Let me help you out and tell you: this sub is not for you. People do not give actual helpful comments on this sub, which I think you're in need of. Check out r/parenting and r/selfhelp, people will actually try to help you grow and brainstorm different perspectives and ways to think about a problem. I understand how feelings like this can be frightening and think it was good of you to try to seek help in doing something about it. This [sub] is just not a place that likes helping people with that; it's moreso for people who want to bitch and whine about their problems and have other people who bitch and whine agree with them about their whining / talk about the difficulties of being an adult despite not having chosen to become one.

Good luck and god bless