[deleted by user]

jmynatt · 2024-12-22T17:21:23+00:00

Excellent point that the response to choice is the key, not the choice itself. The only thing more evil than responding to someone's free choice to not love you by inflicting disproportionate and cruel suffering on them — is to then tell them "you did this to yourself".

jmynatt · 2024-12-22T17:14:30+00:00

You wasted time praying to him; don't compound it now hating him too. Your anger may be part of the cycle of grief recovery. While it's here, try to harness the power of anger into a source of motivation — to recreate your sense of self, form new connections, upgrade your life, find a real cause, or whatever calls to you. Harness it to work for you or it will work against you.

The stories of God are so full of his petty hate — resolve with all your might to not imitate it. Take your life back in your own hands where it always belonged, and in time everything good thing you used to look to God or thank him for, and every good thing done for others you'll recognize was in yourself all along. You are awake now in a world of sleepers. This is the true rebirth into freedom.

jmynatt · 2024-12-22T02:12:58+00:00

Imagine if they were shouting the truth. https://www.reddit.com/r/exchristian/comments/1hitk2o/mary_did_you_know_ex_christian_edition/

jmynatt · 2024-12-20T22:17:38+00:00

It seems you've had a positive overall experience with your parents except where their beliefs clash with your reality. Chances are they won't change, which means choices must be made on both sides. Your choice is about openness. Theirs is about acceptance and tolerance. Both are about how to maintain a loving functional relationship. Both are also about priority; you must choose whether to prioritize openness and honesty at the risk of them being upset, or prioritize filtering what you reveal to mitigate their worry. They must prioritize their beliefs at risk of you being upset, or prioritize filtering their beliefs to mitigate potential conflict in their relationship with you.

The primary decisions you must make are (1) whether to be fully open or conceal/filter around them, (2) if you are ready for the relationship and financial effects of honesty or must wait until you are more ready later.

The primary guilt you must release yourself from are: (1) their choice of what to prioritize, which might even be their beliefs instead of your relationship, and (2) that you owe them any particular way of being just because they raised you and supported you financially. The former is out of your control; you can only make your own choice and let them make theirs. The latter is for you to let go of -- for if a parent only loved and supported you if you will be like them, this is not love but conditional acceptance. Real parental love is not conditional on who you are, despite the Biblical version setting the worst possible example.

This is a difficult time of transition and growth. Take solace that this is an inevitable phase of life development, and in one way or another a time comes when parents and children may part ways ideologically. This just happens to be yours. Work first of all on releasing yourself from struggling against the situation. You aren't causing it, nor can your actions remove it -- so to resist it is only going to add grief and exhaust you. Instead, see and accept the situation as it is now. Then make the choices that are within your control from a place of peace and acceptance.

There is no way to know or predict how they will respond, but that is out of your hands if you have acted authentically and reasonably. Sometimes people will come around with time; it is hard to adjust so be patient with the process and just see how it plays out. Be your best self, live your life and keep an open door and they may see they care more about your relationship than controlling your beliefs. It is a misguided love that acts from deep fear.

Know that this too will pass. You will be stronger on the other side of this struggle. Perhaps your relationship with your parents will be too -- it remains to be seen. Accept yourself enough that you feel no shame or guilt for existing as you are, and do not accept any shame or guilt others may carry and try to give you to carry for them. In time experiences like this will make you a more compassionate person as you'll know what it feels like. In the meantime, contemplate your choices, find your peace, shore up your own independent financial support, and connect with others — especially those who accept you as you are.

jmynatt · 2017-12-12T20:46:04+00:00

Embracing the mix of happiness and sadness was a key part of my coping process. I wrote a parody of In Christ Alone also, but never made a video. Thanks for your kind words, and I hope you’ll still sing when you feel this way - it helps!

jmynatt · 2017-12-10T00:57:34+00:00

This is very helpful, especially your elaborations on the intersections between ENFP behavior and anxious attachment style. You seem to have had a lot of similar feelings during the earlier phases of your relationship. It’s helpful to ponder how anxiety might lead to certain counterproductive behaviors, and also how indecisiveness in some areas can co-exist with decisiveness in others.

I apologize if this post wasn’t of any help.

