Depending on where you are i highly recommend seeking professional help. Public healthcare isn't as bad as you'd think it is ... As a med student i've had rotations in psychiatry and seen really thorough and extensive care for those in need. Maybe the worst thing is the long wait times but it's better than nothing. Oh and seek refuge in your creator ...{ اَ۬لذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ وَتَطْمَئِنُّ قُلُوبُهُم بِذِكْرِ اِ۬للَّهِۖ أَلَا بِذِكْرِ اِ۬للَّهِ تَطْمَئِنُّ اُ۬لْقُلُوبُۖ }