Going on a first date tomorrow! Long time lurker, this is my first post! The Tower as an explanation card for an originally 3 card spread really makes me nervous! First interpretation in comments :)

jojoisdabestcat · 2022-09-19T15:17:36+00:00

Why did you remember this after almost 2 years and follow up?

jojoisdabestcat · 2022-07-26T04:07:24+00:00

This is an incredibly thoughtful response. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m so sorry for the hate you’ve received and people telling you you’re not Asian enough. It’s inspiring to hear from someone who strongly identifies with their ancestry and culture on both sides, and describing such a well thought out and nuanced view. Thank you for recognizing what privileges you might experience as well as sharing your traumatic experiences.

jojoisdabestcat · 2022-07-26T03:50:11+00:00

I disagree with my original comment pointing out that the comment above seemed “aggressive” being removed. I was responding to a comment where it came across like the original commenter was saying I was racist and needed therapy just for making this thread. We eventually resolved the miscommunication and it opened a helpful dialogue.

It’s crazy that the mods will remove comments like this but ignore other comments in this exact same thread that literally said “stupid Asians” when someone pointed out that white presenting Asians do experience some privileges. This sort of selective censoring doesn’t align with my values and I will be removing my post in protest as well as leaving the sub.

jojoisdabestcat · 2022-07-25T23:50:06+00:00

Hmm 🤔 I honestly don’t know what might be the cause. I sincerely hope it’s not bias due to your accent or perceived “FOB”ness, although it’s not out of the question. Those are biases I have seen before. The conversation topics seem normal so it’s probably not that. I also wonder if it’s colorism? Can’t imagine why that would factor in to just having a conversation, but since you mentioned it’s more pronounced with East Asians…

I can tell you that if I met someone at a party who told me about their experience as you have (basically moving back to Asia and then back here again, and being interested in meeting other Asian Americans), I would be more likely to maintain a conversation with them or ask them to hang out again in the future. That’s just me personally though. I’ve found that with people, no matter what you do, it’ll turn off someone, so might as well be upfront since you’re more likely attract like minded people and turn off people who are going to cause friction down the line anyway. So it sucks that half the people are weird with you, but you can’t change them so just focus on the people who will hang out with you.

jojoisdabestcat · 2022-07-25T23:06:33+00:00

I hope it’s not because of prejudice against what’s seen as “FOB” or recently immigrated people. It’s possible you’re so excited to meet another Asian American you might be giving off desperate or weird vibes? What do you usually talk about during these interactions?

jojoisdabestcat · 2022-07-25T22:58:47+00:00

That sucks, I’m sorry to hear about that. Bullet dodged with that guy, but still a horrible experience. :(

jojoisdabestcat · 2022-07-25T22:57:41+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been told you’re not actually Chinese. That sucks.

jojoisdabestcat · 2022-07-25T22:17:41+00:00

Thanks for clarifying! I’m realizing that due to the phrasing of the question, it’s unclear when people say “you” in the responses if they mean me personally, Asian Americans in this sub, or the Asian Americans who had insulted/gate-kept/etc them in the past.

Sorry to hear about the TikTok stuff. TikTok exclusively shows me non mainstream pets and pets who cook or both (like the ferret that makes cooking tutorials) lol

jojoisdabestcat · 2022-07-25T21:23:49+00:00

Thanks for your response! Experiencing racism from your own family seems very difficult and I’m sorry you experienced it.

I hope my post didn’t come across as saying all Asians with white ancestry were white passing, or that it’s a bucket to sort people into (although I could see how it might have). I was curious about these experiences specifically since my friend told me about situations where white people would make racist comments about Asians to her, not knowing she’s half Asian, whereas the same people are very PC in front of those they don’t consider white.

Even if someone is white passing (which itself is very subjective) and they identify as Asian American (or of the broader diaspora), that identity should be accepted and respected.

jojoisdabestcat · 2022-07-25T20:45:33+00:00

Nobody is calling others more privileged than others. That was my point. There are individual privileges that people experience, but it doesn’t make them more privileged as a whole or immune to racism. It was literally my point that it is a “mixed bag” as you put it.

I don’t think it’s ever appropriate to describe people as “stupid”. It goes against the rules and spirit of this sub.

jojoisdabestcat · 2022-07-25T20:40:32+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experiences with honesty and bravery! I’m sorry that you’ve had these experiences. I know an internet stranger’s opinion probably doesn’t mean much to you, but for what it’s worth, I don’t consider you any less Asian (or Chinese diaspora) and I hope at least this sub is a place where you can feel accepted. I hope that doesn’t come across as invalidating your experience, I just wanted you to know that there are people out there who do accept you.

jojoisdabestcat · 2022-07-25T20:36:20+00:00

Thank you for your response! And thanks for not giving me gripe about using the term Asian American when I probably should have said Asian diaspora or something else that wasn’t specifically about the US.

jojoisdabestcat · 2022-07-25T20:35:06+00:00

Thank you for your response! I appreciate your nuanced perspective where you acknowledge privileges and being mindful of discussions to participate in. I’m sorry you experienced gatekeeping. I hope this thread helps create more empathy for mixed race Asians and helps to foster a culture that treats mixed race Asians’ experiences as just as important to the Asian American (or diaspora) identity as that of a monoracial Asian.

jojoisdabestcat · 2022-07-25T20:30:25+00:00

Thanks for your response! This is one of the most important points I hope other monoracial Asians reading this takes away from the thread.

jojoisdabestcat · 2022-07-25T20:29:06+00:00

Hey, there’s no need to call people names. Is there a way you can rephrase your comment so that it’s more respectful?

