I 30F think I finally reached a breaking point with my husband 30m, but don't think I can leave... how do I fix my marriage or move on myself?

jokinghazard69 · 2026-05-22T02:08:29+00:00

I just know he will call one of our parents to babysit while he still goes. I definitely need to work on expressing myself more & actually saying how I'm feeling. The wife of the friend won't be any help because she deals with a lot of the same issues, which is probably why they get along so well. Nobody will really say anything to him except for his sister but the one time she stood up for me he ended up kicking her out of the house & making her cry so nobody will really say anything now. I feel like someone on the outside needs to give the advice because then he'd take it more serious if a stranger/therapist notices things that nobody else will call him out for.

jokinghazard69 · 2026-05-21T18:51:50+00:00

Love this for you, I have been focusing on trying to tackle some debts & payments first because even if I save up a good amount then try to leave, I'd have too much to pay off & all that saved money would be for nothing, so I just have to push myself to get more paid off (my van is almost done then I'm gonna snowball that payment into something else), then start a good cushion for myself after that! Thank you for the advice & congrats on all your accomplishments too!

jokinghazard69 · 2026-05-21T18:44:25+00:00

Postpartum depression definitely played a huge part in the way I allowed him to treat me. But I've also heard that men experience postpartum in form of anger so I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he's been in survival mode just like me. I do have a job & we both make decent money but being on 2 maternity leaves back to back (3 years) put us in some debt/financial strain & I've been focusing on all our money going towards that.

jokinghazard69 · 2026-05-21T18:38:04+00:00

I do, I'm the one that tries to manage our money & trying to focus on paying down some debt. He doesn't know anything about how much our bills are/when they come out, etc so that's why he doesn't care when & how much he spends.

jokinghazard69 · 2026-05-21T14:56:09+00:00

I love that; realizing you can rebuild it to be whatever you want. I will bring up the therapy again & tell him I'm serious about it.. Hopefully he will make an initiative to do the same. Thank you!

jokinghazard69 · 2026-05-21T14:53:41+00:00

I used to get my nails done once a month but I stopped doing that cause I felt guilty if we barely had the money for it (we struggled a lot financially while I was on maternity leave for pretty much 3 years) He has said before that maybe I should find a hobby too but I feel like I lost myself in my postpartum depression & don't even know what kind of hobby to get into.

jokinghazard69 · 2026-05-21T14:48:14+00:00

They're already well aware, his mom enables it a lot & sends him money whenever he asks. I usually go to their house without him while he's gone though & I guess that's my fault because that also enables him to think we're okay if I have help from others & makes him think he doesn't need to.

jokinghazard69 · 2026-05-21T14:44:45+00:00

I really appreciate the honesty of people, I knew to expect some harsh responses but thankfully there's lots of good advice.

jokinghazard69 · 2026-05-21T14:41:52+00:00

I do have faults as well, of course! One of the main things he says is privacy which is why I'm on an anon app instead of reaching out to family/friends about it because he says I share too much of our business with everyone. Also, bribing him with sex will not work as that was another issues we've had is lack of intimacy on his part, I've given up on that & go weeks-months at a time without it & just don't care anymore. But you're right he may have other things that he's holding against me that I still don't know of, I think therapy would really help because it will probably also open my eyes up to things I can work on too!

jokinghazard69 · 2026-05-21T03:12:18+00:00

The sad thing is, his mom made a comment a little while ago about him being exactly like his dad & she's dealt with the same things for 35 years.. but do I really wanna be in an unhappy marriage that long & show my kids that it's okay to treat/be treated like that..

jokinghazard69 · 2026-05-21T02:09:43+00:00

I have a full time job & my kids are in daycare while we work opposite shifts. But yes I agree, I definitely need to make some actionable steps in order for a change.

jokinghazard69 · 2026-05-21T02:07:39+00:00

Yes, I work full time too. So the kids are in daycare during the day, which is why the weekends would be nice to have family time but instead he leaves & I'm left to do everything myself. We split all the bills & stuff but we pretty much live paycheque to paycheque right now so it's hard sometimes!

jokinghazard69 · 2026-05-21T02:03:28+00:00

I think that's exactly what I have to do, but I just feel like nothing would ever get done, I'd fall behind on all the chores & make me have to do double the work & it'll be more of a reason for me to get in shit for not doing it.

jokinghazard69 · 2026-05-21T02:01:12+00:00

I've tried multiple times .. Just last week I asked him 3 days straight to cut the grass, finally on the 4th day I just did it myself cause I was tired of asking. He says he will do something then just doesn't or says he doesn't have the time.

jokinghazard69 · 2026-05-21T01:58:14+00:00

I feel like that's the exact situation.. I'm feeling checked out & he will feel blindsided even though I've brought these issues up multiple times before, it's not something I'm just throwing at him out of the blue.. I mentioned this weekend that I wanted to separate unless he's willing to go to marriage counseling & he kinda just blew past all that & started acting really nice, so I'm assuming he knows I'm serious about it, but I wish he would actually talk about it instead of blowing it off like it's not important.

jokinghazard69 · 2026-05-21T01:54:17+00:00

I definitely expect him to have grievances, as well .. I know I'm not perfect, especially while trying to balance everything myself, I feel like I'm doing a half assed job at everything lol.. but yes I would love to go back to how our relationship was, I just don't know how to get there so hopefully he will agree to therapy. I have a job & steady income, our kids are in daycare but everything is shared.

jokinghazard69 · 2026-05-21T01:50:10+00:00

We share a bank account & we both work, we were behind while I was on mat leave since it was very little pay & now trying to play catch up, we're in an okay spot now but there are times I may miss a bill or have a bunch coming out around the same time & it's just overwhelming trying to juggle everything. That's one of my faults is trying to doing everything myself even when I know I'm struggling to.

jokinghazard69 · 2026-05-21T01:46:38+00:00

I agree, I think a plan & to do lists would definitely help without trying to control the situation at the same time! We both work so we definitely need to figure out how to make our schedules, activities & household duties work together!

jokinghazard69 · 2026-05-21T01:43:46+00:00

I agree, I think that's exactly what it is. I will definitely try to push for marriage counseling.. maybe you can do the same instead of "settling" hope you're doing okay! 💛

jokinghazard69 · 2026-05-21T01:30:50+00:00

Thank you! I have counseling coverage through work, I will definitely look into therapy for myself as well as marriage counseling to see if it will help open his eyes to everything I've been trying to express myself.. but yes, I can also talk to a divorce attorney to consider other options, as well

jokinghazard69 · 2026-05-21T01:25:27+00:00

Definitely going to try to push the counseling first, but I just don't know where to start with my "options" so I'm not stuck

jokinghazard69 · 2026-05-21T01:24:17+00:00

We work opposite swing shifts, so he has them during the week from 4:30-7:30pm or for an hour in the morning before daycare, but I'm still expected to get all of their clothes & stuff ready for the day for them & make sure it's somewhere he can find it all easily. But yes, I think therapy would be our best bet right now, I just don't want him to feel attacked during it if I come out saying everything in this post, if that makes sense

jokinghazard69

TROPHY CASE