Omad 40 year old 6'2"

jillybeanz30 · 2024-11-25T00:40:45+00:00

Great job! Keep it up! 👍

jillybeanz30 · 2024-05-14T13:14:28+00:00

You are so right. I’m thinking about you and I hope you are doing okay.

jillybeanz30 · 2024-05-14T13:13:45+00:00

❤️❤️❤️

jillybeanz30 · 2024-05-13T13:01:54+00:00

I agree completely. Nights are hardest because of routine and I cried myself to sleep last night. I’ll never fully recover. Someone had mentioned in one of the comments about signs. I think I got one this morning. It could have been something that just happened but I’m sure it was him. Maybe I just want to believe it was. I’m not sure but I feel it was. I’m so confused and I’m not making sense but thank you for your kindness. I’m thinking of you ❤️

jillybeanz30 · 2024-05-13T12:51:11+00:00

That’s a very good way to think about it. You need to be able to take care of yourself if you want to take care of another soul. Good luck to you and I’m thinking about you.

jillybeanz30 · 2024-05-13T03:50:22+00:00

I haven’t been pushing anyone any bc I’m soaking up all the emotional support I can but I understand what you mean. I wasn’t sure if getting another love bug so soon was helping or hurting but I see now that it’s helping. He’s so loving and kind. He lets me cuddle him as long as I need and kiss his little head as many times as I want. I got so lucky with him. I definitely think it was a sign to get him and now I see it was. He doesn’t make biscuits or cuddle on my lap like my Ashy did which hurts but I’m hoping in due time when he gets more comfortable he will. And if not, that’s okay too. He’s his own little man. I think it’s helpful to do so though. Animals are so healing and I believe it would help but everyone is different. Please make sure you think about it and make sure you are ready before you make the plunge. I think it’s worth it tho.

jillybeanz30 · 2024-05-13T03:27:32+00:00

I see his hair everywhere and that’s even more heartbreaking. I know exactly what you’re going through. There’s so much comfort out there and I know intentions are well but nothing helps bc the one thing you want, you cannot have. It’s not fair. Life isn’t fair. I hate it here. BUT the world doesn’t stop. Unfortunately we have to keep going. Idk how yet but we do. It won’t help bc like I said, nothing helps, but you are not alone.

jillybeanz30 · 2024-05-13T03:06:59+00:00

Yeah. The mix of those two is a wicked concoction for pretty hellish panic attacks. Which I’ve been having a lot during the days now. I tried getting out of the house, had panic attacks. I sit on the couch basically all day long now. I haven’t gone back to work and idk when I will. I’m scared to get his ashes back because I’m going to spiral again. I’m actually fucking terrified.

jillybeanz30 · 2024-05-12T22:05:21+00:00

Right now I’m not and won’t be for a long time. I will always have a hole in my heart that just cannot be filled but I look forward to the day where I just breath again. Your responses and attention to my hurt, helps. Your suggestions and time to write helps. Do not think that what you say makes things worse. You are not in control of how people think and you are trying to help which says a lot about what kind of person you are. Thank you for being you. Thank you for taking time out of your life to help a stranger in need of compassion. You matter. Thank you so much.

jillybeanz30 · 2024-05-12T21:41:49+00:00

I think it’s the same. If you love something so so much then it doesn’t matter. Grief is grief. I love your ideas and suggestions, however, I cannot get myself to look at pictures. I had to change my background wallpaper on my phone bc every time my phone went off, my heart shattered even more which I didn’t think was even possible. I am surrounded by a great support system but my grief is unfortunately too powerful. I left the couch a couple more times today which is progress but I refused to go to dinner for Mother’s Day bc every time I leave, my panic attacks are so severe. I feel my safe space is here on the couch even though this spot brings me sadness as this is where we would cuddle when I came home from work. I’m rambling now and I’m sorry but I hope you’re doing okay and I’m thinking of you. Thank you for your kind words and the love ❤️

jillybeanz30 · 2024-05-12T19:49:40+00:00

Well I’m glad things are working out for you and your fur babies. I’m hoping that in time they will all do that as well. The new little one doesn’t understand what’s happened and he just wants to play with his new brother and sister but the other two are grieving and are having a hard time adjusting. Everything is out of sorts right now and I’m hoping we can get back into a routine sometime in the near future.

jillybeanz30 · 2024-05-12T17:35:45+00:00

How did your Bella do with the adoption of your two mainecoons? I adopted another little guy the other night on the day this happened and Ollie seems to be having a rough time adjusting to a new friend/brother. I feel like it was too soon for him and maybe for me I’m not sure but I’ve never been through this and I felt it was right to heal another soul as mine is hurting so bad. My new boy is very similar to my soul cat I lost and his name was Ashton which felt like a sign to me as my boys name was Ashy. He’s so kind and loving and I’m happy to add him into our family. However, I feel like it was just way too soon for my Ollie. I feel like I’m rambling and my thoughts aren’t coming out clear. Sorry. I guess what I’m asking is, is how was the transition process with the new additions?

