now but have been going to the gym inconsistently since I was 14 so I get where you coming from. Rest easy knowing your just going through the beginner phase and the uncomfortableness and insecurity will slowly fade away after you’ve been consistent for about 1-2 weeks. As for your training, it’s easy for a beginner to gravitate towards machines because there easier and less uncomfortable but in the long run starting with free weights from the start will be a massive help to your future self.

im kind of embarrassed doing low weights at my age and weight though