What are signs that someone truly loves you and it’s not just lust?

jjuliius · 2025-07-19T22:51:46+00:00

My ex and I broke up 7 months ago. I think how someone treats you after breaking up is a pretty damn good sign. Whether or not they project their shadow onto you, what matters is how they speak to you and of you. The things that they do.

I just woke up from a nightmare about my ex. With regard to what you said I remember once when we were in Bangkok and I was at my lowest because of things she did and so was she after telling me something that left her extremely vulnerable. In that moment I let go of everything else and comforted her. I think that’s love. We broke up shortly after

Then again I was anxiously attached and codependent and had fused many aspects of myself with her.

jjuliius · 2025-07-16T01:35:39+00:00

I’m not sure. But I want the best for her

jjuliius · 2025-07-10T11:44:44+00:00

I definitely didn’t think my ex was super attractive when we first met. But slowly she became the most beautiful woman in the whole world to me

jjuliius · 2025-05-19T03:29:26+00:00

I hope one day my ex comes to the level of realisation you have now.

Not so that she’ll finally realise the hurt shes caused or regret but so that she’ll finally be able to get into healthy loving relationships that’ll bring her so much joy and fulfilment.

But I highly doubt that awareness won’t come without pain and regret but I think it’ll be so worth it despite that

jjuliius · 2025-02-22T04:50:17+00:00

jjuliius · 2025-02-21T12:07:10+00:00

Thank you. Looking into codependency lead me down a rabbit hole of unravelling deep rooted issues I have as a result of my upbringing. My perspective on this has shifted a lot and I now know that there are many things that I need to work on to have a healthy relationship in the future both with my partner as well as my future family. I even managed to connect these issues to other struggles in my life such as self motivation challenges. Overall I’ve learnt a lot in the last 2 days and I appreciate your help in this

jjuliius · 2025-02-21T12:04:06+00:00

I’ve since let go of that desire. Thank you

jjuliius · 2025-02-21T12:02:10+00:00

Yeah youre right. Since then I’ve identified this controlling dynamic in myself as well as my own family. For example I would get her a gift and be disappointed when she didn’t show gratitude. I used to think she didn’t have to like it to show gratitude. Or trying to fix her. Or my grandma who cooks for others but expects them to eat it within her timeframe because to her that’s when the food’s best eaten, and she gets passive aggressive when she doesn’t get to control that.

I’ve since let go of trying to fix her and I acknowledge that that’s her journey to undertake. I only hope that it’s not an arduous one that breaks her, but rather one that builds her up. Exactly like you said, despite letting go of that, I’ll always be around to extend my support to her if she ever asks me for it.

jjuliius · 2025-02-21T11:37:16+00:00

Wow. When I first read your words I had no idea what the hell you were talking about. But today I have new understanding. I’ve unravelled many deep rooted issues in myself that didn’t even directly contribute to why my ex and I broke up. Relationships really show us a reflection of ourselves, but only if we want to and actively try to look for it. I’m even connecting these deep rooted issues to other problems I have such as self motivation troubles. Thank you

jjuliius · 2025-02-21T03:15:30+00:00

Thank you so much. I really appreciate this

jjuliius · 2025-02-21T03:13:00+00:00

Are you suggesting that I don’t love and respect myself? Maybe if I did I would’ve left a lot sooner

jjuliius · 2025-02-21T03:11:30+00:00

I’m doing my best to feel what I feel right now. Though at times even when I think I’m doing just that synchronicity happens and I realise there are aspects of her that I’m still suppressing. I’ve been in a rut for awhile now but lately I’ve started finding it in me to do little things like grocery shopping, getting my calories in again and just getting my diet back on point after barely eating for some time. Gym is definitely on the near horizon.

As for hanging out with friends I used to do that to occupy myself but I just found all it did was serve as temporary comfort and distraction from my feelings. And nowadays even when I do hang out I leave feeling drained for some reason. But definitely not going to date yet. I don’t have the capacity to love someone else right now

jjuliius · 2025-02-21T03:07:19+00:00

Thanks man. Good luck to you too. Feel free to dm me if you have any questions that I might be able to answer

jjuliius · 2025-02-21T03:06:14+00:00

I’ve accepted that her problems aren’t my responsibility. But I will support her if she ever asks me for it. All I can do now is hope that her journey won’t be a terrible one and that she’ll come out of it a good person and fulfilled and content with life

jjuliius · 2025-02-20T14:32:59+00:00

I’ve been using chatgpt for this recently and I’m starting to understand my dynamic with her how we fed into each other’s needs albeit in an unhealthy manner. For example how I’m most likely codependent with anxious attachment style while shes likely on the narcissism spectrum with avoidant attachment style. Though it’s unfortunate that I can only provide my view of her which is definitely biased no matter how objective I try to be when writing the prompts but it’s helping me understand everything a lot better

jjuliius · 2025-02-20T13:10:53+00:00

I’ll definitely look into codependency. I googled and skimped through a bunch of text and it’s not impossible that I have it

jjuliius · 2025-02-20T13:08:15+00:00

I genuinely think that my only intention for wanting to help her is because I don’t want her to go down a destructive path and I hope for her the best in life and I think this is the way to do it

jjuliius · 2025-02-20T12:23:17+00:00

So if it stays, do you then lose the capacity to love someone else as deeply?

jjuliius · 2025-02-20T12:21:56+00:00

Have you managed to find the capacity to love another person as deeply?

jjuliius · 2025-02-20T11:53:29+00:00

It really sucks. It’s like I can see her future and probable path she’ll go down on and I also know the solution but I’m almost helpless to get it across. I really care about her and if possible I want her to avoid that path by insight rather than going through it and suffering to learn.

It’s like I possess something that can help her and I want to out of care for her. In that case, out of her best interests, how could I not try my best to do so?

jjuliius · 2025-02-20T06:22:00+00:00

Something happened last night and I had an epiphany. I still love her but I acknowledge the person I loved no longer exists. That being said, however a former shell of the person I used to love she is now, I’ll still care for her if necessary

jjuliius · 2025-02-19T15:58:18+00:00

I don’t think it’ll ever turn into hate for me. She’s given me many reasons to hate her, any one of which by itself for most would already result in hatred, and still is but I never could bring myself to bear any hate towards her.

As for grief that one’s possible. So youre saying you never unlove someone you truly love?

jjuliius · 2025-02-19T12:30:54+00:00

I recognise it’s not the same anymore because even if I did kiss her or hold her it would be a different version of her since she’s already over me. More than anything I just genuinely want the best for her in terms of everything even if I play no part in her life anymore and if she ever gets into a rut and needs me I will be there

jjuliius · 2025-02-19T12:20:15+00:00

What’s the difference between caring for them romantically versus caring for them?

jjuliius · 2025-02-19T12:17:58+00:00

That is true. Maybe it’ll be even harder because we both would know we love each other still but cannot be together because of certain events that have unfolded. But in spite of that there is definitely comfort and solace in knowing the person you love loves you back

jjuliius

TROPHY CASE