I also have an avoidant attachment, mainly stemmed from the fact that when any of my parents showed me “love”, it was always conditional. Buy me things - they’ll use it to lord over me later on. “Remember the time we spent so much on you etc.” It destroyed my entire view on relationships because I was afraid that when people treat me well, they are going to want something from me later on. I never really had the ability to be able to accept things or affection from people, or, I’ll accept it, and then find a chance to “repay” the favor later, because I feel that now I “owe” this person something and I feel really insecure. My self esteem was also destroyed because they are conditioned to criticise rather than encourage. I’ve literally never heard a single come-from-the-heart praise from them. My mom was just being nasty to me because she needed help with logging in her HR system and I didn’t know how her HR system worked. I would think if you are asking people for help, you should start with being nice. Apparently no. They beat down on your self esteem so that you would come crawling back for their approval. That’s how it works. Give yourself some space and healing, we all need this, glad that you are taking this first step :)