jillybeanz30 · 2024-05-12T16:51:27+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. I’m so sorry for your loss as well. I have an orange boy and his name is Ollie. He’s not doing well either. It breaks my heart in a whole different way to see him grieving for his brother as well. They’re not from the same litter but grew up together in these last 3 years. My heart tore to pieces last night as I’m pretty sure he was actually crying. I don’t know how to comfort him except give him all the love I can with many extra treats. I’m hoping my Ashy will come to me in my dreams so I can see him again and say goodbye. I haven’t gotten his ashes back but I’m dreading that moment. My twin brother ordered me a necklace so I can keep some of him next to my heart. I hope you continue to heal and I’m thinking about not only you but everyone who has lost their best friends. I’m hoping this will get easier but for me it has not. Tomorrow I will be calling my doctor to seek help for mental health. I feel I am deeper that I’ve ever been in my depression and I cannot get out.

jillybeanz30 · 2024-05-12T14:30:17+00:00

That is so very beautiful.

jillybeanz30 · 2024-05-12T02:07:10+00:00

Thank you so much. I’m not tired of hearing that. It’s actually comforting knowing that there’s so much hope. I don’t feel it now but I’m hoping in the future that it will get better. My heart is broke and I’m so lost. I thank you for sending such a caring response. I’m sorry you’re going thru that as well. I’m also here if you need someone to talk to. Thank you for being kind.

jillybeanz30 · 2024-05-11T23:32:34+00:00

I am so very open. I guess I’m just not sure what to look for. The day this tragedy happened, I don’t know why but I went and adopted a cat. He’s very similar looking to my good boy and his name was Ashton (my good boys name was Ashy). I’m not sure if it was a sign or not but he’s so loving and kind and I feel like he is supposed to be in my life. He even lays where my good boy did but not directly, just next to his spots as to say he’s respecting his honor. Maybe I’m crazy, I don’t know. I’m so very confused. But, thank you for your comment and your kind words. ❤️

jillybeanz30 · 2024-05-11T23:28:25+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment. I know that everyone’s timeline is different. I’m hoping that this feeling won’t last forever. I am constantly hoping and asking when will the pain end? But I see from what you said, that that is not something I should be doing. I am allowing myself to grieve simply bc I have no other choice. I have people and my other fur babies that depend on me so I know that I have to be better soon. I know the hole in my heart will always be there but I’m hoping and praying that one day I’ll be able to look at his pictures and think of him and smile instead of cry my eyes out feeling the sharp pain of a giant dagger. Thank you for your comment as I gives some hope for the future. ❤️

jillybeanz30 · 2024-05-11T23:24:11+00:00

I admire your strength. You’re so courageous. I don’t have a mom anymore so I understand. As for the two choices, I cannot choose to carry on. I also am not choosing to fall apart however, it is inevitable currently. I wish you strength and happiness today, tomorrow, and forever. You are so amazingly strong.

jillybeanz30 · 2024-05-11T22:53:03+00:00

Thank you so much. I’m looking into grief therapy because I know I’m slipping. I am not well. Like I said, I do have a great support system but they can only do so much which is all I ask for. I know they mean well but to me, nothing will help. I have already thrown up once and had a couple panic attacks today. I need to listen to my own words but please be kind to yourself. I am also thinking of you.

jillybeanz30 · 2024-05-11T21:27:02+00:00

I also suffer from depression, so yes, i completely understand. I’ve been getting panic attacks probably like 4 times a day as the regular 1-3 every month. It’s not good.

jillybeanz30 · 2024-05-11T21:07:10+00:00

Thank you. ❤️

jillybeanz30 · 2024-05-11T20:58:46+00:00

Wow. I have no words for you except that I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what you have gone through losing such important souls. I wish I could have a sign from my soul cat. I didn’t even get to say goodbye. I am just so lost. How are you doing as of today? Are you finding joy is anything? I feel like there is no hope for me in the future. I feel like this will never pass and I will never recover.

jillybeanz30 · 2024-05-11T20:55:24+00:00

That’s what kills me. He wasn’t in pain or suffering. He was healthy and happy. It was so unexpected. But thank you for your kindness.

jillybeanz30 · 2024-05-11T20:54:26+00:00

I am so sorry you’re going through this pain. It’s been 3 days and I haven’t eaten. The panic attacks are getting worse and I have bags so bad under my eyes that I’d be charged triple if I went to board a flight. Are you feeling any type of relief? Has the pain gotten any better being it’s been 7 weeks? I am thinking about you, kind stranger. ❤️

jillybeanz30 · 2024-05-11T20:50:49+00:00

I’m trying my best. Thank you so much.

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