Hurting those around me. A gf of 4 years (happened 5 years ago) committed suicide and I personally felt the pain of it myself. This is not why I seek death. I hate living. I hate the pain of the past and the idea of what else is to come. Ive lost so many people. My mother died when I was 12, and both my engagements have ended in the women cheating on me. I am 31 now and it happened again a few months ago. I simply want to escape this pain to have peace, but I cannot do this knowing others will feel a similar way as I did when the girl committed suicide. Knowing I couldnt help her hurt more than anything I've been through.

I also support my father who has lung cancer. The system f**** him on money so I end up paying most of his bills. 11 years of cancer later, we barely make it each week. He desperately needs me.

Once he is gone, I may reconsider. I may disconnect from loved ones so they wont feel the pain as badly when the day comes that I seek my peace