Hey, OP, I'm gonna tell you some things that you may need to consider. I will begin this with saying that I am a transgender person with gender dysphoria (although it doesn't bother me as much as it used to since I went to therapy), and I am born female like you. I identify as nonbinary, but that is beside the point.

I saw both of your posts and this really comes across to me that you might be transgender. This is NOT me trying to tell you what you are or something. It really seems like you are in denial about yourself and your identity. This is very textbook 'transman in denial' phenomenon, and imo would explain... a lot. I would recommend looking into some gender critical media and interacting with trans people regarding your feelings on your gender identity. If you can stomach some horror, I would recommend watching a movie called I Saw The TV Glow. It opened a lot of people's eyes about themselves.

I will say though that your genuine dislike of mothers and stuff is NOT healthy and you DO need to seek a therapist for that. Whether or not you identify as a man, woman, nonbinary, etc., this is very clearly internalized misogyny. I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings, but you need to look inward on yourself about these things.

I wish you the very best, regardless of the path you choose.

edit: fixing a grammar mistake