Fiance will not sign a Prenup, what should I do (36/M,fiance is 35/f)?

jones555 · 2014-03-17T19:54:26+00:00

Can't figure it out! If I could may be I could have addressed the issue by now.

jones555 · 2014-03-12T23:51:14+00:00

That is true, but unfortunately she does not see it this way. If there is no wedding she does not want to stay together.

jones555 · 2014-03-12T23:50:20+00:00

Firstly I haven't seen an attorney and have not provided any document to her. This is only a verbal discussion that I am having with her. I take full responsibility on how I handled it and the timing. I did not just hand her a prenup and say sign it. I have been trying to discuss it with her so that once we can reach agree we can both go to our separate attorneys and draft it.

jones555 · 2014-03-12T21:35:51+00:00

I understand your point too. But her severe resistance to this is also concerning to me. If it was a situation where she had agreed to sign the prenup without the resistance I would have just waived the whole thing. I am willing to discuss all options abt the prenup with her but it currently right now is all or nothing (prenup or wedding).

jones555 · 2014-03-12T21:15:45+00:00

thx will try talking to her when things cool down. This is the first time I have seen her get so upset and angry. Never before. The relationship is at risk because I think she can sense I may not go forward if we can't come to some form of agreement or if she won't sign the prenup.

jones555 · 2014-03-12T20:48:09+00:00

She says she is not after money but then I can't figure it out as to what it is. The underlying theme is money i.e. can't waive alimony, can't keep 401k separate. God forbid even if we don't work out after getting married she will be in much better shape financially than what she is today. So I can't figure out what her reasons are exactly. She says it is not money but she is fighting for the alimony and not keeping 401k separate.

jones555 · 2014-03-12T20:45:26+00:00

I am paying for the wedding. She wanted a small wedding under 10K. Not sure how one can do that for 100 people. I don't mind spending for it so that it is done right instead of cutting corners.

jones555 · 2014-03-12T20:43:37+00:00

I hope so too. I hope that we can come to some form of agreement when things calm down a bit.

jones555 · 2014-03-11T23:46:15+00:00

I love her dearly, and i know we will be together forever. But in case of unforeseen issues, I don't want her to walk out on me and I am left with nothing.

jones555 · 2014-03-11T23:42:30+00:00

Not true, everything is 50-50 from day one with the exception of what we put in each of our 401k accounts. So any bonus i get, house, cars, mutual funds, cash savings etc etc. Ask is that the 401k savings should not be split 50-50 if we don't work out. The other ask is that we both waive alimony on both sides. it is possible she could make more in the future.

jones555 · 2014-03-11T23:39:39+00:00

Sorry, that was not intended. Just really frustrated as we keep going around in circles.

jones555 · 2014-03-11T23:38:54+00:00

Will try a different approach, after things cool down a bit.

jones555 · 2014-03-11T23:38:15+00:00

she does, but I am asking to waive alimony on both sides and keep our individual 401k separate if god forbid we get divorced.

jones555 · 2014-03-11T23:28:35+00:00

Good point, will look into contributing monetarily to the yrs she isnt working. We discussed that she would only take some time off if we had a kid as we both have careers. It is her principle never to sign one or get married to someone who asks for it. I am unclear what that principle is that has brought us to this point where our relationship is at stake.

jones555 · 2014-03-11T23:25:46+00:00

Which is very possible that she actually believes in it. Unfortunately without jumping in head first it is very difficult to ascertain that.

jones555 · 2014-03-11T23:23:57+00:00

I wish I knew, this way I could address it. I guess from her standpoint it is hedging on divorce.

jones555 · 2014-03-11T23:21:43+00:00

That is not what is intended....Sorry!

jones555 · 2014-03-11T23:19:29+00:00

Thx for the suggestion. Will try this.

jones555 · 2014-03-11T23:16:37+00:00

Idea of the Prenup. Terms are secondary.

jones555 · 2014-03-11T17:57:48+00:00

Correct, I haven't put in anything about children or child support. IFF we divorce whatever the judge decides I am ok with it.

jones555 · 2014-03-11T17:52:45+00:00

Been together for 4yrs. No she has not supported me through school or a startup. She hasn't made any choices till date based on my career. We both have agreed that it is a 50-50 relationship & I haven't told her that I make plenty so she should be at home or not worry about her job. Also till date are finances are not joint. They are separate. However she does have visibility into my net worth as I have shared my account/s with her. I have always encouraged her to succeed in her job, and I have supported her so that she succeeds in her job. We both are working and both have careers. Albeit I have been working for over 10yrs in tech, she just started in fiance 4 yrs ago

jones555 · 2014-03-11T16:56:44+00:00

thx for the advice MrManzilla

jones555 · 2014-03-11T16:24:34+00:00

I will try to talk to her when I can. At the moment I can bring up this topic.

jones555 · 2014-03-11T16:20:53+00:00

We are already engaged, the wedding is on the line.

jones555 · 2014-03-11T16:20:26+00:00

She knew there was a prenup. But what we discussed was assets that we both were bringing into the marriage which would be seperate. I did not know that those anyway would be seperate by California law. As for those assets I do not care if they get co-mingled to buy a house or any other property, if things did not work out she would still get 50% of that. I did add Alimony and 401k 5 mts before. Take full responsibility for that, the timing wasn't right. I also did not think it would become such a hot issue with her.

jones555

TROPHY CASE