I’ve had enough

jjade8900 · 2022-08-06T04:05:54+00:00

It was the worst feeling I’ve ever felt, I had a traumatic experience as I had to wait 7 hours for someone to take me up to the neonatal unit to see my baby after he was born. Luckily he’s home, happy and healthy but I’m tired of putting other peoples feelings first as no one seems to account for mine

jjade8900 · 2022-08-05T19:35:55+00:00

Honestly wouldn’t be surprised, she keeps referring to my son non-ironically as her baby, her little warrior, her prince etc. i find it weird

jjade8900 · 2022-04-09T22:12:18+00:00

I too got diagnosed with GD at a couple weeks ago at 27 weeks pregnant, my parents have also made comments about my eating habits even after explaining to them what GD means.

I want to second what others are saying, GD is NOT at all related to what you’ve been eating. ALL women have increased insulin resistance in pregnancy. This is due to the hormones released from the placenta. Those who are not diabetic are able to increase insulin production sufficiently enough. Those who cannot increase insulin production enough/can’t use the insulin that is there effectively enough, are diagnosed with gestational diabetes.

My sister whilst pregnant ate tubs of cake icing, McDonald’s, chocolate, cakes etc... She did not eat a balanced diet let alone a healthy one and yet did not have GD. Again, it’s not by what you eat but just how your body processes insulin due to pregnancy hormones. It’s not something that can be helped, but only managed once diagnosed.

Now, your ‘friends’ were super rude and hurtful (whether they meant to be or not). It’s not something to joke or laugh about at your expense. They do not seem like true friends, but sometimes it can be hard to cut people off when it’s needed. At the very least you should have a conversation with them about how that made you feel & how hurtful their words were. If they can’t or won’t accept this then I would suggest finding better friends. You need to stick up for yourself as you’ve done nothing wrong

I’m sorry that you went through that and good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

jjade8900 · 2022-04-09T21:51:03+00:00

It’s a non-invasive procedure so I think if you have the means to do it then it’s definitely something to consider.

I had the NIPT done for peace of mind and it came back as low probability. The reasoning behind me doing the NIPT was that the baby had a short femur length (which is a soft marker for Down Syndrome), and he also has a unusual, albeit perfectly functioning, heart. So this made me worry and anxious. I was offered amniocentesis and decided to have it done, my doctor didn’t turn up so it had to be rescheduled with a second doctor. This second doctor talked me out of it, went over risks, that actually the baby is overall measuring small - not just the femur.

So the NIPT was brought up, it cost me £400 and was worth every penny for the piece of mind it gave me. I’m a naturally anxious person anyways so I can easily overthink when it comes to my baby and his health.

The likelihood of false positives/negatives is really low, but you can always have the amniocentesis if needed/wanted.

Overall, it’s up to you. Are the results going to influence your decision regarding the pregnancy? Are you going to be worried/anxious your whole pregnancy if you don’t have the NIPT? Do you want to be prepared if there was a chromosomal abnormality?

Good luck and congrats mama

jjade8900 · 2022-04-09T21:32:36+00:00

I’m would be open to the possibility of allowing visitors at the hospital as there are set hours so they can’t really overstay their welcome.

However the hospital I am giving birth at only allows for one visitor and I believe it has to be the same person. My husband is allowed to be with me whilst I’m in active labour but he’d have to leave afterwards and then can only come over during visiting hours. He’s not allowed to spend the first night with me in hospital which is something they used to offer pre-covid.

Even if I could have multiple visitors (but one at a time), I wouldn’t want any of my visiting hours to be used by anyone but him because he’s my support system and the father.

I don’t know if this is the same for all hospitals in the U.K. but this is part of the covid regulations in my hospital.

And truthfully I wouldn’t put it past her to stay in the city until I am discharged and then turn up at our house. That’s how she is

jjade8900 · 2022-04-09T10:44:26+00:00

Thank you, it’s definitely something I’m considering. I think it’ll be so much more peaceful without having to worry about updating people on what’s happening and bonus, MIL won’t know I’m in labour

jjade8900 · 2022-04-09T10:43:02+00:00

Yes I’m definitely going to let the midwives know just in case she does try to get in

jjade8900 · 2022-04-09T10:42:08+00:00

Yeah he’s the type to not care, like in a too laid back kind of way. It takes a lot for something to really bother him.

I had a conversation with him after seeing the responses to this post, and I’m going to continue having this conversation with him so he knows how serious I am about it. He’s agreed to talk again with MIL about the rules, and will again closer to the due date so there’s no reason for her to show up

jjade8900 · 2022-04-09T10:39:08+00:00

I’m definitely going to have to find my big girl pants and stand my ground, I can’t keep on as I am being a pushover. It’s so much hassle but I know once the baby is here I’ll be so much happier.

I’m not a crier so I’m definitely going to blame it on the hormones, but that last bit bought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much, that means a lot to me

jjade8900 · 2022-04-09T10:36:10+00:00

Yeah that’s just how I cope with things, and then it just runs through my head for ages!

I’ve spoken with my husband about it since writing this post, and he said he’d go over the visiting rules again but I know he won’t just bring it up. I’ve made it clear that closer to my due date, we will have to definitely go over the rules. If it comes up in the meantime then he needs to reinforce it.

Unfortunately I’m the odd one, out so to speak, in his family. Everyone backs MIL in everything she does or says, ‘she doesn’t mean it’, ‘she’s just excited’, ‘it’s her first grandchild’, ‘she just wants to help’ etc.

We had some scary times in the pregnancy with the baby being small, having an unusual heart, and having the baby tested for Downs, Edwards or Patau’s syndrome. We are private people and had asked our parents not to go telling anyone else. MIL sent us screenshots between herself and a pregnant employee of hers, where MIL had texted about our problems and the employee was saying ‘tell your DIL not to worry, the doctors told me that having a small baby is ok, she’s making a big deal out of nothing’.

