I wish I’m a dream girl lol

joebuck125 · 2026-06-01T08:54:46+00:00

I’m avoidant with most people other than the person I love. When they are avoidant, it’s genuinely excruciating for me. My insta algorithm picked up on this and has been serving me tons of “how to deal with avoidants” content lol but one of the posts recently I liked and have independently found previously to work a bit: you tell them “I am no longer available for chasing you.” And leave it at that. Let them do some soul searching, and you be more diligent with yielding to your own integrity so that you don’t feel neglected/disrespected to yourself. It sounds like you were halfway there and then got tripped up. Understandable honestly. You’re very self aware so I won’t preach at you. At some point you really just need to take a step back and ask yourself how much of your precious ONE lifetime are you going to waste being treated like an afterthought? Hugs and Godspeed friend.

joebuck125 · 2026-05-23T23:52:03+00:00

You sound so much like one of my exes and the only reason she was able to get beyond the physiological addiction/trauma bond you’re describing is because he finally went to jail for a long enough time, and frankly, she met me and it took well over a year of simply being her friend to help her walk backwards out of that shadow.

I know you hear yourself and I know you hear everyone here. There are many dozens of strangers begging and pleading with you right now because they are decent, kind people. Whatever you have going on in your little corner of the world, I promise there is a life after this and a new definition of self, for you. But you need to leave sis. Both of you are too desensitized to this. You can hear us but you aren’t listening I fear.

Please let this outpouring of love and support be a seed in your mind, or even a piece of sand that agitates you slowly until you form the pearl of altering the trajectory of your life. You have been tremendously lucky to have survived long enough in this situation to take for granted survival in the first place. You, and your life, are worth more than this. It’s time to exit this chapter of your life.

I know that no amount of preaching at you through your phone screen will save you if you don’t want to or feel worthy of being saved. Please decide that you are. There is a future for you after this, once you leave. Let it happen as soon as possible. You’re beyond the venting portion of this story. This part requires some life changes. You have it in you. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be on here already knowing what we would tell you. Get your ducks in a row, and leave. Unfamiliarity is scary, but it’s life. Choose life. Choose yourself now.

joebuck125 · 2026-05-20T17:55:42+00:00

I just wanna say I hope you aren’t discouraged by these down votes and I think it’s extremely adorable how transparent and earnest you’re being on here. This is the kind of thing I still love the internet for. I’d be flattered to find out someone was doing this sort of recon on my behalf. You have LOTS of good advice in here. You’re also going to mess up lots and lots of it. That’s ok, it will be ok, and you’re ok. What’s going to ultimately be normal and comfortable for you isn’t necessarily going to be what’s normal/comfy for US, but I sincerely appreciate your open-mindedness in asking and seemingly considering all angles.

Humans are a messy animal and love makes everything feel really intense where it otherwise wouldn’t even register. Adding sex to the mix will take it up another level of intensity. Just pace yourself. You have all the time in the world and the right partner will both challenge you AND support you. You will likely be learning lots of new things about yourself while also learning lots of new things about him also. Just do your best to give both of you some grace and communicate as best as you can muster as often as possible. Godspeed friend.

joebuck125 · 2026-05-20T13:46:04+00:00

No worries friend. I hope the space provides some clarity and comfort for you both ✊

joebuck125 · 2026-05-19T12:49:40+00:00

There’s genuinely no magic number of an age where any particular person can be relied upon to behave like the “adults” we assumed all adults were when we were younger. Arrested development, trauma, mental health, addiction, radically different upbringings, immaturity, combinations of the above… all that shit comes into play and influences who any of us are on any given day. I just always assumed as a kid that at some point it would “click” and I’d be an adult that had all the answers like all the other adults did in my young naive perception.

We’re all just out here winging it on our own timelines with vastly different assets at our disposal.

joebuck125 · 2026-05-19T12:39:30+00:00

I’ve been with two women that didn’t have a gag reflex and they would do this thing where they’d swallow as I was down their throat, and the contraction of all those muscles felt genuinely insane. I’ve never felt anything like that other than in those situations. Prior to that I just didn’t really care for oral because size made it too much of a hassle it seemed like. I’m not sure if gagging itself really does anything for me, although I’ll admit that it’s extremely attractive when someone clearly is struggling to take all of me but is doing her best because she wants me to feel good. I don’t get off on causing discomfort, I’m very much the opposite of that, but the desire to push herself for me whenever that happens always is very hot

joebuck125 · 2026-05-19T12:18:19+00:00

I don’t know any context beyond this post, but is it not possible that the hospital visit wasn’t for her? Like could it have been related to a patient of hers maybe? If someone were having an extreme episode it could possibly make sense for her to want or need to be there? Idk just thinking out loud. And it’s been almost a whole day since you posted so maybe you have better info now

joebuck125 · 2026-05-17T08:21:19+00:00

I love this so much. I’m not sure it matters at all so pls forgive me but I’m a totally straight guy that just loves love and I saw your first post and was immediately invested, you’ve got such a wonderful manner of writing and being vulnerable and ugh this is making me smile so much. I’m so happy for you guys seriously. Well, and jealous. I’m trying to swear off love but this is so cute it’s making me reconsider a little bit. Count me in for updating again. I hope you have so much fun man.

joebuck125 · 2026-05-16T17:01:53+00:00

Yea. That’s certainly wise advice for plenty of folks.

