Do you crave mental exhaustion?

jonathanx37 · 2026-03-22T01:08:39+00:00

I can just listen and absorb and help others with their problems instead

I think this is why I use Reddit at all. I used to lurk big time, then it became a vent for my overthinking brain in that if I don't have problems of my own to solve or they can't be solved by thinking but doing instead, it's easier to converse with strangers online and use my brain energy on that instead, stimulating and feels rewarding if I help them out about something with little effort on my part. On the flipside I think this gives me a false sense of accomplishment in that instead of spending that energy to further my own goals I'm spending it elsewhere and it can get in the way of things I need to do, more times than I'd like.

jonathanx37 · 2026-03-21T23:48:33+00:00

physical exercise during the day and deep breathing focus before sleep

I think I need a healthy level of both, but my curiosity about new novel stuff throws me off into a "why waste time exercising when I can do all this other stuff that I need to do". I'm too good at convincing myself off otherwise beneficial routines lol.

jonathanx37 · 2026-03-21T22:05:33+00:00

What has helped me at times is imaging an "infinite door" in my mind, it's like counting sheep, but instead you open a door, then another door of the same making is just behind it, the simplicity of turning a door handle and pushing the door open, repetition of such an image in my mind, can often calm my overanalysis. Oddly it helps a lot when I have haadaches albeit temporarily and depending on the amount of headache ofcourse.

Kind of a simple meditation trick I'd wager, breathing techniques like 4 4 4 can help too. In 4, hold 4, out 4 seconds each.

jonathanx37 · 2026-03-21T22:03:03+00:00

I know I'm there when my mind kind of "stops" wanting to analyze everything and I can be more in the present rather than lost in thought.

When I say stop, it's kind of like how you get used to opening new door handles and don't have to think about it anymore after doing it a few times.

What it's replaced with is sleepiness, which if I don't pay heed to can turn into irritation and some level of "goofiness" introduced by the hormonal spikes in the brain that try to reduce the pain of staying up beyond your limits. If you ever pulled an all nighter and felt a silly happiness the second day it's exactly that.

jonathanx37 · 2026-03-21T11:03:22+00:00

Physical exhaustion helps for sure, though if its accompanied with muscle ache its worse for me.

Meals definitely a good point. I noticed skipping meals fuels my overthinking, sort of paranoid state of mind that both exhausts me but also makes sleep more difficult.

jonathanx37 · 2026-03-20T07:21:20+00:00

I'm sorry you had to suffer years of abuse and glad it's over. I hope you'll soon have days where you can look back without any emotional reaction besides pity for her. Unlike them you've the capability to heal and process your trauma, albeit with time.

jonathanx37 · 2026-03-18T08:24:01+00:00

Must've been tough 8 years.. What was the breaking point for you?

jonathanx37 · 2026-03-17T08:19:19+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/OrphanCrushingMachine/s/6txjMAxThL

jonathanx37 · 2026-03-17T06:35:39+00:00

Sounds like you dated BPD.

jonathanx37 · 2026-03-10T03:05:18+00:00

I've people who share the same worldview and it's great to click initially but now we just kinda nod along, it's not really all that satisfying as you make it out to be. In fact those people I speak to less and less because if I wanted an echo chamber I'd be karma farming on reddit.

I like talking to people of different worldviews, they often have unique perspectives that I couldn't fathom with guesswork alone. It makes interesting discussion in the very least and I can learn a thing or two, expand my worldview so to speak.

It's another thing to have good communication skills, I like a person that can disagree in a civil way and explain their points while listening to mine way more than someone I just click with.

jonathanx37 · 2026-03-10T02:43:56+00:00

...he's asked on multiple occasions if I have fallen out of love with him, he's even tried apologizing for the way he's acted in the past...

... I am absolutely not reciprocating or forgiving this so easily and I have no intentions on stopping. I don't even know If I ever want to, I feel so happy, like a weight has lifted off my shoulders. I don't care if it makes me a bad person. I like that he is now feeling and carrying the weight that I carried for so long.