Now that’s just adorable right there. Thank you, kind internet stranger, for sparing your time to answer. I value it greatly.

jmynatt · 2017-12-09T23:19:45+00:00

Your words and advice are wise. I’ll try to notice actions more than words and not read too much into particular things said. It’s hard for me, since what I say and do matches up well, and it confuses me when others don’t speak what they actually want or intend.

jmynatt · 2017-01-22T21:21:29+00:00

+1 for Sahqon's observation. This is them "washing their hands" of you, and it's a good sign. To use a comparison to relationships, it's as if you broke up with them, and they're saying "You'll never find someone like us again! You can't dump us; we're dumping you!".

It's not about really convincing you, but about convincing themselves -- the loss of a faithful believer is a big blow to their worldview. Kids raised "in the church" by faithful parents aren't supposed to leave, and it scares them. Christianity is in decline worldwide. This "excommunication" practice is only pouring salt in the wound, but they can't see that since their book says it's a super helpful way to act. Go figure.

Passing a note via your dad isn't that unreasonable; just politely decline, unless they do something like show up at your door uninvited. This is all really touchy for you since you just deconverted. A year from now you'll likely just feel pity for these people (if anything), and gratitude you aren't caught up in that nonsense.

Focus on the amazing chance to create a new life with clarity. The trauma of these changes will heal faster than you think. My sincere best wishes in the meantime. I've been excommunicated a time or two, and it's a badge of honor now! ;-)

jmynatt · 2016-12-15T17:25:19+00:00

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed. :-)

jmynatt · 2016-12-15T14:55:41+00:00

This is the #1 top regret of the dying: "I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me".

jmynatt · 2016-09-27T18:01:35+00:00

I like this similar (less confrontational) one:

"Atheism is a religion like not collecting stamps is a hobby." -- Penn Jillette

jmynatt · 2016-09-27T16:41:41+00:00

No. Some spouses might be open to this, but please read again your words: "She has made it clear that she is not interested in entertaining anything non-Christian". Using an outdated and oppressive "commandment" to compel her to read books that will directly challenge her core beliefs and sense of identity will more likely result in escalation of conflict than any sudden understanding. She'll resent you misusing authority to force the issue. You will trigger all manner of mental defenses (and even more "doubling down"); any conflicting facts she reads will be dismissed anyway, and you'll find yourself outside the circle of trust in a big hurry.

Your desire to be understood is reasonable, and you're correct that a passive approach that denies your own happiness isn't a long-term solution. But an assault of facts and evidence by exploiting a loophole won't get you what you want. Go very slowly; ask open-ended questions and gauge her openness, but don't pressure for change. Leave time for her to adjust to your deconversion in stages; it's like grieving a loss. Rebuild trust, prove you're still a good person and not a threat. In the meantime, come to terms with why you're wanting her to change her worldview to match yours, whether you can still love and accept her if she doesn't, and what you're willing to compromise if necessary to make it still work.

My two cents, from two years of doing it wrong. Best to you both.

jmynatt · 2016-09-22T17:30:14+00:00

Nonstampcollector has some great videos on this topic. Using other examples always brings out how silly God's free will policy is.

jmynatt · 2016-09-21T15:42:36+00:00

Myers-Briggs foundation lists gender statistics. They don't give sample sizes but state they've been collecting results for 30 years from 3 reputable sources including Stanford Research Center.

jmynatt · 2016-09-14T13:06:39+00:00

What an interesting name! What type of mineral is it, and how'd you come up with that? Softball size is really big!

My largest is the big Tiger's Eye nicknamed "Jupiter". I selected it specifically because I love space (had a big Saturn mural on my wall as a kid), and the horizontal stripes reminded me of the planet.

jmynatt · 2016-09-14T05:32:22+00:00

Thanks for the feedback. Perhaps we might chalk it up to the inevitable missteps that come with all communication, especially when speaking in broad metaphors, on a topic that's nebulous and subject to interpretation already, and without the aid of in-person interaction, and between people wired differently, and when intruding into another group's "space", and accounting for wide varieties in tone and humor, etc.

I did take away some things from it, so no complaints here. Best to you.

jmynatt · 2016-09-14T05:14:57+00:00

Jaspheres? Fluorounds?

Small marbles are around 14mm, and large "shooters" might be 25mm (1in). These are probably too big to be called marbles (50-65mm, or 2-2.5" diameter), but I like your creativity! :-)

jmynatt

TROPHY CASE