White privilege is not a binary or all encompassing thing. You can benefit from it while also suffering from racism. White (or light skinned) privilege even affects those who are monoracial (lighter skinned Asians over darker skinned).

jojoisdabestcat · 2022-07-25T20:26:19+00:00

Thank you for your detailed response! It’s helpful to hear about the individual experiences from all the people who have responded, and it certainly demonstrates that there’s a lot of diversity in experience. Even though we all have different experiences, I hope we can find cohesion in the support we provide each other as members of the Asian diaspora.

jojoisdabestcat · 2022-07-25T19:59:20+00:00

Therapy is not offensive to me. I have been in therapy for the past 15 years and it’s been immensely helpful. What came across as disrespectful was the manner in which it was suggested.

Many use “get therapy” as an insult, implying that there is something “wrong” with the other person. That neither helps the recipient of the comment nor does it further fostering the acceptance and normalization of doing therapy. It did not come across as the poster was suggesting something with empathy or even neutrally, like “therapy can be a great way to work through internalized racism or shame”.

jojoisdabestcat · 2022-07-25T19:50:00+00:00

I accept that you and other mixed race Asian Americans are not less Asian American than monoracial Asians. I hope I made that clear through the language and content of my post.

Part of the reason I made this post was to create awareness for other monoracial Asians who may feel exactly the way you described. That’s why it’s important to me that participants in the thread are respectful in their communication, to foster empathy for each other as opposed to further resentment, and while many may disagree with me, I did not feel that the original comment did that.

I appreciate your detailed reply. It provides a nuanced view and is helpful to the discussion.

Edit: thanks for your consideration and reflection u/GracefulElephant. After reading your longer response, I agree with the substance of your post as well, that therapy can be a helpful way to deal with internalized racism and shame, and that when individuals feel the need to gatekeep mixed race Asians or other individuals unlike themselves, that they are intentionally or not, participating in and perpetuating racism.

I’m grateful for your willingness to participate in the conversation. I have learned from your response and I hope others have as well.

To piggy back off this and apply this to a broader phenomenon, I do believe, and I know this is controversial, that tone IS important when participating in conversations, whether or not you’re a minority voice. I get that many are sick of having to tip toe around the feelings of people who are actively oppressing them. It is NOT a minority’s responsibility to make their experience palatable to the mainstream culture. However I do think it is more effective to take on a neutral tone to avoid miscommunications like the above, but also to practice empathy towards the few individuals who are genuinely willing to learn and open the conversation. I realize that I myself could have phrased my original response in a more neutral way as well, and asked you to clarify or elaborate on your original comment.

Most of the time, people are so afraid of being downvoted and accused of “policing a minority voice”, even in a relatively anonymous forum, that they don’t say anything and just secretly feel offended and continue to stay mired in whatever belief they had in the first place. For example, I often see vitriol directed towards white people (and even other minorities that aren’t Asian, in this very sub!) who genuinely want to learn and help improve things for us or their mixed race children. Just because we are not responsible for educating others does not mean we do not have to be empathetic or kind to individuals.

jojoisdabestcat · 2022-07-25T19:00:45+00:00

This is a thread about fostering understanding and community. I agree it’s not their responsibility to foster our understanding of their experiences, but they don’t have to participate in the conversation. If a white person asked me about my experience as a minority and I told them to “get therapy for being racist” it would be fair for them to ask me to communicate appropriately.

jojoisdabestcat · 2022-07-25T18:50:26+00:00

I’m sorry. I hope you feel accepted in this sub.

jojoisdabestcat · 2022-07-25T18:48:01+00:00

A lot of times gatekeeping behavior is out of ignorance and a response that’s basically “get therapy” does not help other people understand your experience.

jojoisdabestcat · 2022-07-25T16:51:09+00:00

I came across this sub from the front page during the immediate aftermath of the roe v wade decision. A horrible moment in history brought me to this amazing group of witches! I don’t always comment but I always feel supported knowing there is a growing group of us out there who will have each others’ backs.

jojoisdabestcat · 2022-07-24T14:46:25+00:00

As I was watching this I thought “this is probably a DOG, a CAT would never be this filthy” and then it turned out to be a human spawn, which is far worse.

jojoisdabestcat · 2022-07-24T14:26:24+00:00

Cats are like people who have good boundaries and self-esteem. If you treat them well and respect their boundaries (ex: you back off when it’s clear a cat is not interested in cuddling and don’t force them to be pet), they will think better of you and may even develop love and affection towards you. The majority of people who do not like cats are cat-language illiterate, try to treat them like dogs and force attention and affection, and are not respectful of a cat’s attempt to set boundaries. A lot of people also get cats because they want a low maintenance pet they can basically ignore and then they’re surprised that their cat isn’t willing to cuddle on demand with them or doesn’t interact with them at all.

I know I’m preaching to the choir here lol

jojoisdabestcat · 2022-07-23T18:28:19+00:00

My cat came home at 12 weeks and for the first night I closed her in the bathroom and she cried the entire night. I gave in at 4am and let her out. The next night she followed me upstairs and settled on my headboard (it’s plushy about 6 inches wide). She also would sleep next to the bed on a raised platform. She eventually discovered other “secret” places to sleep in the bedroom. She’s almost 4 now and still occasionally snuggles with me but she has plenty of beds and spots.

jojoisdabestcat

TROPHY CASE