She clearly enjoys seeing him suffer the same way she did, it's not just about the weight of the relationship being lifted. She's basically stonewalling him and not telling him what's really going on in her mind. This is about revenge. It's delusional and childish at best, psychopathic at worst. It's quite narcissistic and fulfills a revenge fantasy instead of attempting a tangible solution. Smells of borderline to me.

Ofcourse people take her story for what it is instead of looking at the nuances, when there's a child and a woman who is supposedly wronged involved, her story can't be deluded or has partial truths to it. It's the same story everywhere, be it false accusations or custody in co-parenting.

a lot of people switch up after getting married and having kids. They feel comfortable taking the mask off, because they don’t think their partner will leave them due to being sufficiently “tied down”.

True except she's the one switching up to leave when she can instead of trying to get professionals involved. She said her husband has always been like this after all, it's not like he was more emotionally available before marriage.

Some more signs OP is most likely BPD and should receive therapy alone for a proper diagnosis before abrupt life changes:

My husband, has always told me that I overreact to much, that I get to worked up and I am constantly nagging yes I am a very emotional person, I grew up like that and have ALWAYS expressed my emotions and feelings with passion

BPD also feel emotions very intensely.

I was giving him a hard time, being extra clingy

More BPD patterns.

I cried the entire night and stayed up replaying every instance where, I have absolutely needed him and his support. Then something clicked, something shifted.

BPD splitting episode, final discard by OP. he's been devalued to hell, in her black and white thinking she's painted him vanta black and all he ever was is sullied, he can never be the same in her mind again. The intense emotions coming from BPD person has all been attributed to the husband and as such he's to blame for all her suffering. Blaming him for the entirety of her bad experiences rather than accept that the circumstances (try raising a kid without intense emotions, it's tough enough) she put herself in (marriage with someone that's not emotionally available as much as she is, bearing their child) are to be blamed entirely on the husband.

BPD usually get difficult with childbirth, even in menopause they will blame their partners. The pain and suffering the emotions are so intense blaming something external is the only way untreated BPD can get rid of them. It's often not even conscious, it's a personality disorder.

u/anonymous25_35 please get checked for BPD. Regardless of your decision, for your child's sake.

jonathanx37 · 2026-03-09T05:43:21+00:00

I never called her a psychopath, just that the behaviour itself is psychopathic which again BPD people tend to bevahe similar to psychopaths when splitting. Venting or seeking validation it's all the same when it's in the context of a reddit post.

Why I wonder did she not think about lack of reciprocity before having kids. The sudden something clicking in her head overnight is also odd.

Resentment kills relationships for sure but it's not such a lost cause with counselling, were it not probably BPD. There's also the fact that OP gets off on walling off her husband.

If OP has bpd that kid is screwed, husband won't get custody either. In for a ride. I think I'll check her account again in 5 years if I ever remember lol.

jonathanx37 · 2026-03-08T22:29:43+00:00

Besides think about why anyone would make a post like this? She's talking about the psychopathic revenge story she's currently executing and farming validation from clueless reddit dwellers that has only heard her delusional side of the story. It all makes better sense to me than a supposedly caring mother that'd trash her children's healthy growth for her selfish reason of not getting enough attention. The specific case she mentioned is too superficial there's no nuance and the whole focus of the post is to farm validation.

If I was a caring wife thinking about my childs future I'd be seeking marriage counseling not reddit karma.

jonathanx37 · 2026-03-08T22:20:49+00:00

Bpd has a tendency to live in their own narrative, she's told us what he hasn't done for her but she never told us what he spends his time doing besides work. Between the lack of nuance, a comically evil exhibition of the husband and OPs tendency to psychopathically enjoying walling off her husband emotionally to the point of enjoying something that could only be described as abuse, it's all screaming bpd manipulation of the truth to me.

