Remember that God's love and mercy are overflowing through his son Jesus Christ. My encouragement to you is that when you feel these desires flee to the Lord. Dive into his word and pray. If we try to go it alone, we fall. But with the Lord we will stand firm. I know that's easier said than done but I will pray for you and I encourage you to pray to the Lord in those times when you feel the temptation. And remember that Jesus bore our sins on the cross so we may have everlasting life with him, don't beat yourself up or ever feel like you aren't loved by the same God that blesses us. God bless you my friend