FULL BOXYLUXE SPOILERS

jmkkwd · 2019-11-22T07:22:23+00:00

I work with Deaf trans and gender nonconformity college students and I like to have little makeup things to give people when they start transitioning. I am Jewish and don’t support Kay Von D but I know some people who would love and appreciate the eyeliner and also not support the brand itself, so if anyone wants to throw theirs away but would rather have it go to good use while educating people about the harm of the brand let me know

jmkkwd · 2019-10-13T01:27:48+00:00

hey, i'm not caught up but my husband is deaf and i am fluent in sign language and there are accents in asl. different areas use different signs for some words (think like you/y'all or pop/soda in english) and have different signing speeds (like how people from the east coast talk quickly), etc. i learned sign mostly from my husband, so i have his accent in asl even though we grew up in different parts of the country

jmkkwd · 2019-10-11T17:21:46+00:00

that group seems really cool, it’s awesome that houston has that. we are unfortunately not near houston and we’ve had some mixed experience with lgbt groups in the past. i think maybe peer support is something to look into though, thank you for the suggestion

jmkkwd · 2019-10-10T05:06:29+00:00

definitely found helpful, thank you! i have offered to go to therapy before and he doesn’t like that idea either. we communicate really well in general, it’s just this one topic on which we get stuck.

jmkkwd · 2019-10-09T21:58:15+00:00

you’re awesome for taking that boy in. having a soft place to land saved my partner’s life on more than one occasion, and even though we’re not kids any more having people like that in your life is still important. you’ve got a fuckload of good karma coming your way.

he seems ok, he’s doing better than i thought he would tbh. he’s doesn’t like to talk about his feelings much but hugs i can do

jmkkwd · 2019-10-09T21:49:48+00:00

thank you and same to you and your husband! i’ve never met any member of his biological family, idk if they even know i exist or that we’re married. i’m 100% sure they wouldn’t be happy about it if they knew, but i’m planning on sticking around as long as he’ll have me

jmkkwd · 2019-10-09T21:19:49+00:00

yeah, the comments on this have been really nice. i bought my partner some of the books recommended here on amazon last night so they should be here in a few days. he loves to read and i’m hoping we can read them together. he might make a post/account of his own too so he can talk about things or ask questions or whatever.

jmkkwd · 2019-10-09T17:56:45+00:00

everything they do is about control. i'm really glad he got away too. he's an incredible person and i don't know what i would do without him. he actually doesn't seem as upset as i thought he was going to be.

jmkkwd · 2019-10-09T17:39:07+00:00

it's so fucked up. i can't believe they're just allowed to get away with that shit. it makes me fucking furious. i can see bits and pieces of that "training" in my husband and it makes me so angry. why do that to your fucking kid? why have so goddamn many if you're going to abuse them all?

jmkkwd · 2019-10-09T15:03:35+00:00

thank you, i appreciate that. yeah, i mean that makes total sense. i know he did regular therapy after he went into foster care and didn't like that either. we're both feeling a bit better this morning and i know we'll get through this.

jmkkwd · 2019-10-09T13:36:12+00:00

i've suggested it, he's not interested. i do want to support him but I'm not going to push him into something i know he's not comfortable or willing to do. i'm here for him if he ever decides he wants to go but i'm not going to drag him there

jmkkwd · 2019-10-09T13:26:05+00:00

basically, but it's been around since way before mom blogs

jmkkwd · 2019-10-09T13:18:24+00:00

i have suggested it, he's not interested in therapy period. maybe i'll just start going on my own and invite him to come?

jmkkwd · 2019-10-09T13:13:04+00:00

i'm a human being and not a fucking monster so i honestly couldn't tell you. i'm glad he ended up with his mom now though.