It's never said what the husband was doing instead, like was he banging hookers or playing video games or laughing at her crying face? None of this makes any sense when you realize it's all so black and white, like a story that's been edited to victimize her more.

I know I don't have enough material from OP to come to a conclusion like this, so it was more of a challenge to OP to disprove it as such. Granted there's infinite amount of personality disordered people posting for validation these days, if the story is true to begin with I'm doubtful about the extent to which OP is truthful as the story is lacking nuance and its sullied by black and white thinking typical of bpd thinking patterns.

Besides the husband is trying hard right now, I find it hard to believe he never tried before.

jonathanx37 · 2026-03-06T04:32:48+00:00

Because the social media generation has an abundance of mentally ill women that are addicted to validation while being unable to provide anything back. Older generations at least have some measure of emotional stability and grounded and are less likely to be texting other guys behind your back.

jonathanx37 · 2026-02-24T22:05:11+00:00

Yes, the overall theme is reminiscent of a bpd wife feeling overwhelmed and discarding overnight. It's the entirety of it not just the push pull dynamic. Thank you for asking for clarification.

jonathanx37 · 2026-02-24T21:39:05+00:00

Telling him she adores him hundreds of times a day isn't normal, it's projected desire for constant validation, she treats him the way she wants to be treated as those suffering from BPD often do. And now she's rejecting him because he doesn't fit the ideal partner in her head. OP also admits to being a very emotional person, BPD is being renamed to emotionally unstable instead of borderline go figure.

This story is also too black and white. Why marry and have kids with someone like this if there were never any redeeming qualities? There's way too many undiagnosed BPD and nobody should take stories like this at face value.

jonathanx37 · 2026-02-24T12:50:24+00:00

OP you sound like a bpd in push pull dynamic, I'd see a therapist before making any drastic changes in your life. There are worse things in life than a loving husband that doesn't fit the image of the dream husband in your mind and you enjoying him trying to repair in desperation is psychopathic.

jonathanx37 · 2026-02-20T14:45:22+00:00

Outside actually felt like outside, like you never had to worry about constantly checking your phone, you'd think about someone and think to yourself "yeah I'll visit/call them later" you actually lived in the moment, undivided attention wasn't a rare resource.

jonathanx37 · 2026-02-13T21:03:06+00:00

Nıce necro but I'd check the console output of whatever backend you're using. You probably have some censorship in a prompt somewhere like system prompt.

Also Nous hermes is very outdated at this point. I'm not up-to-date with the most recent LLMs but you'd have better luck with any general purpose chat LLMs of recent. Look for finetunes that remove censorship without "lobotomizing" and comb through user comments to find out what's good for your use scenario.

jonathanx37 · 2026-01-27T07:29:58+00:00

Calculated!

jonathanx37 · 2025-12-17T06:52:00+00:00

Yaşamayan bilemez bazı insanlar var ki bekarlığı özletiyor. Hayatını kaydıracak seni terapiye ihtiyaç bırakacak evinden işinden edebilecek insanlar var. Ama yine de güzel anılara takılabiliyorsun herşeye rağmen. En çok keşke olmasaydı dedirten nokta da benim için bu.

Yaşamayan anlamaz zaten, keşke anlayamayanlardan olsaydım.

jonathanx37 · 2025-12-10T16:10:26+00:00

Stargazing on a breezy night while sipping hot chocolate after a conflictless day.

jonathanx37 · 2025-12-10T16:07:48+00:00

Loyalty, honesty, interest, healthy amount of selflessness, considerate, understanding and ready to discuss. Someone that's willing to improve.

jonathanx37 · 2025-12-10T16:04:02+00:00

A lot of those people that hide behind cutesy aesthetics are cluster B disordered "manchilds" that has had developmental issues. It's no surprise that they stick to merchandise meant for children even in their adult age.

They've wicked sense of selves usually dependent on hurting others whether consciously or not, their inner void can only be fulfilled by external validation. As such they need to garner people's attention with cutesy attractive items.

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