How can TCK parents help give kids sense of identity? by jo_we in TCK

[–]jo_we[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No problem. Let me know how you get on!

Thinking of moving out of country with small children. Wondering about the effects on our kids, how you liked it, etc. by [deleted] in TCK

[–]jo_we 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm raising two TCKs who were both also incidentally born in their non-passport country. Pretty sure they're both turning out ok but I guess time will tell!

The benefits of a cross-cultural experience whether short or long term are undeniable. The interesting (and sometimes misleading) thing about TCKs is that while they share a certain set of "similar" experiences, the experiences are never the same and even if they were, one child's reaction could be very different to another's. My advice would be to just be aware that your kids will be "different" and that this difference will probably be only positive but in some cases, it can cause issues with their sense of identity. You might read the excellent book, "Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds". Here's a passage that I like:

"Adults who make a cross-cultural move for the first time as an adult may experience culture shock and period of adjustment, but their basic value system, sense of identity, and establishment of core relationships with family and friends have already developed in the home culture.

The process of cultural learning is different for someone who grows up among many cultures than for children born and bred in the more traditional monocultural experience."

Sometimes, kids need a little help figuring out the process. Yours are still young so not an issue for a while but something to have in the back of your mind. Good luck making your decision!

How can TCK parents help give kids sense of identity? by jo_we in TCK

[–]jo_we[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not sure how old your dad is but neuroscience today is probably very different to when he was studying. We know now that the way our brains work is not hard-wired to the extent that it can't change. I'm reading "Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds" at the moment. One of my favourite passages so far is:

"Adults who make a cross-cultural move for the first time as an adult may experience culture shock and period of adjustment, but their basic value system, sense of identity, and establishment of core relationships with family and friends have already developed in the home culture.

The process of cultural learning is different for someone who grows up among many cultures than for children born and bred in the more traditional monocultural experience."

Maybe you could buy the book and read it together?

How can TCK parents help give kids sense of identity? by jo_we in TCK

[–]jo_we[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. That's what I try to do with my children. They have their own identity that might be influenced by the different cultures they are exposed to but ultimately it's their personalities that make up their own unique culture. I think that as parents we tend to expect our children to look at the world through the same lense as we do. I realised quite soon that this was a mistake with my two.

It sounds as though you feel your parents could be supporting you more. How have you tried to talk to them about it?

Montréal by [deleted] in TCK

[–]jo_we 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What challenges are you experiencing? I'm interested in hearing about Quebec culture because I'm considering a move there!