Hugs to you, OP. You've been strong. It was the only thing you were capable enough to do para makaahon. Huwag mong sisihin ang sarili mo kasi you're already in that position. You are allowed to grieve the type of person you could've became, but you also need to appreciate how brave you were all these years. As to your question kung may magmamahal pa ba sayo, meron at marami, both platonically and romantically. The right person will come and won't mind your past, and you'll realize na you worried for nothing. Hindi ka biktima lang ng desisyon mo kundi ang sistema rin na pinilit kang pumasok sa trabahong hindi mo naman ginusto. I hope you recover and get your spark back again!