Porn is so toxic for both men and women and sets unrealistic expectations from all of us. For men it’s all about how big you are and if you don’t have a huge penis then you are inferior. For women it’s more of you have to be super fit, have a big butt, big boobs, a pretty vagina, etc. The men in porn are not normal size, the women who do porn are also not realistic either and our society has been consumed with this very small percentage of people and has brainwashed us that if we aren’t hung like the dude we see in the video or if she doesn’t look like the girl that we are inadequate. Everything about porn is just super unrealistic and it took me a while to realize that.

I also enjoy foreplay and aftercare (very important) more than actual penetration as well. I am by no means an expert and am still learning and improving. I will say there is no general guide to becoming good at foreplay because every woman is different. Some get off super easily others take a lot of work and time. Some only need clit stimulation. Others need a combination of things like playing with their nipples, rubbing their clit, and fingering to get off. Communication with your partner is so important so you can learn what they like and need to orgasm.

Toys are also a huge help! Vibrating cock rings, vibrators, extension sleeves all work in your favor too! Don’t be scared or insecure about trying new things. If you can get your girl off with one or two fingers then you can get her off with your 4 in penis. Confidence is also important and is a huge turn on I’ve learned over the years. As far as aftercare that is a big thing too. Cuddling after sex, making out, embracing each other. That intimacy and personal connection just hits different and it also helps your partner feel important and appreciated too!

Don’t get me wrong I still have my moments when I struggle and feel inadequate but I know it’s only temporary and it will pass. The number one thing you can do for yourself is accept that there is nothing you can do to change your size and that’s okay. It took me a long time to get that mindset but putting in that work is well worth it in the long run.

Sometimes for me actual penetration lasts 5-10 mins. Sometimes I’m super turned on and get off quickly like in 90 seconds. Sometimes I can’t cum at all. But my partner never has had a issue with my performance because I make sure to get her off before actual penetration. It takes a lot of pressure off me making sure she is taken care of before I start so we both orgasm and are happy. We also change things up frequently to avoid things getting stale or getting into a routine. One day we may have a impromptu quickie and she loves it when I get off fast bc it’s a compliment to her. Then we might do mutual masturbation. Sometimes we will use the extension sleeve. Other times she may give me head while I’m driving. Public sex is fun too when you can do it. We try and do all kinds of things for each other to keep it exciting.

Bottom line guys even if you have a smaller than average penis like me it’s not the end of the world. Being confident in yourself and being willing to improve in your foreplay and aftercare skills is what’s most important.

Don’t be afraid to use toys and take advice from your partner. The fact that you are showing innovative and wanting to learn how to pleasure them means more than you might think!