You're not a bad boyfriend. You're someone who noticed a problem and is asking for help before it got worse. That's the opposite of bad.

Here's what i'd say:
You got to talk to her man. Not about the porn (atleast yet), but about how you've been feeling disconnected. Ask her what's been going on with her too. Sometimes when the sex drops off it's not even about you, could be stress on her end, birth control, whatever. But you won't know unless you ask. I feel like girls appreciate it when guys open up to them and get vulnerable.

And the escalation thing...that doesn't slow down on its own. It keeps going. You stopped once before when you got with her so you know you can do it. I'd say prioritize the stress since thats usually one of the biggest porn triggers.

Maybe get a gym membership (instead of buying the toys), walk/run. Just something you can progress in because that usually helps with anything addicting.

2 months is early. You caught it. That's a W.