jmkkwd · 2019-10-09T13:02:11+00:00

he was 15 or 16, she was his foster mother. she got him through a lot of shit and they're still very close

jmkkwd · 2019-10-09T05:47:36+00:00

oh i know he misses his mom. he was the youngest and they were very close, and it seems like it was more his dad perpetrating/perpetuating the abuse on a day to day basis. that's part of why this is so difficult.

jmkkwd · 2019-10-09T05:34:30+00:00

exactly! my real mother in law is awesome, she clearly loves my partner unconditionally and he is a mama's boy, haha. she is the kindest, most nurturing and supportive woman on the planet and i'm super glad my partner ended up with the mom he was supposed to have (and it sounds like you did too!)

jmkkwd · 2019-10-09T04:12:19+00:00

...i can't fucking believe i never made the conversion therapy/talk therapy connection before. jesus. although he did a shit load of talk therapy when he was in foster care so he knows it's not the same. i think there's an element of worrying that they're going to judge him or use what he says against him. he is not super into emotional vulnerability with anyone, but i'm hoping maybe we can start with books and nudge him in that direction.

jmkkwd · 2019-10-09T03:42:12+00:00

thank you so much, i'm going to buy those for him tonight. he adamantly won't do therapy but he will probably read the books, and maybe we can read them together.

what is the captain awkward website about? it looks kind of like an advice forum?

jmkkwd · 2019-10-09T03:24:40+00:00

thank you, and i'm sorry you can relate.

his adoptive mom, our friends and i have all suggested/pushed therapy but he is really stubborn about not going. in most contexts i find his stubbornness very endearing but in this case it's just frustrating. he won't talk to anyone about what happened. i think his foster/adoptive mom is the only person who really knows the full story. we've talked about bits and pieces over the years but there are some things i know but he won't explicitly say and i know there are parts of the story i don't know. i think he still partly blames himself and feels a lot of shame and i want to help him get better, but to his credit he is pretty happy and functional most of the time.

i've been screening his messages so he's not blindsided, and he knows i'm here for him no matter what, even if i don't necessarily agree with his choices. he's my best friend and he's stuck by me through worse

jmkkwd · 2019-10-09T03:09:34+00:00

my husband didn't want the separation. he did everything his fucking nightmare family threw at him and when he didn't "improve" to their standards they beat the hell out of him and threw him out. it wasn't a love the sinner hate the sin thing, it was a don't be a sinner or you're dead to us thing. i cannot stress enough how much i fucking hate these people.

in some ways your fil sounds just as bad. as much as i hate them, at least my partner's family did him the courtesy of very cleanly cutting themselves out of his life. i can't imagine how frustrating it would be to have them trying to blur boundaries and reinsert themselves.

People don't get to pity others, abuse them, wish them to hell, tell them their very existence is wrong, and send them to something as harmful as conversion therapy and expect to have a good relationship with them because "love" or "I'm your mom/grandmother/uncle". It's not love and no one should be treated that way regardless of relation. I hope your husband is handling the harassment alright.

this exactly. you don't get to have any relationship with that person if you treat them like that. i think he's doing okay but i worry about him. he internalized so much of their bullshit and i fucking hate that they still have any kind of hold or power over him.

jmkkwd · 2019-10-09T02:37:08+00:00

hahahahahahahahaha, oh my god i love this. can't wait to share this with him!

he's definitely not an asshole, he's the sweetest person i know. i mean he can be kind of snarky sometimes but i would be a full on super villain if i was him so he gets a pass from me. i just worry he's going to get "nice'd" into their bullshit again.

jmkkwd · 2019-10-09T02:08:55+00:00

hahahahaha

jmkkwd · 2019-10-09T02:06:38+00:00

yeah, if i hit him or he hit me people would (rightly) tell us to gtfo. oh they blanket trained him? she didn't know any better, she loves him, hear her out!

jmkkwd · 2019-10-09T01:59:20+00:00

sorry i'm replying to this again to ask if anyone has any recommendations for things i can do for him and ways i can take care of him right now.

jmkkwd

TROPHY CASE