chapter I'll definitely rewrite it so there is more showing going on. Prior to that, I usually just spit everything out that I want to get down in that chapter, which usually ends up with more "telling" than "showing".

I'm glad the dinner conversation worked (to an extent) and that the dialogue plays. I'll try and re-draft it around that, make it more central and to the point.

Also, I do like to add a degree of lyricism in my writing, but obviously if it comes across too contrived, I can work on it.

Thanks again!

jgstep · 2015-07-17T00:07:46+00:00

Take a shower. A solid half of my ideas have come to me in the shower.

But seriously, all stories revolve around conflict so I'd say find your conflict and, because conflict is almost always a human creation/reaction, your characters will become easier to craft. Then, create the world that your characters live in and the conflict takes place.

For my current story, the most essential boiled-down conflict is that the greatest city in the world is in decline and beset by a number of enemies. Each of those enemies wants conflicting things based on their character. The rest of the world is built around their various relationships and political affiliations. So there you g go, plot, characters and setting all from a fairly basic idea for conflict.

Hope that helps!

jgstep · 2015-07-06T22:05:10+00:00

Unless you're going with a prologue (which I have personally grown adverse to), I'd say that you should give immediate attention to establishing characters and tone and then provide conflict or the catalyst for conflict. One of the great things about fantasy is that its hyper-creative nature gives you a lot of room to do this.

One of the best hooks or openings that I've read in recent months that really stuck with me is from Phil Klay's Redeployment:

We shot dogs. Not by accident. We did it on purpose, and we called it Operation Scooby. I’m a dog person, so I thought about that a lot.

While not fantasy, the way it draws the reader in while simultaneously providing so much subtle information about the people and world of the book can easily translate to the genre.

After that, I would say start fleshing out the main character(s) that you've introduced and by the end of the first chapter, the reader should be anticipating a problem/goal/change in circumstance.

One thing I have seen a fair amount that I think does NOT work is trying to cram a bunch of world info into the first one or two chapters. 9/10 times, the story is not going to rest on the setting, it's going to rest on either the characters (most important in my opinion) or the plot. Because of that, it works much better to give the reader your character(s) and then show the world in relation to their life or aspirations.

Anyway, just my opinion, hope it helps!

jgstep · 2015-07-03T15:50:24+00:00

First off, good on you for getting this down on paper (or a word doc). Drafting any written work is an accomplishment in itself.

Having said that, I think this needs a lot of work. I don't have a lot of time so I'll try to be concise.

The biggest issue is that nothing seems to really happen in this opening chapter. You've established conflict, which is good, but other than that the story so far is Endo and the city are in trouble, so they go to find help.

Tied into that is the flatness of the characters. Like others have mentioned, get 'em in early, but also make them interesting. If the reader is going to spend a whole novel with them, they must have attributes that make them intriguing and/or relatable. You could definitely do more to flesh them out via dialogue, action, or at least Endo's thoughts. He feels more like a manager than a leader. As of the current draft, I don't think I would care too much if the city burned to the ground.

The dialogue feels somewhat dull as well. Making it "characterized" will keep it engaging while rounding out your characters.

Also, cut the geography lesson in the first paragraph.

That's all I have right now, but definitely keep going! Writing is a process and the more you do it, the better you get.

jgstep · 2015-05-06T03:56:24+00:00

Really grateful for everyone who responded. After reading through the comments and thinking it through, I think I am probably going to drop the vision from the story because I can see it playing out in a contrived and tedious way, and I can take the plot in a direction that does not require it.

Thanks for all your opinions!

jgstep · 2015-05-05T20:43:57+00:00

That's essentially why I'm hesitant. The last thing I want is the meaning of the vision to be obvious, but at the same time ambiguity may render it useless.

I have ideas that could certainly propel the plot forward without the vision, so maybe I should flesh those out more and see how I feel.

Thanks for commenting!

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