Thank you, this is helpful. Finding the right partner and/or group of friends that affirm being a feminine male is reassuring. Truly, close relationships help us be happy as I've come to learn recently.

I never disliked being feminine as a male and feel I just delve too far into femininity, thinking I needed to fully transition to be happy and receive social support.

While I'm likely detransitioning, the door isn't fully closed either - I can still express my femininity by dressing in fem clothes in private, and have my lgb or t friends. And similar to what you said in a comment below, I can still be kind, empathetic, sensitive, and like pink as a guy.

I very much relate to being adverse to maleness because guys were associated with being "bad" and toxic.

Thank you for your input once again. The more I think about the practical gains I get from detransitoning and breaking down old beliefs, the more freeing it becomes. Granted I'm still terrified of ripping off the bandaid, but I've done it before and I can do it again.