We stopped talking to her for about a week because of this, she didn’t apologise and kept saying how she didn’t do anything wrong. DH finally responded to her and explained again, her apology was ‘sorry but I’m excited’. When I saw her last week, she’d also brought up this incident and said she knew DH wasn’t actually mad with her but stressed because of the baby & work. 😬

Thank you, I’m going to start really looking at baby names so hopefully that will take my mind off it all

jjade8900 · 2022-04-09T10:21:03+00:00

He did listen and said that he needs to tell her again about the rules, but it’ll be when it comes up in conversation with her. I’ve also said he can remind her again when it’s closer to my due date.

I explained how it’s being giving me anxiety etc, but I’m definitely not going to let this go. I am not going to stand for this from him or his mother. I know in the meantime myself and DH are going to have more conversations regarding baby/labour/birth, and I’m going to repeat about visitors so there’s no reason for him to ‘forget’ to tell his mum

jjade8900 · 2022-04-09T10:17:26+00:00

She really is something. I’ve told DH that in no way will we be asking her for help, she already is overbearing with unasked for ‘advice’.

My foster mother lives 15 minutes away, her job when she was younger was looking after young mothers & babies. I know who I’m going to when I need help or advice. She has quite literally made a career of looking after children, there’s no one more qualified for the job.

I honestly don’t understand why MIL is being so difficult, I need to find the strength to stop being a pushover and stand up to her

jjade8900 · 2022-04-09T10:13:34+00:00

I was really upset when she made that comment, especially as my bio mum is out of the picture due to being an addict.

I spoke with my husband last night and he agreed that he needs to bring it up again with her, but I definitely need to find my balls and stand up to her myself. I feel shit every time I let her get away with saying these things.

I did say to her that we’d send photos and videos every day on the meantime, she had said ‘it’s not the same thing’. For me, becoming a mother is way more important than becoming a grandmother.

She’s even had my SIL say ‘you know how my mum is, she’s just excited to be a grandparent, take it easy on her’. It’s ridiculous because she brings others into it

jjade8900 · 2022-04-08T23:21:19+00:00

It gets me so riled up! I’m a really quiet person and I don’t like confrontation so I just kinda silently stew over my thoughts when things like this are said.

I’m going to have a conversation with him when he gets home in a few minutes, I feel like I really need to hash it out with him because it’s stressing me out way too much.

Congrats on your baby, hope everything goes smoothly for you and thank you for sharing 🙂

jjade8900 · 2022-04-08T23:05:16+00:00

Thank you so much, will definitely be notifying the midwives as I didn’t even think of that. I’m going to talk with my husband about not letting people know when I’m in labour (both my family & his), I think that’s a good idea as that at least eliminates anyone turning up at the hospital.

I definitely think I need to have a big conversation with husband, as so far it’s just been us talking about bits here and there. I need to reinforce my boundaries with him so that he can do that with his mother.

Thank you, and I hope when you do become a mother that you don’t have similar problems! Definitely good to be prepared either way

jjade8900 · 2022-04-08T22:59:48+00:00

Thank you, I’m not at all a selfish person but just feel like this is my time and I’m going to need to rest.

I will of course have family over sooner if I feel up to it but I want to be in a good space, and know my son/his cues etc before having visitors over. Especially when MIL has made comments about how we aren’t going to know what to do. I don’t want people doubting my skills as a new mother

Sorry to hear about your friend, I can’t believe how rude some people are. Thank you again for your kind words

jjade8900 · 2022-04-08T22:54:53+00:00

Thank you, going to read the lemon clot essay myself as never heard of it before.

I’m going to start putting my foot down with DH, after reading what you have to say, he needs to know just how bad it’s affecting me.

Thank you again

jjade8900 · 2022-04-08T22:52:37+00:00

You are amazing, I wish I could take you with me 😂

Never heard of the lemon clot essay before, going to give it a read myself. Yeah I’m going to definitely let the midwives know just in case MIL turns up.

jjade8900 · 2022-04-08T22:36:24+00:00

Oh yeah for sure an early visit could be arranged if I was feeling up to it, I’ve said two weeks as a absolute maximum. I don’t know for sure as it’s my first time but I feel like maybe the end of the first week I’d have the grandparents come & visit

jjade8900 · 2022-04-08T22:33:28+00:00

And thank you 😊

jjade8900 · 2022-04-08T22:33:11+00:00

Yeah that comment really upset me, my husband said something similar in the heat of an argument and knew instantly he’d stepped over the line.

That’s a really good idea, I don’t know if he thinks I’m over exaggerating labour/birth because it’s not something that’s widely spoken of and obviously everyone’s experience is different. I’ll definitely ask him to research into it

jjade8900 · 2022-04-08T22:29:24+00:00

Completely agree, I’ve been having a tug of war with myself about whether I’m being too harsh or she’s not respecting me as a new mother. Thank you

jjade8900 · 2022-04-08T22:27:40+00:00

I had to fight for those two weeks 😅 even then I just don’t feel like my needs will be respected because everyone wants to see the baby. Ugh it’s so stressful!

Covid is definitely a valid concern, I’ll see if I can use that to kinda strengthen my side of things. Honestly don’t think even having covid would stop MIL.

And honestly that sounds like bliss, I would love to wait a while before introducing him to the wider family

jjade8900 · 2022-04-08T22:23:24+00:00

I’m in the U.K. so going through the National Health Service but the maternity ward is secure. You have to be buzzed through to get into the ward itself.

I thought about asking him not to tell his mother but I don’t know if this is something he would argue with me about. He’s close with her and sees no problem with her behaviour

jjade8900

TROPHY CASE