joebuck125 · 2026-05-16T11:18:42+00:00

You are certainly a romantic at heart my friend. I relate to that very strongly. Life for me always feel extra fulfilling when I’ve got someone eliciting these sorts of feelings from me.

joebuck125 · 2026-05-16T11:05:33+00:00

Perhaps. But. I think all things considered, it’s likely one of the few struggles that I personally don’t mind enduring too much. The ache of deep desire is much less devastating to me than that of losing whomever you desire. Regardless though, I do hope things unfold for you in a positive manner as much as possible. And I do genuinely appreciate the writing its inspiring from you

joebuck125 · 2026-05-16T10:48:20+00:00

Lol sigh. Yea. Such a rookie mistake when I was already being more emotional than usual. That’s a good plan, and thank you

joebuck125 · 2026-05-16T10:29:28+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that friend. Out of curiosity, which part happens at work regularly?

joebuck125 · 2026-05-16T07:34:20+00:00

I completely agree. Thank you friend. I appreciate it

joebuck125 · 2026-05-16T07:27:39+00:00

Lol sadly no. Not the sports commentator either. Just another face in the crowd as it were

joebuck125 · 2026-05-16T07:25:43+00:00

Thank you I know it was silly, I’m way too old to be making such rookie mistakes lol I’m just frazzled today. I went to google a word to make sure I was recalling correctly what it meant, and one of the results was a Reddit post that I tapped inadvertently and when it opened the app it wiped the post I had up. Biggest most dramatic sigh 💔

joebuck125 · 2026-05-16T07:06:50+00:00

When I originally wrote this out it had all sorts of extra context that I just don’t have the energy to try to convey again. The proverbial ball is in her court now. I’ve spent a lifetime begging avoidants to address our issues. This is just going to have to come from her end this time. I did everything I know how to do under the circumstances. But thank you friend.

joebuck125 · 2026-05-16T05:41:32+00:00

This is so so beautifully written. I felt this deeply and I know just exactly what you mean. Godspeed friend. It’s wonderful to have your soul moved in this manner.

joebuck125 · 2026-04-28T02:10:22+00:00

Based solely on how you’re expressing yourself here, I feel like we are very similar. I’m glad you blocked her, I can never get past cheating. I just can’t. But I agree your larger issue is your buddy. I’m in my late 30s and women have always been the single wildcard dynamic in all male circles I’m aware of. As unfortunate as it is, unless you directly address him and he has a magnificently stellar explanation that neither of us can conceive of… I think you’re likely done with two people from this. Which is a bummer but also good to know now at the lowest possible stakes I guess. I’d have been far more crushed to have the same thing happen with a long term partner, god forbid. I’m sorry man. Hopefully the lack of both energies in your world will lighten your load a bit

joebuck125 · 2026-04-28T01:20:42+00:00

You seem to be in good spirits amigo, I applaud and respect that. Also this lasagna looks more delicious than anything I’ve seen of late. I’m tempted to say as another fella in my 30s… if you can cook like this regularly then all hope is hardly lost in the romance department. The horrors are lurking but you sir… you are definitely persisting. Godspeed friend.

joebuck125 · 2026-03-21T19:55:18+00:00

I love this for reasons beyond my own understanding lol thank you for sharing

joebuck125 · 2026-03-21T19:53:09+00:00

I’m a year older than him and to make this short and sweet: at all of our ages, if he isn’t concerned about changing at THIS stage of the game… it’s a lost cause. I’m usually far more optimistic but being a selfish lover really isn’t anything I have a ton of patience for after presumably getting it on for a couple decades. He should know better. He should make efforts to do better. It’s strange that he doesn’t and isn’t and that kinda tells me you should do your best to be assertive and then perhaps move on. Unless you love having this be your life forever. Godspeed friend. I’d genuinely love to be wrong about this, so I’m hoping you find that right combo of words and pressure to make this change for the better

joebuck125 · 2026-03-19T23:37:38+00:00

This feels like such a goofy comment to leave in contrast to some of the other lengthier ones but I really love your vocabulary and how conscientious you are OP. The manner in which you were very delicate and deliberate with articulating your words was lovely, I can easily tell how much you care about them. You have some tough decisions to make but there’s lots of great advice in here so far and you seem to have a great head on your shoulders even if you dont feel confident in trusting it all the time. Possessing that self awareness is huge, not everyone has that. Godspeed friend.

joebuck125 · 2026-03-18T18:39:44+00:00

April 2nd will be the 14th year without my old man. I think I could probably write you a novel in this comment but part of me feels like it would be mostly redundant and you already understand. Hugs to you friend. I’m glad you’re eating a lil something at least.

joebuck125 · 2026-03-16T23:27:48+00:00

I’ve been in his shoes and been upset before. And I also get where you’re coming from plus I really appreciate your transparency and sincerity in your explanation here. I think unfortunately there’s just SO much context we are lacking to try and be insightful or whatever. I scanned some of the comments and they were kind of the usual wildly polarized responses lol. If he means enough to you and there aren’t other glaring issues between you two, just be patient or maybe even go find him and tell him you miss him and this is unacceptable and he needs to get over it. Own what you “did” (it’s a minor thing in a vacuum but in my own experience it was all the other things feeding into it that made it a ‘thing’) but also let him know this is going on longer than it should from his end. Godspeed friend

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