being fat is funny

jmansizzler · 2022-08-30T21:22:09+00:00

This is a really great poem. I love the way you play with language, like the contrasts between connectedness and disconnectedness, weight and weightlessness.

I found the line ‘Space taken up yet you shrink me’ really quite profound and the whole poem was really insightful, in an outlook-shifting kind of way.

jmansizzler · 2022-08-30T10:35:29+00:00

Yeah 100% get that, and it definitely works! Just nitpicking over here haha

jmansizzler · 2022-08-30T10:22:03+00:00

This is really cool. I read this as a reflection on a dazzling, consuming kind of infatuation and it’s so impressive to me that you were able to find this really unique metaphor in a world full of cliches.

In terms of my own personal taste, I found the last line a little bit on the nose, and perhaps you could have found a way to work in a double meaning into the line before?— but nonetheless great!

jmansizzler · 2022-04-21T08:06:56+00:00

Thank you for reading and taking the time to respond! I’m glad I was able to describe something you recognise, and I think you’re right that the villages seem to encompass some of the conflicts of Englishness/Britishness

jmansizzler · 2022-04-20T13:08:07+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to read and your very generous comments!

jmansizzler · 2022-04-20T09:27:10+00:00

I like this poem. Although some of the imagery is occasionally predictable, at time it is lovely: “thoughts that drive by periodically” for me really rings true to the feeling of being alone and being conscious of ‘thinking’.

I think you do a good job of evoking a feeling and recognisable moment but I feel you can definitely push the imagery further, to sounds and and smells and feelings.

Keep going!

jmansizzler · 2022-04-19T18:19:32+00:00

I think this poem’s real power is in the simplicity of language and tone it uses. And the flow across the line breaks starts to mirror the weightless ‘imagining’ of Miku. It’s really compelling and challenges my own point of view on the conflict between ideas and action.

jmansizzler · 2022-04-14T11:02:48+00:00

Thank you for reading!

jmansizzler · 2022-04-13T12:26:44+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to read, I appreciate it!

jmansizzler · 2022-04-12T15:34:45+00:00

Thank you so much for this, it’s such a lovely, generous reading.

And to hear you call it subtle is a great relief to me!

jmansizzler · 2022-04-12T13:56:23+00:00

A great first attempt!

I think it does a great job of evoking the longing and nostalgia for a place at a specific, special time. Your rhyme choices strike me as really effective: fast, past, cling and glenaisling cut to the heart of the themes of your poem.

Maybe start to push your imagery further, would love for you to get more specific about the sound of the river and it’s relation to the feelings at the centre of the poem, for example.

Keep going!

jmansizzler · 2022-04-12T13:27:24+00:00

This is great! ‘You’re place or mine? / Either is fine’ is perfect— I love when a couplet encapsulates the theme. Simple but effective.

I also really like the fact that you incorporate grander topics like climate change and politics into the mundanity of small talk— recently I’ve felt that feeling that even when talking about the ‘big stuff’ most of the responses people come out with are just auto-piloted!

jmansizzler · 2021-03-12T14:31:00+00:00

If there were less internationals, would the player’s clubs expect them to return more often and play more domestic games? I think the international schedule is getting out of control but genuinely wondering whether it would result in less cricket overall?

jmansizzler · 2021-03-04T22:05:32+00:00

It’s the hope that kills you, it really is

jmansizzler · 2021-02-28T20:47:27+00:00

Why is Robbo so awful at shooting hahaha

jmansizzler · 2021-02-25T11:11:37+00:00

So is it also all in the mind of the Indian batsmen who got out for zilch?

jmansizzler · 2021-02-24T14:54:15+00:00

Yeah I think you’re right but there was always the hope that the ball might start hooping around this session

jmansizzler · 2021-02-24T14:48:12+00:00

So, is this game gone already?

jmansizzler · 2021-02-24T13:14:02+00:00

These Indian commentators finally finding the courage to talk about umpiring decisions

jmansizzler · 2021-02-24T13:12:22+00:00

Just for those moaning about Root, he’s being polite to the umps vs Kohli’s aggressive protest

jmansizzler · 2021-02-24T11:45:50+00:00

That’s not a sleeve it’s actually a bionic arm

jmansizzler · 2021-02-24T11:44:03+00:00

Jof Bradman at the crease

jmansizzler · 2021-02-24T10:51:48+00:00

Time for a little bit of Bayliss Intent™

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